Custody of children...ARGH!!!

marc.faulkner

Hiya,

I'm not sure whether anybody on here will be able to shed any light on this situation for me, however I thought it was worth asking.

My mothers partner fought for custody of his three children a few years ago and won, as their biological mother declared to the family court that she no longer wanted to see them (after a long, gruelling, 2 year battle through the courts). Sadly he passed away a few weeks ago, which left my mother with the children.

I've just spoken to my mother, and it seems that their biological mother is now back on the scene. She apparently contacted the kids school numerous times yesterday demanding access to them, and stating that she was going to fight to get them back.

My question is, what rights does my mother have currently? She's trying to get hold of her solicitor (who acted for her and her partner during the custody battle) however can't reach him at the moment and is terrified that biological mum could turn up at any time and try to take the kids!

Cheers,

Marc

hjb123

sorry to hear that, dont know what the situation would be but someone else may be along soon with more info but best information will no doubt be from solicitor.

What age are the children?

marc.faulkner

The children are 11, 10 and 8; and have been with my mother and her partner for almost 5 years.

As soon as we can get hold of her solicitor, we will be seeking his advice. (The difficulty is that I live 100 miles away...and my mother doen't drive so is relying on telephone to contact him)

Marker_2

Can't imagine the position your mother is in.

It is awful that the mother walked away 5 years ago. Out of interest you said there was a 2 year court battle, was this a custody battle - as a mother I can imagine that would take the life out of anyone and maybe the mother just felt it easier to give up and walk away, not everyone is strong.

If i were your mother, course I would fight to keep the kids, but at the end of the day the other women is still their mother and if after 5 years shes woken up to her senses, she should be at least allow to grow a relationship with them again and maybe eventually gain full custody, the kids are still relatively young.

Best of luck to your mother and hope what ever outcome is reached is best all round for the kids.

hjb123

So has the mother not had contact in this time? If so the kids would barely even know her?

marc.faulkner

Thanks for your comments. I agree that the kids should be given the choice of contact with their mother, although certainly for the eldest too it should be their decision.

Their mother hasn't had any contact at all for 4 years.

Uniscots97

Strong person or not surely no decent parent would willingly walk away from her children? Good luck to the OP's Mum, the kids probably see her as there Mum anyway if there's been no contact from their biological Mum.

Marker_2

unixgirluk wrote: »

Strong person or not surely no decent parent would willingly walk away from her children? Good luck to the OP's Mum, the kids probably see her as there Mum anyway if there's been no contact from their biological Mum.

When you've reached a point you've reached a point, just because you cant understand why some mothers (and fathers) just walk away doesnt make them any less decent as parents. For all we know the mother did these kids a favour by walking away, they could still be going through the courts now with TWO unhappy and stresed parents. Not knowing the full circumstances, which will never be put accuratly on paper, I am looking at it from the side where the mother shold be given the benefit of the doubt to build up her relationship with her kids again.

So long as that mother knows she cant just take her kids away (who probably still remember their mother well, and happy memories they used to share whether they talk about it or not) from OPs mother. She needs to become a figure in their life once again.

Good Luck OP, like I said, whatever decisions are made hope it benefits the children and makes them happy in the long run.x

marc.faulkner

The reason the custody battle was so long and protracted was that it was complicated on both sides. The childrens mother (who had custody initially) is an alcoholic, and the father was an alcoholic.

Social services and CAFCAS were both involved, and the case was very much in the fathers favour as he was able to offer a stable home enviroment (with my mother). He was ultimately granted an interim residence order, and at this stage the mother seemed to lose all interest and said that she didn't want to see the kids again. This was the last that was heard of her for 4 years.

I'm quite sure that my mother would like them to have contact with their mother, if it's what they want, she's just worried that the mother (irrational as she had been in the past) may try to take them away.

Uniscots97

Marker wrote: »

When you've reached a point you've reached a point, just because you cant understand why some mothers (and fathers) just walk away doesnt make them any less decent as parents. For all we know the mother did these kids a favour by walking away, they could still be going through the courts now with TWO unhappy and stresed parents. Not knowing the full circumstances, which will never be put accuratly on paper, I am looking at it from the side where the mother shold be given the benefit of the doubt to build up her relationship with her kids again.

So long as that mother knows she cant just take her kids away (who probably still remember their mother well, and happy memories they used to share whether they talk about it or not) from OPs mother. She needs to become a figure in their life once again.

Good Luck OP, like I said, whatever decisions are made hope it benefits the children and makes them happy in the long run.x

Sorry maybe my opinion is biased but I live with two (now) teenagers who's mother "gave up" on them. They have no happy memories (this is their words), the happy memories they had of their real mother were wiped out by the fact she walked away and has had no (and wanted no) contact. Sorry but this sounds similar. Good luck to the OP's Mum. It won't be easy for her or the kids. They may not even want to see their real Mum, their feelings have to be considered too.

marc.faulkner

unixgirluk wrote: »

They may not even want to see their real Mum, their feelings have to be considered too.

You're absolutely spot on, the eldest 2 have said that they want nothing to do with her. I don't think it's right to force her upon them against their wishes.

The youngest, being only 8, doesn't remember her hardly. He doesn't know what he wants.