Money trouble with bf's ex

dieselthebusdriver

Ok I have been with my partner now for nearly a year, we've moved in together.. Things are going lovely etc etc...

He has 2 kids by his ex partner and naturally, he pays her child support. However, this is not always good enough for her...

He discovered after he left that she had stolen nearly £7000 from a savings account he had with her for their children. He could not prove it because she put the money into a joint account with an unrelated friend and due to data protection etc my partner could not access it to prove she had half-inched it! - This is to give you an idea of the sort of woman she is. Never done a lick of work in her life, claims that her silly 14hrs a week is a "tiring job" and has pretty much everything paid for her by the state or my partner.

Anyway.. On to my question!.... My partner currently pays the Ex £150 per month in a direct debit to her account. (She didn't want anymore cos it will "muck with her benefits"). He did this because the CSA had wrongly calculated his earnings and were asking for £150 per week!! (He only gets about £250 a week... How are we supposed to pay rent and eat???).... Anyway, they made a civil agreement that he pays £150 into her account and subsequently told the CSA they were no logner needed...

My partner and I want to have a savings account together but at the moment he says he wants to wait until the CSA is properly abolished, not just the Goverment saying we are going to abolish it bla bla bla. His reasons are that should the Ex find out about this then she is likely to suddenly decide to involve the CSA again and becuase his name will be on the account then OUR money will be taken into consideration and basically she could end up getting my money. We also want a joint bank account but he says we can't yet for the same reasons because the account wil have his name on it then the CSA will count ALL money in it into his earnings and subsequently charge him more for maintenance regardless of who or where the money is coming from.

Is this right? Surely the CSA can't charge him more just because he has a joint account with someone who is in no way responsible for the maintenace of these children and is contributing to the account? And same with the savings? So just because *I* put money into it as well it will be counted towards his assets and she will be able to demand more??

This is really ticking me off cos she makes our lives Hell most of the time anyway with "No you cant see the kids" "yes you can" "They can only come over if your gf goes away whilst they are there"... "Oh alrighgt whatever they can come over.." and of course I have to pick up the pieces of his broken heart when he can't speak to/see his kids! Surely she can't do this?

CB1979_2

well why not get your own civil agreement set up (just in case)?

have a savings/current account in only your name and get him to pay into it.

easy enough

dieselthebusdriver

CB1979 wrote: »

well why not get your own civil agreement set up (just in case)?

have a savings/current account in only your name and get him to pay into it.

easy enough

We already have seperate accounts. We WANT a joint account. Getting him to pay money into an account in my name kidna defeats the object of a Joint account...

And Civil Agreement? Heh, No chance. She is a Witch. If she knew we were joining our finances she'd want a piece of it. Did I mention she is an evil vindictive Witch who uses the children as a way to gain more money? As if she isn't getting enough free meals as it is....

floss2

How old are the children? Does the ex claim working tax & child tax credits?

Do you or your OH have any money problems, present or past? Debts / CCJ's etc? The CSA should not have any right to access bank accounts - they are not even allowed to set up a direct debit for a maintenance payment, it has to be paid by standing order or over a counter to them.

If I understood correctly what you said, then https://secureonline.dwp.gov.uk/csa/v2/en/calculate-complete.asp should help to clarify your OH's situation.

CB1979_2

sorry i just meant an agreement between you and partner stating that the money in there was half his in case anything happens between you and you decided to try and keep it (not saying you would).

all i mean is the easiest thing is to get a single account, assumed you wanted a nice easy solution that would have NO CHANCE of his ex being able to get hands on the money.

loftus

The government may be getting rid of the CSA but they are replacing it with CMEC.
The CSA wouldn't touch the money in your joint savings and maintenance to your partners ex will not affect her benefit enititlement apart from IS - and if she was on IS then the CSA would have to be involved.

cazziebo

Hmm - at the risk of being flamed here I think I see another side to this coin! Putting access to the side for a second, your ex has these 2 children and they are a life time commitment. If he is only paying £75 towards the maintenance of each child he is getting off pretty lightly. Do you know how expensive children are? A lot more than that.

