Trying to sort the contact out need some advice..........

galvanizersbaby

See a solicitor Poppy - find out exactly where you stand with regard to the children - that's all really, don't know what else to say x Hugs!

clairg_2

No advice to offer, except what a t**ser!! he is!! sorry just to say thinking of you and your kids and sending (((HuGS)))

poppyscorner

shell_girl wrote: »

What's the eldest child's DOB and were you married at the time of the birth? Legally it does change things depending on the date.

Eldests DOB is 7/2/03 and we werent married at the time of his birth and it was before the PR thing came in that year in september and I know from the last time he ran off that he didnt have PR but not sure where I satnd now that we did get married and he certainly has PR for DS2.
Have spoken to both school and nursery about things and informed them that things maybe about to get messy they have been very supportive and have said that although they cant stop him picking the kids up they will ring me if he attempts to do it and try and get him to wait until they clarify things with me. My family all live nearby the school and would be along like a shot if he attempted this. Headteacher did say she could stop him removing our son from school throughout the day but its home time she cant stop.

In response to others I know that I can't trust him already he swore to me on the childrens lives as he was leaving there was noone else and what kind of person does that? He has been plaguing me with text messages how are the kids? when can I see them ? stop using them against me! and all the rest of it trying to play games and get me to react he wants me to tell him that the children are OK and not at all bothered by him leaving because in his head this makes his betrayal alright he hasnt hurt anyone.

I know pretty well after the 1st time he did this that he changes overnight he is unpredictable and will do whatever to try and get his own way he doesnt think straight he just gets an idea in his head and goes for it.

I am going to handle the contact thing I think by inviting him here he can play with the children upstairs or down here and I won't bother them but he isnt taking them out as he has twice broken my trust and I now can't tell if hes telling the truth or lying to me I am here for my children if they need me but do not wish to discuss things with him.

I will arrange to see a solicitor as soon as I can just still ploughing through all the crap at home first.

His daughter I really cant say what is happening with her she has visited me and the boys with her mum since the split and asked if she could stay in touch with me she is coming for tea tomorrow night ex doesnt know about this but me and her mum arranged it her mum is very worried about the whole thing and says step daughter is really upset about it all.

Thanks again for all the advice am sure I will be back around asking for some more fairly soon.

bluenose1

poppyscorner wrote: »

but is demanding a full day unsupervised access on Sunday.
Its no wonder they are upset really.

Thanks for all advice xx

Hi,
I think he is not in a position to "demand" anything of you at the moment.
I would personally consider allowing him to visit the kids on Sunday at your home but would be frightened of unsupervised in case he takes them to Scotland. He has threatened to do so, so you are justified in your concerns.
Don't be bullied by him. Best of luck at this torrid time.

hobo28

poppyscorner wrote:

...he didnt have PR but not sure where I satnd now that we did get married and he certainly has PR for DS2.

He now has PR for both since you married him.

poppyscorner wrote:

As I have said before I want the boys to have contact with their father but I'm terrified he just goes off to scotland with them to live his fantasy out so although I plan to very soon make this a legal thing I dont know what to do in the meantime I still believe that its in the boys' best interests to see dad but couldnt bear it if he took them so what do I do ?

If this is a real risk then what you should do is deny contact and apply to court for a Prohibited Steps Order on the grounds of his threats to remove the kids from your care. For that you will need of course evidence so keep any texts/letters and consider getting yourself a dictaphone to record any conversations/telephone calls. Keep a diary.

Ronnietink

Hi Poppy

I completly agree with hobo. You really need to act on this now
I have been through same situation (although i was married and X was threatening to take little one to Cyprus) Basically police will check the children are ok but cannot return them as he is their father.

Not sure if it will be of any use but I still hold in my head the words of wisdom from my big sis...

"if you lent someone your car (a prize possession of mine!) & they didn't return it, ok, u would b peed off, but u can replace it. U can never ever replace your child"

Basically what has your ex done to deserve you to trust him.

( u also need to be careful in your reply to txt msgs as these can be used as evidence)

Wishing u all the best at this tough time

mum2one

Please get legal advice sooner than later, I appriciate that ur trying to sift through everything at home, but u need to get things on a proper footing, as if it goes through to court for access, u need to have the backing and the proof behind u.

From experience my dd was born sept 02, her father and I had split up when I was 7 mths gone due to what I went through, it was messy and been in the hands of my solicitor from when I was 4mths gone, he was not a nice person, he was threatening to take my daughter to Ireland where his parents live, eventually he backed down but not after causeing a lot more hassle, bear in mind that he had no parental responsibility, and with how much of a pathological liar he was it meant that my life was under a microscope, who my friends were, what relationship my dd had with my parents my friends etc.

Shes 6 this yr and even now Im still dubious, but I thank god I had a solicitor on board, as I had issues last yr with his parents, and after giving them the benefit of the doubt they soon showed their true colours, and instead of reliving the last 6 yrs it was all on record. x

shell_girl

Google Rights of Women and give them a call today- free legal advice from solicitors and barristers who specialize in family law. It can be diffiult to get through as it's such a fantastic service it gets really busy- but persevere as they'll be able to tell you exactly what you can do to prevent the children being removed from your care. At a glance I would say that you can apply for a temporary residency order with a view to this becoming more permanent later. As it stands if he was to remove the children from your care PR means that the police/SS would be unable to intervene- if you have residency then even if he does manage take the children away the police and SS then have a duty to return them to your care.