My 7 Year old daughter is unhappy

aeuerby

Towards the end of the summer holidays my daughter started acting very strangely. She wouldn't go to sleep, was very unhappy & very tired. It turned out she was worried about going back to school.

She was about to start in KS2 which is in another part of her school building. The new class she was going into did not have any of her friends in and she didn't really know the teacher or what to expect. My husband, son (who is 12) and I all tried to reassure her and point out all the exciting new things she will be doing.

The first 5 weeks back were a nightmare for me. It was a viscious circle of my daughter being tired, getting worked up, crying when she went to bed resulting in her being late to sleep and then tired the next day and so it went on.

I spoke to the teacher who informed me that she is fine in the classroom, very intelligent ;D but she had noticed that my daughter is on her own alot at playtimes but she doesn't seem to unhappy about it (my daughter later told me she is a bit unhappy about this).

Anyway, to make a long story a bit shorter we managed to get her back into a good sleeping routine ie: Bath with lavender oil, half and hour calming down time before bed and one of those lavender smelling plug-in things. That coupled with a treat like an ice-cream at the end of the week if she was good. This did make a huge difference as she was waking up refreshed and happier. She did keep saying things like "I don't want to go to school" but I would tell her that I wasn't going that road again and to go to sleep.

The problem of no friends has reared it's ugly head again. I took her to bed last night (granted she didn't have a bath) and the tears arrived. She told me no-one wants to play with her anymore and she doesn't want to join in with the "girly" games (she's a bit of a Tom-boy!)
I did say the usual stuff like you can't have things your own way all the time and there should be give & take with friends etc but to no avail. I have also told her that I really can't make friends for her/force people to play with her.

She does have a friend that she spends a fair amount of time with out of school but she doesn't play with him in school.

Anyway, I was wondering if anyone else has come across a similar problem and how to handle it. My husband tells me she is only like this when she is tired & after attention as the friends thing never gets mentioned at anytime other than bed time.

Anyway, sorry to have gone on a bit but thanks for reading.

Angela.

ashmit

I don't have any kids so no advice but I wanted to send you some sympathy - plenty of clever people on here, I'm sure someone will be able to help.

Spendless

Hi

Do you know any of the children/ childrens parents in your daughters new class?

Could you invite one of them back for tea?

aeuerby

I do know some of the parents of the children in the class. Unfortunately their kids are brats and I don't like them let alone my daughter.

The friend she plays with at home spends alot of time here as she does at his house but for some reason they don't play together at school.

I did suggest that she invite her friend from when they were in KS1 but they don't play together anymore.

Kids - they drive you mad

Thanks for the suggestions anyway

Angela. ;D

Sarahsaver

My daughter has been odd ever since the end of the summer holidays, she is 7 too.
She went on holiday to Gran Canaria with her daddy for 2 WEEKS which in hindsight was too long but i couldnt deny her that and didnt want any friction with her dad.
Then it's new class, new kids, new routine, how SHOULD a 7 year old cope with this!? coupled with the fact that she had 'been to africa' and had a tan and braids in her hair that made her look like a little mini bo derek ;D I think in her mind she was 'different' and above us lesser mortals who had to be content with a trip to the park.
Her birthday - and more trouble. her best friend couldnt come to her party so more anger. The door slamming and screaming only just stopped (fingers crossed) She's been 'forgetting' her homework and reading books. There was also some bullying at the start of the term which she didnt tell me about for a while.
My daughter is bored at school, maybe yours is too? Mine finds nothing much a challenge so does everything in a hurry or else not at all because she knows she can do it anyway.
my daughter will 'go on' about things - like maybe yours does? I try to find positive things to talk about and ask 'whats the best thing you did at school' rather than 'did you have a good day'. Theres too much emphasis on 'fitting in', being part of a crowd. You should tell your daughter you are proud of her. i hate the term 'loner' I really enjoy my own company ;D
Sounds like you have a bedtime routine anyway, tell her you would like to talk in the daytime when YOU are less tired. Put dates with your daughter in the calendar as a reward. She is old enough to join the junior section of st. John ambulance, or the brownies. im trying to get my daughter into one of these, to give her more interests outside of school.
Best of luck.

