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It is tough NOW. So how are we coping

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Old Style MoneySaving
5.6K replies 721.6K views
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  • Used to do something similar on exercise in Germany, detergent and water in a drum in the back of my waggon, then dry them on my cam nets at night.

    I always wondered how stuff got cleaned on 'active'. My military experience extends only to the Corps at school, so it was my long suffering mother that did all the washing! I had to do the ironing though as military standard was too much to ask her for...

    On the subject of the lady with the teenage daughter, it's worth remembering that in a family crisis, it can be helpful to get other less close family members on board if possible. My family's been through a few rough patches recently and my brother - in - law was incredibly helpful because he had sufficient 'distance' to sort out the problem yet was still trustworthy, if that makes sense. Sometimes it can all get a bit too claustrophic in family matters and an 'outsider' can be a great benefit.
    'Never keep up with Joneses. Drag them down to your level. It's cheaper.' Quentin Crisp
  • daskadaska Forumite
    6.2K posts
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    Now I just need to get my grocery spending and food waste down! I don't throw away as much as I used to but I still do throw out fruit and veg on a regular basis.

    If you empty the cupboards and buy small amounts there won't be anything for your daughter to raid, or for you to throw away.

    Congratulations, the first few times you stand up to her will be the hardest. Good suggestion on getting someone else to come round to support you. I'm not so sure about the blog, I wouldn't be confident that there would be anything to gain by embarassing her.

    By the time I was buying buying a bag of staples to help my family member start her independent life I was finding it quite easy to stand my ground...
    Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants - Michael Pollan
    48 down, 22 to go
    Low carb, low oxalate Primal + dairy
    From size 24 to 16 and now stuck...
  • ceridwenceridwen
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    Hi RAS

    To me - the suggestions re a blog or calling in the police are too confrontational. Anyways - congrats on taking the first steps in dealing with this issue.

    What KatP said I felt was the best way of handling this. Certainly my reaction to her threat to live with her boyfriend would be "Go on then - feel free" and mean it.

    I dont think her behaviour would be acceptable if you were on a good income - but being on the income level that you are on - then its clearly literally not affordable for you to subsidise her this way. I think it could well be a good idea to literally walk away from her if she persists in repeating herself whenever she decides to "have a rant". I think it would be best to tell her how it is - repeat it once or twice if need be - and then just say "I've said my piece and now I have to go out" and do just that. I think she is taking advantage of you suffering from depression, etc, problems I'm afraid. I have certainly noticed over the years that there are some people who will instantly spot when other people are feeling a bit vulnerable for whatever reason - and will deliberately "zero in" on them at those points to try and get whatever-it-is they want from the person concerned. It must be very hard when one of them is your own daughter - but I guess recognising what she is doing is the first step to dealing with it.
  • MindaJMindaJ Forumite
    41 posts
    RS, could you use peer pressure to get your daughter to see sense? Does she have any friends who are paying board, paying for their own phones etc who could have a chat to her? Or maybe cousins who are her age? Or do any of your friends have kids her age? Maybe if someone her own age spoke down to her and made her feel ashamed for how she's treating you, it could make a difference.

    I'm assuming she wants to be an adult, if she can have someone who she'll listen to tell her she's being a child it might help her change.
  • kidcatkidcat Forumite
    6.1K posts
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
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    MOrning all, yesterday was obviously very quiet on here, I have spent two days in hospital with DS10, and expected that there would be pages to catch up on. Well my week has definately got worse, having the two days in hospital had been absolutely exhausting as I had no sleep whatsoever, and now feel like the living dead!
    The other effect has been that DH had to take another day off work and after having Monday off too, we will only receive half a weeks wages next week. Its the big week when all the bills hit inc rent and I am unsure how we are going to pay them all.
    Having got ourselves on a level with our finances I realise how precarious our financial situation still is, which has hit me quite hard.


