Friends Stopping Me Save

marksandsparksgal

Hi,

I can only echo what others have said, and suggest that if they can't adapt to your wishes now and again, then they're pretty crap friends!

It doesn't always have to be about going out and spending money, some of the best nights out I've had have involved dinners at a collegues house (I'm 23, they're all middle aged women and they're hilarious!), and also, if anyone has a video games console (esp the wii), a games night can be hilarious. I've also been to girly nights where we all gossip and do nails etc, and film nights are always good.

I think as this credit crunch begins to bite and people's disposable income falls, we'll start to see a lot more of these, I hope!

jak

I hope so. they are the best kind of nights I think! So much fun! And loads cheaper...
I've decided to tell my friend I'm not going out for dinner with her this week. She can come here or not see me. Up to her. I'm fed up of treading on egg shells about it. Going to be blunt!!! Also she always offers to pay which I don't want her to do! Makes me feel like a poor relation...Plus I don't want to spend all my money on cr*p!
J
X
Great thread by the way...helped me to focus on what's important...and what isn't!!!

PeteSaver04

thanks, I think it'll all catch up with my mates who are still spending, I am trying to be cautious so i dont end up in a bigger hole than I am already. I am moving back in with my parents now after a year because its almost impossible to survive living alone on my salary!

Buffythedebtslayer

my friends say they are supportive and understand and then we still do the same things we always do, although I just see them less often.

the most annoying thing is one of my friends is going on about how skint she is but then actually made me feel terrible cos I was trying to look for some thing cheap for my friends birthday, hello have no spare cash here!!! my best mate is marvellous tho, she gets it good.

xx

jenevieve

This is a good thread - peer pressure and social consequences of living the DFW life-style can be difficult.
I have a group of friends who I socialise with and as we all do similar jobs our monthly salaries are pretty much the same. And as none of them know about my debt, they all assume I have a reasonable amount of cash.

What annoys me is this:
When we all go out for a meal, irrespective of how many courses we have individually had or who has drunk alcohol or who hasn't, the bill is split equally between all of us. Last month, we all paid £20 each (I know it's not masses but....) and I was slightly aggrieved that a friend had 3 courses for her £20 whereas I had a main meal only - it was the most expensive roast dinner I have ever had. It isn't always the same people who don't drink so it's swings and roundabouts I know, but now I am serious about getting my debt down, I am unsure of how to reduce my costs without looking like a miser....... Plus I'm not a big drinker so I tend to drive pretty much all of the time.

perfectlypoor

Me and OH feel like we are always saying we can't afford it. People don't make us feel uncomfty but we still feel horrible we can't do all the things that we get invited to do.PP

Alias_Omega

I cant afford to save, i have a 7 month old baby..and a wife..

aardvaak

PasturesNew wrote: »

No. It's not just you. I've spent years on a very low income and found that I couldn't make friends because to do so you have to go places and if you get talking to somebody they ask you to do things, and you can't. So that's the end of that.

The bottom line is you just have to stick to your guns and stay in.

Being called tight and miserable is a way of life for me. Yes it hurts. It hurts every time and it hurts a lot. They're not listening to you because they have more money than you and most people think everybody's got the same that they have, therefore you must be tight (not skint).

People mix with people in their disposable income bracket. This is because you mix with people you're sharing events/outings with so you need the same disposable income to be able to keep up.

Now your situation has changed, you'll most likely need new friends (or none if that's what it takes).

Sorry if that sounds bleak, but that's my experience... and you did ask.

So, no, it's not just you. It's them who are being uncaring and selfish.

The only way round it is to find similar things to do that save money. And suggest these (although you might get a knock back).

e.g.
- if somebody suggests a meal, already know where the cheap 'all you can eat' deals are and the rules/hours to get them; know where the BOGOF deals are.
- if somebody wants to go to the cinema, know when the cheaper nights are (orange weds or something similar)

If they're not changing their days/times to match your needs then they're just not real friends to be honest.

I've sometimes gone out with (say, people from work) a group and had to stand back from the rest/deliberately lag so I can buy my own half a coke at the bar and not get involved in rounds. Then deliberately drunk it slowly so that I get out of sync with all rounds, so I can stay out of all of them. Then if there's a meal, order carefully one item you can afford and have NO alcohol, then when it comes to splitting the bill champion the "let's all pay our own, I've only spent £6 and I don't mind chucking in a £1 tip" cause.[/quote

I have to agree with you PN - I know just how you feel!

angeldiva

I haven't admitted my debt to my friends, I find it a bit embarrassing that I even got into this situation. I often get invited to parties, clubs, meals, drinks etc. However this year I started studying through work.
It was wonderful!!!! Since Feb all I have to do when people invite me anywhere is say 'sorry honey I'm studying and my exam is soon so I cant come'

They are all very understanding and I have managed to get out of everything!! They have no idea two of my exams have been and gone.

jenevieve

angeldiva wrote: »

I haven't admitted my debt to my friends, I find it a bit embarrassing that I even got into this situation. I often get invited to parties, clubs, meals, drinks etc. However this year I started studying through work.
It was wonderful!!!! Since Feb all I have to do when people invite me anywhere is say 'sorry honey I'm studying and my exam is soon so I cant come'

They are all very understanding and I have managed to get out of everything!! They have no idea two of my exams have been and gone.

What a great idea, angeldiva! I think I need to start doing that!!!!
:T