Mrs_Thrift

Hi Angela,

I don't have any children either, but I remember being 7 myself, and that could have been me 20 years ago that you were describing. The only thing I can say is, with reassurance from my family that it's OK to not fit in, and them giving me confidence in myself, I got through it, and I'm actually still very good friends with 4 people from my Primary School, as we got closer over the years and then stayed in touch.

I never particularly fittind in at Primary or Secondary school, but it does get better, as you become more able to deal with different emotions and so on. I've had my ups and downs but in general life has just got better as I've got older, and I'm the happiest I've ever been now.

Hope things settle down for your daughter soon,

Mrs Thrift

jockettuk

in our school when the kids are moving up classes and especially from ks1 infants to ks2 juniors we have a moving up day at school.. they spend the whole day with the new teacher and the children they will be in with.. This has helped my daughter settle in not that she has always liked the teacher or kids she is going to be with but at least she knows what to expect during the summer hols, so far no hassles abt going back to school...

If you still worried abt your child speak to your doctor abt your worries they might be able to help .. no harm in asking especially if you have tried every other avenue ...

aeuerby

Thanks Ssaver.

I have wondered if she is bored at school. She does keep saying school is boring and I put it down to the usual things that she says when she is tired and fed up - but the thought has crossed my mind that maybe she really is bored and not being challenged enough. I think I shall have a word with her teacher about that one...

Unfortunately Brownies/St Johns etc isn't really Shannon's idea of fun. I have suggested things for her to do after school but she isn't interested.

She did have an episode early on in September where some girls (year 4 & Shannon is Year 3) were laughing at her in the changing rooms and she didn't like it but apparently the teacher spotted this early on and told the girls off. We have talked about bullying and if anyone picks on her then she tells the teacher and us so we can sort it out. But it seems to have put her off PE now. ::)

We do give her bags of reassurance but I think she does lack confidence - must get that from me

Anyway thanks for everyone's help, it's good to know that other people have been through/going through similar things and that it doesn't last forever - although when you are tired it feels like it!!

Mrs_Thrift

Just another thought - something that helped me deal with things was writing it all down and knowing the diary was completely secret. I hid it in my room, and my Mum never cleaned or tidied obtrusively and the cupboards were completely private. Privacy has always been respected in our house, so I knew it was safe to write things down, and it helped to get it off my chest.

Maybe you could give your daughter a special journal and pen for her own thoughts and feelings, and make it clear to her that it's something tht's personal to her, and you'll never snoop, so she feels confident using it.

GuinnessGirl_2

Does your daughter like reading? It might be useful for her to take a book to school so that even if she is alone in breaktime she could sit and read. This might not be a great suggestion as it could isolate her more but could help the horror of having nothing to do at break?

rushnowt

Angela, i completely sympathise with your situation. before we moved area in Dec last year i had completely the same situation as you've described, my daughter (who's 9 now) didn't want to go to school got her self so upset about it and couldn't sleep, there was many a night were we would still be up with her a 2 in the morning because of the tears and distress, i tried everything as you've mentioned going to the teacher, inviting friends for tea etc etc, but to no avail, she also had 1 very good friend that she would play with at home or go to her home to play, but for some reason didn't play with her in school. Her teacher also said shes a bit of a loner and doesn't mix with others much she seems to enjoy playing alone and seems quite happy. Not the kind of thing i was seeing at home when it was me seeing her so upset she was phyically sick, she would tell me nobody likes her, it would wrench at my heart. Eventually i allowed her to take any games or anything she wanted to school with her, that way it may encourage the other children to want to join her in what she was doing, it did help a little, and then she started to do other things in school during break times, they started to do dance, gym, football clubs etc to occupy the children and she joined in with these and made friends in other classses. is this something your school does or if not could you encourage them to do so. it might be an idea.
We've moved now to a new area and new school and it's completely different i can't keep up with the amount of friends she has, shes either on the phone to them or they're round at our house, or she's at theres is a complete turnaround and shes so much happier.
Another thing when i did go to see the teacher she told me she was quite dreamy and didn't pay attention in class, something that doesn't occur now at the new school and she's happy to do the work and pay attention in class now, i sometimes wonder if its actually the teacher they don't like and it affects they're whole situation :-/
I hope you can sort this out as quickly as possible for everybodys sake, i know from experience it is an awful and terribly upsetting situation to be in. all my love and best wishes x