  • CharisCharis Forumite
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    Hi Kidcat

    It has been rather quiet on here, and on the simplifying life thread. Sorry to hear about your predicament, which will feel even worse because of your exhaustion. Make sure you get some rest today. The housework will still be there tomorrow.
  • sparrersparrer Forumite
    7.5K posts
    Part of the Furniture I've been Money Tipped!
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    recovering spendaholic When my son was a teenager he thought nothing of using the phone and for months I had a bill of between £200 and £300 before I put a stop on him using it. When he started work, although his older sisters had always paid their way, he acted as though the world owed him and probably paid me some keep perhaps two or three times in as many years. He was aggressive, beligerent, I admit I was a little scared of him and he caused me a lot of anxiety and stress. One evening we had yet another argument about his behaviour and he stood up and over me in a threatening way...I had no choice but to call the police. The kindly policeman talked to us both, and my son left to go and stay with his sister. A few weeks later he and his then gf moved in together. It was the best thing that ever happened, he grew up overnight, accepted his responsibilities, paid his bills, changed into a respectable citizen.

    Now five years later he has come back to stay with me during the week as he's been temporarily seconded to this area. It's an absolute joy to have this young man in my home, he's helpful, turning his hand to all sorts of odd jobs for me, assists with shopping, the garden, helps me to sort out problems/paperwork, and pays me more than I asked him for, every month on the dot.

    It was a drastic thing to do but not one of my family or friends turned away from me and he says it's the best thing I ever did for him. For a while it was horrible, I thought he'd never speak to me again and resent me completely. Surprisingly it wasn't like that at all, today we're great friends and thoroughly enjoy each others company.

    I can only say how it was for me. I wish you the strength to do whatever you think is the right way, but you have to do something. Please don't be afraid or let your daughter pull you down any more, you have a life of your own and you deserve to enjoy it so much more than having to put up with the treatment you're receiving. The power is all yours, she needs a short, sharp shock which she'll appreciate one day, although she won't think so at first. Good luck and God bless
    Sparrer
  • ceridwenceridwen
    11.5K posts
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    An article of interest from todays papers re whats happening re money "stolen" by the greedier members of American society.....which possibly gives a shred of hope for us getting our money back from the greedier members of our society..a 90% tax on those "bonuses" for a start-off here perhaps (go on then Mr Brown - get that tax in place - the bankers cant sue the Government for that):

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1163328/Dont-wear-says-AIG-Insurer-gives-employees-security-tips-fury-bonuses-grows.html
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User]
    0 posts
    MoneySaving Newbie
    yesterday I made some lemon squash as I had 5 lemons, from an organic box and a friend back from spain. A first for me and very very easy, now in lock and lock jugs in the fridge

    4-5 lemons
    less than 1 kg sugar (I used 900g)
    1 pint boiling water
    1 oz ciric acid

    put acid and sugar in a large bowl and dissolve in the water. Juice the lemons and quarter the skins. Put all the lemmon bits and juice in the syrup. Cover and leave overnight. Strain and bottle. Store in fridge for a month

    My mother used to make lemonade but I wanted something to use all the big lemons. It was so easy, now I am going to look up other squashes. Bottlegreen here I come and no aspartame in sight

    I got citric acid from the chemist counter in boots
  • BigMummaFBigMummaF Forumite
    4.3K posts
    Whoops! I didn't mean to take the thread off at such a tangent with adult kids paying lodge, but if it has helped others to read all the advice then I'm glad I've been useful for something! We are going to have a pow-wow once all the increases are known to decide how much each person is going to contribute, so everyone can see where the money is going.
    Things could be a lot tougher yet for us :o It looks like No2 will be having spinal surgery so :confused: how long it will take a) for the referral to be acted upon; b) for a date for treatment & c) recovery to be fit enough to look for work. And then.....who is going to employ someone with a recent "tricky" op when the rest of the country is looking for work :undecided
    On the 'Local Choice' milk in our MrT, I saw the chappie who is responsible for that section & he said "They've gone out of business" :( Such a shame because the milk was definitely a better taste as much as supporting local enterprise.
    One glimmer tho, is an idea I've had to make fire-lighters out of shredded documents. We don't have a fire or stove to burn them, but I wondered about using loo roll innerds as a casing, then burn them on the barbie :p I've not taken a lot of notice of how people make their bricks, so I'd welcome suggestions of whether I should mache the papier before I start, or just go au natuerelle :rotfl:I figured they would keep in a black bag in the shed, where the commercial lighters are anyways.....


    Full time Carer for Mum; harassed mother of three;
    loving & loved by two 4-legged babies.

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