wits end

missminkles

i have never posted on this site before but have been reading the threads for some time now. i am in a bit of a pickle, im 30 years old and in £24000 of debt, i have no security or property (thats worth anything!) but the main problem is that £6000 of the debt is owed to someone who i thought was a friend. i turned to him when i really needed help and he stepped up no questions asked, lent me the money and that was that, or so i thought, he has now for the last year or so tried to blackmail me, at first into sleeping with him, then by just being aggressive and threatening, lots of nasty texts and phonecalls etc, i have paid him some of the money back but am unable to pay it all back in one go which is what he wants, he refuses to have a monthly payment aggreement with me and is also refusing to acnowledge that some of the debt has been paid off already (£2000) he does have dirt on me which would destroy my relationship with my long term partner and hurt my family alot, i am unable to secure any loans to consolidate debts and pay him off, im at my wits end with this, i cant sleep, ive lost nearly a stone weight with worry, and on some occasions feel suicidal, i dont know what to do, has anyone else been in this situation?

loobylou2

OMG!!!!! Thats dreadful.Sorry hun, I don't know what to say apart from he sounds awful, don't go anywhere near him!!!! I'm sure that someone will be along really soon with better advice than I can give you but in the meantime try not to panic. You've made the right step in posting this. Lots of hugs.

CHEAP_AS_CHIPS_4

Hi missminkles

I am really sorry to hear about your situation, obviously we dont know all the facts, but from what you have said, i dont this other man is just interested in the money, and no matter what you pay it may not be enough.

Try to remember that nothing is ever as a bad as you think and there is always a solution.

i really think that you need to talk to your partner or family, no matter how hard, there has been many people on this board that for one reason or another have kept things from family/partner and when they do tell, it usually never as bad as it seems.

with regards to the blackmail, can you go to the police as i dont think you should be dealing with this all by yourself.

i am sorry i cant be more help, i'm others wiser than me will be along soon

take care and please keep posting, we are here for you x

SuzySu

Oh I'm so sorry to hear this - he sounds like a right knob. I know you say he does not want monthly payments, but if that is all you can manage then why is he refusing. At least if you made the payments by direct debit, then he could not deny receiving the money as there would be a record on both your bank statements?

Can't think of anything else at the moment, but as LoubyLou said, others will be able to advise you later.

Look after yourself.

Buffythedebtslayer

He is clearly a horribly controlling man. sorry I am sure you know that, but the swear filter won't let me say what I really want to say!

I figure there are main two ways out of this,

1. you pay him off ( although this would depend on your credit rating etc - do you think you could borrow the money??)

although I have to say I would be loathe to do this. nasty little scrot that he is.

2. you deny all knowledge of the debt, and go to the police. now that depends on the "dirt" he has on you and how much you think this would affect your family.

In my experience things are never as bad as you think they, easy to say but the amount of times I have worried my self sick over stuff to discover my family are angry etc but it is managable - it amazes me.

I would cease direct contact with him, if you have to see him, take a friend

you must take control back- its hard but you can't keep doing this to yourself, so make a plan of how much you can pay back and when and how and explain if he doesn't keep to this then you will go to the police. he is threatening you and that is wrong, this is not your fault. you borrowed the money from a friend in good faith, he has no rights to you as a person. he may have rights to the money, although without a written agreement he would find this difficult to inforce.

Look, what ever happens to you this situation will change and you will get through it. please keep posting and let us know you are ok.


take care

xxx

missminkles

thanks for your support x

taxi73

Please tell your family as even if you pay him back in full he may still continue blackmailing you..I'd also call the police as well about the threatening calls etc.

embarrassed_about_my_debt

I know this may be frowned upon on here but tell him that if he doesnt stop with the pressure tactics then he wont see a penny of the money (from what you've said it doesnt sound like you have anything in writing) and like wise if he tells anyone anything then again he wont see any of the money.

Sounds like he is the sort of scum that would resort to the thought of losing the money.

*MF*

Hate to hear how this has turned out for you - and want to add another possible option, I know it's maybe not the best option, but one for you to think about anyways - see a solicitor.

It may be a way of getting a legal agreement drawn up to repay the money, and may be a way also of legally stopping any continuing harassment or threats, and may be a way of taking legal action to restrict/stop any stories he may threaten to tell.

What I am hoping is that just one letter to him from a solicitor may make him think very hard about what he is doing to you, and turn some pressure onto him for a change. He very badly needs that imho.

Do you have access to any legal assistance - thru' a Union or staff association?

peb

Please seek legal help - get the debt put on some sort of formal footing and look into getting an injuction to stop further contact from him.

MrsTinks

Whatever "dirt" he has on you will sound better coming from you when it's explained to your partner than from this dirt bag and it means you won't have it hanging over you for the rest of your time together. I would strongly recommend you contact the police regarding the blackmail otherwise this is going to go on and on. Can you in anyway proove that you have repaid some of the money already to back things up for when you tell your partner and the police?
Whilst possibly not the obvious place to seek help have you thought about contacting the Samaritans to speak to someone about it all?