My 7 Year old daughter is unhappy

Cariad_3

This could be my 9 year old son you are talking about.
Since he started school I have had a lot of problems with him not wanting to go to school,"its boring", "its too noisy" etc
I have always kept the teachers informed but things became very difficult last year. The feedback I have had is that he is a very bright child and also popular but this isn't any help when hes crying at night or in the morning before school. I asked the teacher to give him jobs of responsibility and pieces of more difficult work.
What a difference this made! He became the register monitor and suddenly he felt very important. He liked having work that challenged him and he became a much happier little boy. This term I have had no problem with him but I make sure I monitor the situation regularly. I have his friends over on the w/end occasionally, he now goes to judo class, we go swimming & bake regularly together(he makes a mean victoria sandwich!) & he needs a lot of cuddles & praise & being told how special he is. He is a home bird & has told me he is hibernating through winter & isn't going to go out until the Spring! His brother age 11 yrs is a party animal & I can't keep him in! Children are very individual. Good luck whatever you decide.

KK

Oh this has put the fear of God into me - I'm already worried about my 4 year old who is in reception. She is a lovely sociable little girl and has plenty of friendships which I have engineered from babyhood but I don't think she is very good at forming friendships independently from scratch. The little girls in her class already seemed to have paired off and Ellie apparently plays with a little girl we knew beforehand. I am having to stop myself from spying on her in the school playground 'cos it would break my heart to see her on her own. I always had plenty of friends at school, but at secondary school had problems with one particular friend who 'stole' my best friend and it made me really depressed at the time.

I know I should let her get on with it, and I do think she would tell me if she was unhappy, or I hope I could tell. I'm seeing her teacher in a couple of weeks time so may learn more then. I know how friends can enhance your life, and how lack of them could make you miserable, but maybe she is too young for me to be worrying. I know you can't protect them from the world, but she does go to a school that places a high emphasis on caring and sharing and being nice and respectful to one another so I have hopes there.

Anyway aeuerby I hope your little girl sorts things out and I can sympathise with your worries.

aeuerby

Thanks to all for your help and support.

Here's an update:

Since Shannon has been catching up on her sleep, things seem to have improved. I know lack of sleep can blow things up out of proportion.

We are baking chocolate chip cookies tomorrow and some "friends" are coming over to make some christmas decorations.

I have seen her teacher over the "Brat" I mentioned further up. She was already aware that he was upsetting Shannon but now she knows that I know - if you see what I mean - she is going to keep a closer eye on the situation.

Shannon is getting closer to her "normal" happy self and is getting lots of support at school now. There is light at the end of the tunnel

Thanks again
Angela.

16011996

really really pleased for you. :-* thats so good to hear, have fun with the cookies and that tomorrow.

Spendless

Hi KK

My own 4 year old started reception recently and i was concerned cos he seemed to revert to babyish behaviour - so i put it up on here and people re-assured me that it was normal behaviour.

You say she's playing with a girl she's always known - i wouldn't worry about her not having made friends with someone new - kids change friends frequently at this age -but talk to the teacher if you think she is by herself.

Also what does the school do each year - my sons school has at least 2 sometimes 3 classes for each year - and each September the kids are mixed up - it is done so that they learn to form new friendships and meet different people from an early age.

sheenagh_2

My kids go to a Rudolf Steiner School so it works differently for them, it is run European style with no sats and key stages. There is an emphasis on social skills and relationships so her teacher is very hot on classroom politics. Apart from this though children are children all over. My oldest, 7 next month, has been really tired since going back to school. In her tired = pre teenager grumpy beast. She is having an absolute ball at school and has been having a very active social life so this last week I have been cancelling stuff much to her disgust. I have also been getting her in bed by 7. This has all really helped. Your bed time routine sounds great, I must try the lavender oil in the bath thing.

Sleep makes the world look joyful!

I am glad things are on the up for you Angela

Peakma

I always liked the idea of steiner schools when I was a child.My boys dont enjoy school much, we live in the countryside, and it seems to be quite a nice little school,I haven't really considered sending them anywhere else, but just out of intrest, can you tell me if you have to pay to go to the stiener school ? Also I seem to remember a friend at secondary school had previously attended stiener, but they only taught kids to age 11, then they had to suddenly fit in at a regular secondary school, which she had found difficult.Is this generally the case?

Plumpud_3

My 6 year old daughter went through something similar last year. She had been with most of the same children in pre-school as she was with in Reception. She was really friendly with two other girls and they were inseperable. One of them came from a difficult background and was quite domineering.

When it came to year 1, they decided she was very bright and put her and five other children up with the year 2's. They were children she was friendly with, but they weren't her friends. She hated going to school, and often had 'tummy ache', but also seemed to pick up every little bug going.

She has always made friends easily, but these children already had their own groups, including the other 5 put up into the class with her. It didn't help that one of the girls was a nasty, manipulative piece of work (the type already mentioned in postings above). I have known her since she was born as I used to work with her Nan. She hadn't bothered my daughter before as she had got her own group of friends, but didn't half pick on her once my daughter was without her close friends.

Anyway come year 2, they put her best friend in with her again and she is now like a different child. Can't wait to go to school. Works really hard. So much happier.

Of the 2 best friends she had, one had made new friends, but the overpowering one didn't. They still played together at break, but it wasn't enough for either of them. It turned out that her friend had glue ear and since treatment is much calmer. When her mother spoke to her teacher about it, the teacher commented that she thought the girl didn't hear her when she spoke to her, but hadn't told the parents!!

My story has a happy ending, but you need to keep on at the school. I think it was only because we kept telling the school that she wasn't happy, that they eventually did something.

There are three things that you have to keep in mind:-

Firstly, the teacher does not know what your child is normally like, so may think her behaviour is 'normal' when you know it isn't. Sometimes, teachers 'turn a blind eye' and just hope to get to the end of the day/week/term/year without too much trouble (I'm not saying all teachers are like that, but everyone I've spoken to have come across teachers like that - even other teachers).

Secondly, time is much slower for a child. At my age time flies by so quick, but I remember being 7 and how long it seemed to get to Christmas, my birthday, the summer holidays etc. It is a very large proportion of their life to be miserable.

And thirdly, children don't have mortgages and bills to worry about. This is their equivalent not being able to pay the mortgage or being made redundant. It figures hugely in their lives. Sometimes it is easy not to see just how important these issues are to a child.

I hope your daughter continues to improve and make new friends.

sheenagh_2

Sorry to be a while responding Peakma.

Yep you do have to pay for steiner education but it is not as expensive as the traditional independant schools, I was talking to an old school friend and she pays in a month what I pay in a term and she has to buy uniform and books and kit all from the school shop.

Some schools only go up to different ages, reception or age 11. My kids go to a school that starts at 3 and finishes at 17. The children do gcse's over two years, 3 at 16 and 4 at 17. The children do not start to read and write until they are 6/7 but they are supposed to be at the same level as state school by 9/10. I guess this is supported by the GCSE results which are good. As to whether they have trouble fitting in I couldn't really answer. My 6 very nearly 7 year old has lots of friends in and out of school and does not feel any differences yet, even when her best friend since birth started to learn her letters. Steiner schooling is meant to focus on personal confidence and social skills so I hope this will help them cope with different ways of being.

Hope this is helpful, you could also look at https://www.elmfield.com.