Getting out of abusive marriage

lisacg83

Hello all. This is my first post

As the title says, i am currently in an abusive marriage, I have 2 children aged 4 and 19 months and I havent decided that i need to leave for their sakes and my own health. I am going to move out without him knowing so he cant stop me and i will let him know where we are after a couple of days (he has a bad temper and god knows what he would do.)

I have applyed for a council house but I worry constantly that if I get offered one, how am I going to pay for all the furniture etc.

I work full time at the moment earning under 11k, I live in scotland, does anyone know at all if i would be eligible for a grant/loan for help with the cost fo buying things? I dont have any spare cahs or savings.

Thanks in advance
xxxxx

Mips

Hi.

You could register on Freecycle in your local area and equip your house. It will all be second hand but it will be a start.

As it says it is Free. You would have to collect.

Laws in Scotland are slightly different regarding Benefits perhaps? Not sure on that one.

The other thing you could do is, whilst he is at work, hire a van to take what you need for your children.

Well done for making this decision, I am sure it is not easy for you but you do not want your little ones around the abuse.

donner_kebab

Hiya Lisacg83,
Firstly welcome to the forum and can I be the first to offer you a dodgy hug as they don't seem to have an pictures for a normal one! :grouphug:
I can't advise you about whether you would get any grants or anything but wanted to say that you are doing the right thing by trying to get out. I too was in an abusive relationship and it was the best day of my life when it finally ended as it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. Do you have any bits you could take with you if you find somewhere? I don't know if you have free cycle where you are but I know that people on there give away loads of stuff for free...you could always get some basic stuff and then replace it when you can. I imagine you could get things like Tax Credits etc and would be more if it was just you on your own as well as being able to claim Housing / Council Tax benefit too if they have that in Scotland???
Good luck with whatever you decide to do and you can get through it...it may be crap at times but everything will be worth it in the end! xxx

elisamoose

https://www.scottishwomensaid.org.uk
please contact this agency --they will help you to leave safely and apply for everything you are entitled to. you don't have to have suffered physical violence - any kind of abuse

lisacg83

thanks very much for all your replies.
I must be doing somethings right, have been checking freecycle so thats good, the problem is if is is big things, where to I keep it and how to transport it.
Im also doing the van thing dippy chick and taking everything out of the house that I paid for (if i took anything of his it would be a v bad move), so basicly ive got the kids beds and toys and my bed and wardrobes (that leaves him bedless, oops!)

Im just going to write a list of everything I need and hope maybe I will be eligible for help. God knows how much itll cost to carpet a house, I suppose if i cant get help Ill just have to do it bit by bit. Ive grown up bidgeting so know how to hunt out the cheap stuff so ill be ok on the wee things

Thanks for your post elisamoose, i have a times thought of contacting womans aid, but im not sure if they could do anything ot help me, I would hate to waste their valuable time when they might of been otherwise helping someone in more need or danger.

Thanks for the dodgy hug as well


xxxx

alwaysonthego_2

well I would say that you're in need and in possible danger so you should contact womansaid. Some churches also have furniture they collect and food parcels.

clairg_2

good luck, doesn't sound like you'd be wasting womens aid time at all if it's an abusive relationship and he's likely to go off on one when he find out you've left then they are the people for you, (((Hugs))) for you and your kids good luck and keep us posted xx

macchicken

Hey,
Speak to the council, they will be able to advise you of local groups who can help you.
Or look in the front of the telephone book or yellow pages the have ad's for womens aid and other groups, like new start.

Good luck.

LillyJ

My local church hands out flyers during mass asking for furniture etc for people who are in need. Might be worth a try.

You may not feel like it now when you are in a nice house, but once you get out, you won't care what furniture you have or even if you have carpet.
A friend of my Mum's ran away from her husband to my house after she confided in my Mum (I live a 100 miles away so it was safe). She stayed here for 3 weeks and was on the sofa and just had a suitcase, but she said she was the happiest she has ever been as she felt free.

Please don't hesitate to contact women's charities, they are very helpful and my Mum's friend got tons of advice off them. She, by the way, is now settled in another city 200 miles away in a nice council house and has just met a "man friend"! She is a different woman now days. Her children were grown up at the time, but having small ones is all the more reason to get help.

By the way, your kids won't worry about what your house looks like either!

How far are you planning to move? I mean could you bump into him in Tesco or whatever? Will you keep the same job? I am just worried what might happen if he comes after you. Even if he hasn't been violent up to now (I don't know what sort of abuse you mean), the anger might make him become violent.

Bitsy_Beans

No advice as I think others have covered it but just wanted to wish you good luck and all the best for a happier future.

oliver2008

If you on a low income and in receipt of Tax Credits you could apply for a budgeting loan from the DWP, in Scotland you can anyway. There is no interest on the loan and they work out from your income how much you pay back per week/month.

edit - just wanted to add that I left my OH and had no carpets for months, a second hand suite, cooker etc but it was just a relief to be alone. I was at my happiest then actually!