I take it the ex is also bringing up the children - therefore to do a part time job on top of this may well be pretty tiring! Unfortunately, kids of whatever age, don't do 9 - 5!

"He discovered after he left that she had stolen nearly £7000 from a savings account he had with her for their children" If this was a joint account then she is within her rights to access the money.

I think playing around with access is inexcusable, and serves no one any good. However, life as a single parent is tough. Her life is probably "hell" too. Is she surviving on benefits and £150 a month? Does your ex pay other bills for her too?

There is only one side of the story here, and a limited one at that. so apologies if I've got any of this wrong. I presume you knew he had children therefore you knew you were getting into a package deal. A lot of second partners come on here and complain about exes "whining" about money etc.

Walk a month in the shoes of a single parent and then complain about it. It's no picnic.

Hope you get it sorted so that everyone wins.

dieselthebusdriver

I have walked in the shoes of a single parent before my daughter was killed by a drunk driver.

She does not "survive" on benefits. She "earns" (and spends) more than we do put together. She does not "bring up" the children either. She keeps them in the house, never takes them out, doesn't really care what they do as long as they are not annoying her and sits on her !!!! all day. She only has custody of the children because she gets a free ride from the benefits system. My partner would happily sacrifice anything for his kids (and I knew this before we became seriously involved) and it breaks his heart seeing her being so lazy towards them when he would do absolutely anything for them. She uses visitation as a way of gaining more money. (Believe me, I've witnessed her do it! - She even stopped him talking to them on his birthday because a cheque was late in the post! Call me out fashioned, but that's just plain out of order.

What he pays her does affect her benefits as they constantly check her incomings because she has been suspected of benefit fraud before!

And the £7000 that she stole, yes it was in a joint account but for the CHILDREN. The balance used to be about 10 grand until she suddenly decided she wanted a new laptop amoungst other things.

If she'd done it for the sake of the children there might be some slight justification but there's only one way she pays for the HD TV, the flashy laptop, the Sky TV, the superfast broadband, the newest mobile phones every 3 months, 3 holidays on her own a year pushing the kids off to someone my partner does not even know.. And it's not from her benefits that's for sure!!

Mips

I am sorry to hear about your Daughter, that just doesn't bear thinking about.


Try not to let this Woman make you bitter, or stress you out - it really isn't worth it. Just bite your tongue for the sake of the children.

As for your money, she can't take it. Not on CS2.

dieselthebusdriver

In my ignorance of abreviations.... CS2?

floss2

dieselthebusdriver wrote: »

......She does not "survive" on benefits. She "earns" (and spends) more than we do put together........ She only has custody of the children because she gets a free ride from the benefits system. .......What he pays her does affect her benefits as they constantly check her incomings because she has been suspected of benefit fraud before.......

I have shortened your post as only parts of it a relevant to what I want to say:

Is she on benefits or does she have a part time job & tax credits? As it is a little confusing......

IF she is on benefits, then go through the CSA and be done with it, let them sort her out & let her cope with the reduction in her money. I understand that you do not want to hurt the children and that your OH would not see them, but she is already running your lives for you because you cannot do what you want i.e. having a joint account, having a nice home, maybe having another baby.

If she is working part-time and claiming tax credits, then her maintenance would not be an issue - UNLESS there is housing or council tax benefit being claimed. And if she is working then she is just as entitled as you or your OH to spend her money as she wishes. Maintenance is not just to be spent on the children, it is to help put a roof over their heads and food in their mouths - not to be seen as spent on new trainers or clothes.

And why should your partner have to know everyone in her life, whether she trusts them with her children or not? Does she know everyone in your life? I certainly didn't (and still don't) know my ex's new wife, same as he doesn't know my fiance.

Either way, I personally don't think that saying the sort of stuff you have posted about her is going to solve your problems, as basically you don't like her and begrudge her the maintenance your OH pays.

I just hope that she does not read MSE on "the flashy laptop" & does not work out who you are.