New dad- money advice for nearly parents

BaritoneUK

Hi all,
My wife is due at the end of September. I tend to do most of the money things and I thought it was about time to stop burying my head in the sand and start to preparing to be a good dad! I have been quite scared about it all to be honest but I am excited too and it's my wife who has to go through actually having the baby. I really want to be there for her on the day of the birth and be helpful. But for the time being I want to prepare for the future. I looked at the family and health bit of the MSE web site and there isn't a specific article by Martin about preparing to be a parent which I think is a shame. There are articles on Child Trust Funds and stuff, but it would be a good to have an article that puts all the money related stuff about being a parent together.

So, what should we prepare for? I've come up with the following, but I'd be grateful if anyone could come up with anything I've missed and also any advice on them...

1. Get our will done again. We got our will done us a couple just after we are married. I suppose we'll need to get it done again. We got our will done for free with our bank so I suppose it won't be free. I know there is Will Aid which is in November. Should I wait till then or just pay for our bank to redo it?
2. Life Assurance. We purchased our first house last year and have a mortgage. I have been delaying getting Life Assurance as it looks really complicated, but it is more important more than ever now. I think it will be best to go for Level Term Assurance as that will mean we can cover ourselves for bills as well as mortgage. Using Cavendish I found one that came with Critical Illness cover for free (I wasn't going to bother with CIC as it is overly complicated).
3. Income Protection? We're both self employed so I am not sure if Income Protection is worth doing. It looks really complicated. Has anyone got any tips on this one?

The other things that we'll have to think about is putting money aside for our child. We don't want them to have all the money automatically at 18 as you never know what they'll spend it on. Instead we'd prefer to put money aside for them and give them it for something we decide on. What should we do?

I know there is money and credits and things that government give out. How do I find out about what is available?

Are there any other things we should do?

Thanks a lot!

Ian

foreversomeday

Ooh what a great thread, I am due at the end of September as well so will be watching with interest!

Just a few thoughts I have had, which I am happy to elaborate on although I am sure there are other related threads.

1. Save while you are TTC, then use this money to help pay the bigger bills (mortgage etc) while you are on maternity leave.

2. Maternity pay Go on the https://www.direct.gov.uk website and make sure you understand the rules relating to maternity leave, maternity pay and what to do if you are self employed. Get this sorted as soon as you can and make sure you are getting the most money you are entitled to, especially if you are self-employed or work for more than one employer during your pregnancy as it is easy to miss out on the full amount. If you want to return to work find out about childcare vouchers.

3. Buy baby equipment at lower prices Find out when your NCT nearly new sales are, get there early and grab some bargains. Another fantastic thing to do is make a list of what baby stuff you want/need, and a list of preferred brands, as early as possible. See where you can get them cheapest at full price and bookmark the site or add it to your list. Watch ebay and other auction sites for those particular goods (search once a week or every few days) and if they don't come up before you are about 30 weeks pregnant, order them from the other source.

4. Benefits & grants Look at Martin's article on benefits, and check out the entitledto website - fill it out as though your baby has been born to get a rough idea of what you can claim once it is born. Then fill it out with your details as they are currently to see if you can claim anything before the baby is born. Or try phoning or visiting your local jobcentre for advice. If you earn less than 60,000 as a couple, you will be entitled to Child Tax Credits at the very least. The direct.gov.uk website is fantastic for this as well. Go to the family/having a baby section for a rundown of every related grant and payment available.

5. Children's savings accounts If you don't want your child to have access to their savings at 18, open the account in their name but keep hold of the book yourself, and explain to them that although the money is theirs, it was put there for spending on things like a house, university, or driving lessons, and they can't take money out without asking you first. If you bring them up to be good with money they will understand this! You can always open them a separate savings account when they are a bit older for any money they choose to save themselves from birthdays, jobs etc - or keep an account of what they have put in vs what family members have put in. Then saving doesn't seem so sensible and boring - they can save up themselves for spending money for a school trip, for example, while you feel safe that they aren't splurging gifts from well-meaning relatives.

6. Stock up on consumables If you are going to use disposable nappies and/or formula milk, stock up on them before the baby is born any time they are on offer. (Check use by dates obviously.) Even better - make moneysaving decisions like breastfeeding and using washable nappies.

