What is a fair contribution?

Oldernotwiser

Concentrate on the issues that concern your husband and yourself and ignore the others. Your concern should be that he pays a reasonable contribution for his rent/keep (at least £70 per week) and looks after his own washing etc. What doesn't concern you is his debts and how he sorts them.

You say that other relatives treat him like a little boy but you're doing exactly the same. This really doesn't help him; he's already lost his opportunity of having his own flat because of the way you subsidise him and make his life easier. I'm sure you mean well but you're really not doing him any favours by treating him as a child.

miserly_mum

kr15snw wrote: »

Firsty he needs to start doing some housework, otherwise he will struggle majorly in the real world. Luckily I have a sympathetic boyfriend, so Ive got through it. I was treated like my brother when at home so when I moved out I had no idea how an oven, washing machine or even iron worked! I also struggle with leaving dishes and packets on the side as my mum would always insist she tidied up. I feel so guilty now!!

I'm 20 years older than this poster and I still struggle with the concept of housework, tidying up after myself etc because my Mother also did EVERYTHING for me.

I did find things a struggle when I got married at 21 and moved into my first flat. I was ok with the finances but hadn't a clue about washing machines or cooking etc. Even then i'm embarrassed to admit my Mum did most of my housework.

I'm now 41 and Mum to 6 kids so as you can imagine I had to learn over the years. But if i'm honest I still have to push myself to do any domestic stuff. I do them obviously because they have to be done but it will NEVER come naturally to me.

I know my Mum thought she was doing me a favour by doing everything for me, and it was done out of love. But she gave me a blueprint of how NOT to bring up my own kids. Even my 2 year old helps load the washing machine, can use a duster and can butter his own toast etc

OP you will be doing your Step-son the biggest act of kindness ever if you take a hard line with him now. He'll probably hate you for it at the time, but he'll thank you for it later (and so will his future wife/partner)