please help

jetcat

hi, am sorry - i know this isnt money saving, but i really dont know where else to turn. Me and ex split 7 yrs ago, and i moved to new town with our 2 kids. the relationship he has with them, esp the eldest is very near breaking point, as he constantly swears at her (she is SEN, a very 'black and white' kind of girl, and hates swearing - she gets really upset)

anyway, that is the background. the bit i need a bit advice is to do with his mate. his mate is a policeman who works in the town where i live. basically, what is happening is that he is reporting back to ex when i go out, where i go, checking up on me if i have said i have gone to one place - will literally drive the big police van up and down my street! i have suspected this for a while, but tonight, after a huge "you said you were going here, when i know for a fact you were here....." fight, my daughter confirmed my suspicions, saying that she had overheard her dad on phone to said mate.

is there anything i can do? i am moving away, but that wont be for approx a year yet, and i am so stressed over it all!!! the relationship i had with him was violent, which is why i left him, but it feels like he is still trying to control me! i get so scared sometimes when i know he is checking up on me, yet i feel like i cant contact the police, due to his mate!

any advice would be great, and please go easy on me......... i have my own health issues, and am feeling very emotional!

danfx

of course you can contact the police they will help you its classed as harrasment, take it to the courts if not the police.

Stephb1986_2

You can contact the police and he will be stopped from entering your street and following you he will have a serious telling off when they do find out make sure you speak to one of the big boys not just a normal police officer.

Steph xx

MrsTinks

I know several police officers and I doubt he's convinced his mate to do it for malicious reasons... He's probably spun him a story to get him to keep an eye on you as he shouldn't be following you round when he's on duty unless he's not keen on keeping his job.
You could either just ask him really nicely to please stop following you around etc - or if you feel that he's not a nice person and is aware of why your ex is wanting him to follow you then go to his superior officer. Honestly then neither his commanding officer nor his coleagues will be impressed with him following you etc so long as you remain calm when making your complaint and you HAVE to stay calm and factual...

paddy's_mum

Write a fair and courteous letter of complaint straight to the Chief Constable of your county. I guarantee you that action will be taken against this pest of an officer!

mum2one

Def agree re letter, they go a very long way.

I know this is a difficult time, but plz remember u are a strong person, and you are not in the wrong, what ur ex is doing is harresment and the fact that he has dragged someone else into the equation is past a joke. As the other poster said he may of spun the policeman a sob story.

The other thing is try and have dates and times, and also if you can reg numbers, as your making a complaint, the more evidence you can produce in advance, the less likely ur have to try and remember.

Digressing slightly, but based on the same line as one of the other posters, I had a complaint to make regarding 2 officers, i was shaking writing the letter, but got it done, addressed it to the chief constable, I disnt post it, I dropped it off at the police station, (for 2 reasons, 1 they couldnt deny it had got lost in the post, 2 ur on cctv, so I could prove that I went).

Im plzed to say my letter went right up the chain of command, came back to an Inspector to investagage, the outcome, the 2 officers concerned were spoke to, given advice how to handle the situation differently. It was a different situation to urs but they were really nice about it, and Im plzed I wrote.
x

journ

I would report them both to the police because the police office should be doing his job to which he is being paid for and NOT to do his mates dirty work they are both s**** because there is children who can get hart your EX needs to get his own life and leave you and your children alone

jetcat

thanks guys - have calmed down a bit now! i think i will write a letter, but before i send it, i will ask ex about it - making sure i have someone in the house with me.

regarding him telling his mate a sob story - i dont actually think his mate believes that he has hit me in the past - despite police being involved (not his force) but i still think he is wrong for passing on info. Honestly, there is no other reason he could be doing this - ie. i am not a criminal, not 'up to stuff'!

i have had bad experiences with the police in the past though, as a victim, not as a perpetrator, and think this is why i am a little hesitant to get them involved, but as a previous poster said, there are my children to consider, andthis just isnt fair on them.

thanks for taking the time to read and answer my post!

MrsTinks

No worries Jetcat

Honetsly not all coppers are bad people I live next door to one and he's as sweet as can be and I have another mate who's a copper too (she normally does my nails for me LOL) and again she's lovely and I don't think that no matter how great mates we are they'd do anything like that for me so I think your ex has very likely spun him a story. Maybe that you're unstable, possibly doing drugs etc and he's afraid for his kids blah blah blah Not saying it's the case, just that if your ex is so vindictive that could explain why his mate is willing to help him if he really believes that you could be endangering his mates kids if you see?
Definitely make your complaint, I'd speak to the mate too before but it is entirely up to you if you feel up to it Complaints in my experience are always taken very seriously