7. Resist temptation! Remember, the moneysaving mantra applies when buying cute baby things as it does with anything else - ask yourself: do I need it, will I use it, can I solve this problem cheaper any other way? Do you need a baby bath, nappy stacker, moses basket? Justify the cost of something by dividing it by the amount of months' usage it will get. Try not to buy adorable outfits in newborn or 0-3 month sizes, buy them in bigger sizes instead as tiny babies really are more comfortable in plain clothes. (I am guilty of this. Hopefully I will see the error of my ways before I have another baby!) Relatives and friends will always be happy to donate the cute things like toys and clothes, too - you seem to accumulate these - so try very hard not to buy too many!

8. One or more? When buying equipment, consider whether you will have another baby. If you are likely to, then buy things new and don't buy the cheapest option, that way you will get better value for money as you can re-use it for another child. However, avoid things like cot beds, Group 0+1 car seats and high chairs which turn into a mini table and chair set, because when another child comes along and you need a car seat, cot or high chair for your baby, it will be being used by your toddler and you will have to shell out again for one or the other of them, meaning the item in question doesn't get the most out of its use.

If you're not likely to have another baby, buy cheaper options or get second hand equipment, and buy things which will grow with your baby as mentioned above, as they are often much better value than buying separate items.

Actually, I have compromised and have bought mostly second hand and cheaper things for this baby as although we plan on having more, I don't feel like I know what I'm looking to buy this time. We want to have more than 2, so by spending as little money as possible on baby #1, I feel that by the time we come to shop for baby #2 we will be more experienced and if we choose to spend more money, it will at least be spent on something we know is good.
---
Oh dear, I seem to have written an entire article! Hope that helps, anyway.

heather38

BaritoneUK wrote: »

1. Get our will done again. We got our will done us a couple just after we are married. I suppose we'll need to get it done again. We got our will done for free with our bank so I suppose it won't be free. I know there is Will Aid which is in November. Should I wait till then or just pay for our bank to redo it? when our dd was born we didn't have to pay to change our wills, we just wrote to the solicitor and added her name to the relevent bits and also who would look after her in the event of our deaths

1. Life Assurance. We purchased our first house last year and have a mortgage. I have been delaying getting Life Assurance as it looks really complicated, but it is more important more than ever now. I think it will be best to go for Level Term Assurance as that will mean we can cover ourselves for bills as well as mortgage. Using Cavendish I found one that came with Critical Illness cover for free (I wasn't going to bother with CIC as it is overly complicated).
2. Income Protection? We're both self employed so I am not sure if Income Protection is worth doing. It looks really complicated. Has anyone got any tips on this one? don't bother this is a pants product that had loads of exclusions

The other things that we'll have to think about is putting money aside for our child.
we put aside her child benefit every week in a savings account that is in mine and her name, is this an option for you?
We don't want them to have all the money automatically at 18 as you never know what they'll spend it on. Instead we'd prefer to put money aside for them and give them it for something we decide on. What should we do?
just put the £250 trust fund in one account and save elsewhere. you don't have to add anymore to a ctf account if you don't want

I know there is money and credits and things that government give out. How do I find out about what is available?

Are there any other things we should do?

Thanks a lot!

Ian

good luck, i'm due no 2 in october!

squidge60

congrats hope all goes well i would look at www.fool.co.uk for insurance money advice etc.hth

BaritoneUK

foreversomeday wrote: »

Ooh what a great thread, I am due at the end of September as well so will be watching with interest!

Just a few thoughts I have had, which I am happy to elaborate on although I am sure there are other related threads.

...

Oh dear, I seem to have written an entire article! Hope that helps, anyway.

Thanks so much for all your help. All very helpful stuff. I am trying to sort out our life assurance this week- I really do need to sort that one out. It's all horrible and scary!

I think we will go for reusable nappies, but perhaps not in the first week or two. My wife and I care passionately about the environment and I just couldn't add to the massive pile of disposable nappies that end up in landfills (not that I am judging people who use them- we all have to make our own decisions)

We're very blessed in that my sister-in-law is handing us lots of stuff down- but we do need to get a pram. Don't know where to start with that- but my wife seems to have some ideas.

