How to get a Mum to listen...

sophie131

This is half rant, half a question so sorry! Right i'll start with a bit of background, i'm 17 and have a 16 year old brother. I live with my Mum and Dad. Things used to be really bad at home like arguments and the such then they just stopped about a year ago, but they're getting bad again. The problem as I see it is mostly my brother, but my Mum has a distinct lack of care over discipline (well in my eyes she does!!).
If i'd of done any of the things my brother is doing I would have been punished for it. Last week before one of my AS exams which my brother new I had he refused to come out the bathroom knowing it would make me late, everything I use is in that bathroom so really needed to get in, of course I was getting angry, nobody was helping me out so of course when he opened the door my immediate response was to hit his arm (not hard may I add!), but he went and took a picture off the wall and started hitting me with it (me being petite and him at 6ft!). I was left with huge bruises and a couple of cuts. Nothing was done.
He spends ALL day on the computer playing games only coming down for food, my Mum not care what this is doing to him. He was asked to mow the lawns yesterday so I offered to help him by moving the trampoline with him, he promptly screamed telling me he can do it by himself. Then 4 hours later when he realised my Mum might notice that he hadn't done it, he comes asking me to move it with him. I said 'I thought you could move it by yourself?' ( I would have still helped him though!) so he goes outside and drags it practically breaking one of the legs. When I asked him to help me move it back today he was really rude and 'smart' about it. Refusing to do it even after my Dad told him to di it several times.
If I do ANYTHING remotely bad I get told off sooo much.
Argh, he just makes me so angry how he gets away with everything. So is there anyway I can make my Mum see she's being unfair? Or am I being the unreasonable one?
Sorry for the rant!

Gingham_Ribbon

I'd be tempted to call the police on your brother if your mum won't do anything about you being attacked in your own home.

Staciep88

Have you shown your mum your bruises and cuts? Me and my brother was in a situation like this - and it got so bad that he stabbed me in the stomach with a wood chizzle! I am 19 now and he is 18 and we couldnt be closer! Tell your mum you've had enough and then just ignore him - he is 16 - he is bound to be a little sh*t! lol. *Hugs* xx

Stephb1986_2

I dont really get on well with my older brother im 21 nearly 22 and he's 24 nearly 25, last year we ended up coming to blows him more than me i got a black eye bust nose and loads of bruises up my arms, we was tempted to go to the police but we didnt because its family.

we just tend to keep away from eachother now. If i needed him for something then i would ask and if he needed me for something he would ask. other than that we dont really talk to eachother.

Just keep away from him and let him get on with it. boys will be boys and probably did it to !!!! you off.

Steph xxx

Oldernotwiser

Stephb1986 wrote: »

i got a black eye bust nose and loads of bruises up my arms, we was tempted to go to the police but we didnt because its family.

Unfortunately many domestic abusers assume that their victims will think this way; I hope his future wife won't come to regret your decision.

Alikay

Well, apart from the violence over the bathroom incident, which is obviously unacceptable, I can see some similarity to the relationship between my DD (19) and DS1 (17). A couple of years ago they also used to wind each other up and I hated being stuck in the middle. He would lash out, but she may have started it off with a sly nip or overly personal remark.

DD has always been "good": She studies hard, communicates well and is generally helpful and co-operative around the house. DS1 appears to be a problem in that he didn't especially like school, communicates if his life depends on it, has to be dragged out of his room and doesn't do housework unless itemised procedures are issued (ie undo poppers on duvet cover, hold cover by one corner, pull...etc etc!)

DD thinks he gets away with murder, because he doesn't do what she does. On the other hand, if anyone is upset in the house, he always lifts the mood with his clowning, he is never judgemental, has never ever asked for money, clothes or advised me what "everyone else" has or does, and any IT or techie problem in the house is always sorted out by him, whereas DD can be a drama queen and has the ability to create atmospheres you could cut with a knife! He has as many positive qualities as DD, but they are less easy to quantify. I love them both,well.... as much as you could love anyone, I'm just trying to suggest your brother could also have lots of good points!!

Their relationship is better now that they are older, and have started to see each other as individuals and build a relationship exclusive of DH and I. They secretly planned our 20th anniversary celebrations and both now have started to informally "mentor" their younger brother (poor sod....it's like he's got 4 parents!!).

I think things will get better between you and your bro, just try and see him as different to you rather than better or worse. And stropping over the bathroom will make any sibling take up residence in there for sheer comedic value!

Mips

Gingham_Ribbon wrote: »

I'd be tempted to call the police on your brother if your mum won't do anything about you being attacked in your own home.

I would be inclined to do the same - after warning your Mother that she is being neglectful in her duty to care for you!

That will put the Wind up her... and may make her thing twice about favouring your Brother!

TAG

Last week before one of my AS exams which my brother new I had he refused to come out the bathroom knowing it would make me late, everything I use is in that bathroom so really needed to get in, of course I was getting angry, nobody was helping me out so of course when he opened the door my immediate response was to hit his arm (not hard may I add!), but he went and took a picture off the wall and started hitting me with it (me being petite and him at 6ft!). I was left with huge bruises and a couple of cuts. Nothing was done.

So you hit first. Makes no difference whether or not it was hard. If you hadn't of done that then he wouldn't of whacked you back. Why didn't you just go into the bathroom and get on with what you had to do?

*Louise*

Gingham_Ribbon wrote: »

I'd be tempted to call the police on your brother if your mum won't do anything about you being attacked in your own home.

Totally agree with this.

Although the OP shouldn't have struck out first, that level of violent retaliation is unacceptable, and he needs a wake up call before he takes his temper out on someone else.

OP - I sympathise with you. The eldest child does seem to be treated stricter than younger siblings. If your mum isn't listening to you, write down what you are feeling. Sometimes it's easier to put your point across that way without being sidetracked or argued with.

Let us know how things go

(((hugs)))

Shambler

Dippychick wrote: »

I would be inclined to do the same - after warning your Mother that she is being neglectful in her duty to care for you!

That will put the Wind up her... and may make her thing twice about favouring your Brother!

Maybe she is scared of being on the end of the same type of treatment?

Is he only violent like this with the you sophie?

newbienortherner

I'm sorry if I sound a bit flippant but are people on here seriously suggesting this op calls the police over this! My sister and I used to rip chunks out of one another, my mum caught my sister trying to strangle me when I was 14 cause I called her fat! We are now in our late 20s and very good friends who would go to the ends of the Earth for one another.

If the op hit out first then I think that some sort of retalitation would have been expected, and from what I know of a lot of teenage lads is that they tend to be pretty unsubtle in their responses. (I'm not excusing the hitting her with a picture but it was provoked!) The police would say the same.

I think the issue here is when are the pair of them going to grow up? Running to Mummy looking for retribution at 16 and 17 is pretty immature, as is fighting over chores and bickering over the bathroom.

My response on how to solve it - pass those AS Levels with flying colours and go far away to university, there you will bicker with your flatmates about the bathroom instead (and hopefully get beyond the hitting them stage!) and after three years return to find that your 19 year old brother is a much easier human being to get along with.