Friends Stopping Me Save

PeteSaver04

Hi

This is my first post but I've been following the forums for a motnh or so now! so Hello!
Does anyone else find that when they are trying to save and not going out there friends seem on a mission to stop them?
I frequently seem to be getting called tight and miserable, and no matter how much i explain i dont want to be skint anymore people dont seem to care...

Just me with this problem???

Thanks!

PasturesNew

PeteSaver04 wrote: »

I frequently seem to be getting called tight and miserable, and no matter how much i explain i dont want to be skint anymore people dont seem to care...

Just me with this problem???

No. It's not just you. I've spent years on a very low income and found that I couldn't make friends because to do so you have to go places and if you get talking to somebody they ask you to do things, and you can't. So that's the end of that.

The bottom line is you just have to stick to your guns and stay in.

Being called tight and miserable is a way of life for me. Yes it hurts. It hurts every time and it hurts a lot. They're not listening to you because they have more money than you and most people think everybody's got the same that they have, therefore you must be tight (not skint).

People mix with people in their disposable income bracket. This is because you mix with people you're sharing events/outings with so you need the same disposable income to be able to keep up.

Now your situation has changed, you'll most likely need new friends (or none if that's what it takes).

Sorry if that sounds bleak, but that's my experience... and you did ask.

So, no, it's not just you. It's them who are being uncaring and selfish.

The only way round it is to find similar things to do that save money. And suggest these (although you might get a knock back).

e.g.
- if somebody suggests a meal, already know where the cheap 'all you can eat' deals are and the rules/hours to get them; know where the BOGOF deals are.
- if somebody wants to go to the cinema, know when the cheaper nights are (orange weds or something similar)

If they're not changing their days/times to match your needs then they're just not real friends to be honest.

I've sometimes gone out with (say, people from work) a group and had to stand back from the rest/deliberately lag so I can buy my own half a coke at the bar and not get involved in rounds. Then deliberately drunk it slowly so that I get out of sync with all rounds, so I can stay out of all of them. Then if there's a meal, order carefully one item you can afford and have NO alcohol, then when it comes to splitting the bill champion the "let's all pay our own, I've only spent £6 and I don't mind chucking in a £1 tip" cause.

jenevieve

Hi Pete,
I know EXACTLY how you feel. None of my friends know about my debt and therefore imagine I have a massive surplus every month to go out.
Despite the credit crunch, some friends just don't seem to be affected and want to carry on spending, spending, spending.

The advice I've got on here has been great and I think that you just have to stick to your guns. Your real friends will understand what you are trying to do. The ones who are splashing it around are either very flush or living beyond their means.
I tend to drive and therefore not drink when I go out which reduces my spending. I'm also not having the 3 courses everytime - good for my weight as well as my debt:D

You can either explain your situation and what you are saving for long-term and ask them to support you, saying that when they call you tight, it's really hurtful because you don't have a bottomless pit of money and are trying to prioritise, or
you can ignore them and stick to what you are doing.

Good luck!:D

lilmissmup

Hi Pete.

Welcome

I am lucky that i don't have friends like that.

They are probably in worse debt than you but don't want to admit it

But you have seen the light now so stick around here and i am sure you will make some good friends who know your situation and will support you.

juicygirl

Hi,

I'm in the same boat. I work in a job that people assume makes me a lot of money. They also don't know about my debt. It makes it very hard to say no to nights out without the 'don't be a bore' line being used. I'm sure my friends/family would be supportive if they knew the truth, but I'm not ready to share it

SarahNeedle1872

I'm lucky that I don't have friends like that.... if one of us is skint, we just say it and its ok. But I can imagine that it must be very frustrating for you....

Look on the bright side though, when you are DF, you can give them all advice of how to do it, because you can bet your bottom dollar that they have debts too

Sarah x

sophie27

My work friends are like that and where I work doesn't help as drinks, meals are so expensive! At the moment, I hardly ever go out at night as really grudge chucking money away on taxi's, drinks, entry to clubs and I would rather work my backside off and clear my debts so I can properly enjoy myself when debt free. Does that make sense?!

I do worry sometimes that I'm missing out but I know I will be much happier splashing the cash when I actually have it! Roll on DFD!

Wannabefree_2

I too have friends at work like that. One of them used to have no money but now she is married to somebody who has loads & she forgets how hard it is, another is in even worse debt than me but still continues to go out as she doesn`t want to miss anything. I`ve got a 2nd job(part time) as well as a full time job & i say i`m not working 2 jobs just so i can go out spending i`d rather use it to pay off my debts. If they don`t like it then tough! Thats my response.

madmalteaser

I'm also lucky I don't have friends like that. As soon as I started to admit how much in debt I was they were all very understanding and when we did organise a meet-up, it was always something pretty cheap or even just a cuppa round each other's houses! If you trust your friends then I don't see why you can't be open with them about your debt, you'll probably find they'll start to admit how much debt they're in and then you can all organise cheap days/nights out!

PS I've bookmarked your blog PeteSaver04, looking forward to seeing you make your first million!

jak

I know what you mean about friends like that. I've 1 friend who always wants to meet up for a meal or coffee out. It is driving me mad! I don't have the cash for meals out and if I did then i'd spend it on something else I need - for the baby which is due in 3 weeks, or put it towards my debts. She wants to go out of Thurs but I'm going to invite her round for a cup of tea instead and make dinner here.
It's ok for her, she lives at home! And works full time. She knows about my debt- but now it's nearly paid off she seems to think I will go shopping/out with her all the time. It's so frustrating!
J
X

Tigert

My friends are very supportive so I'm pretty lucky there.

It's my work colleagues that drive me mad. Just because they know roughly what I earn and because I'm, they assume it is all disposable income.

I'm not prepared to tell them about my debt problems so they can go ahead and think what they like.