One other thing- has anyone got any tips for dads? I just don't have a clue about how I can be there for my wife. I don't know how I'll cope seeing her in pain- but I really want to be there for her and be as helpful as I can.

BaritoneUK

heather38 wrote: »

good luck, i'm due no 2 in october!

Good luck to you too! We're due (or should I say my wife is) on 29th September. I do hope it doesn't come out on the 3rd October as that is my birthday- but I am sure I'll cope!

BaritoneUK

squidge60 wrote: »

congrats hope all goes well i would look at www.fool.co.uk for insurance money advice etc.hth

Thanks for that- looks interesting.

DigitalJedi

BaritoneUK wrote: »

Thanks so much for all your help. All very helpful stuff. I am trying to sort out our life assurance this week- I really do need to sort that one out. It's all horrible and scary!

Shouldn't be. It should be pretty straight forward. I did mine by filling in an online form from the Tesco's website! Took about 10 minutes.

BaritoneUK wrote: »

I think we will go for reusable nappies, but perhaps not in the first week or two. My wife and I care passionately about the environment and I just couldn't add to the massive pile of disposable nappies that end up in landfills (not that I am judging people who use them- we all have to make our own decisions)

Good luck with that!

BaritoneUK wrote: »

We're very blessed in that my sister-in-law is handing us lots of stuff down- but we do need to get a pram. Don't know where to start with that- but my wife seems to have some ideas.

Try eBay. Never bought one from there but I've heard some people have picked up a bargain. Just don't be tempted for one of those traditional prams which cost an absolute fortune but baby soon outgrows them and they are a nightmare to store.

BaritoneUK wrote: »

One other thing- has anyone got any tips for dads? I just don't have a clue about how I can be there for my wife. I don't know how I'll cope seeing her in pain- but I really want to be there for her and be as helpful as I can.

Best tip i got was that "Parenting is not about what you *should* do but is about what you can stand."

There will be times when you will be SO exhausted, so fed up and so tired that your principles, your ideals of how you were going to teach/discipline your child will go out of the window. Its fine and its normal! Don't sweat it!!

As for being there for your wife, just be there let her try to break your hand and accept that her swearing at you and blaming her pain all on you is normal! :rotfl:

Oh and apparently if she's nil by mouth then its NOT ok to ask the nurse for a cup of tea and toast! No-one told me that!!! In my defence I was hungry!!!

wes_cov

DigitalJedi wrote: »

Oh and apparently if she's nil by mouth then its NOT ok to ask the nurse for a cup of tea and toast! No-one told me that!!! In my defence I was hungry!!!

yeah asking if you can just pop to the shop for a pasty doesnt help either or arguing what to put on the TV 36 hour labour followed by c-section

r.mac_2

BaritoneUK wrote: »

One other thing- has anyone got any tips for dads? I just don't have a clue about how I can be there for my wife. I don't know how I'll cope seeing her in pain- but I really want to be there for her and be as helpful as I can.

I just wanted to say what a lovely man you are - so thoughtful!

I'm pregnant, though not as far on as your wife, but so far my husband has been amazing. He can see when I feel sick and down and he gives me a cuddle and reminds me how much he loves me - it's soooo helpful and reminds me how we got to where we are!

I've had terrible morning, noon and night sickness and so he's run around making sure that there's food in the house that I can manage with and holds my hair back when he can etc.

By being with your wife during labour (so long as that's what she wants) and encorouging her you'll be just perfect. Remind her you love her and the three of you will all be fine.

Once the baby is born, my friends with children all say that it's lovely to have a partner who encourages you to take half an hour to yourself - not to do the washing, but perhaps have a snooze, read a book or ahve a bath every one in a while.

I think you''ll make a great dad :T

DigitalJedi

wes_cov wrote: »

yeah asking if you can just pop to the shop for a pasty doesnt help either or arguing what to put on the TV 36 hour labour followed by c-section

rofl not just me then!

Oh and another tip. When they hook your wife up to the machine which records contractions, when the graph goes off the scales standing there saying "oh look there's another one!" is not being considerate. Apparently she already knows cos it smarts a little. :rotfl:

My mate got in trouble for complaining that he couldn't hear the match on the TV cos of all the noise!