Money trouble with bf's ex

nottslass_2

sammy_kaye18 wrote: »

Anyway - no they shouldn't take into account your earnings. but i wouldn't get a joint account as they will see it as money with his name on so will think it Fair game to take it. I know they dont take into account my earnings with boyfriends as we are not married but i think if we were married it would be different

I may get shot down in flames for this.............

If the parent with residency meets a new partner and they subsequently setup home together, the new partners income is automatically taken into account when calculating any benefit entitlement. why should the rules be any different for the non resident parent when calculating maintenance ?

Anybody who begins a relationship with somebody who has children from a previous relationship should realize that they come as a package deal and sacrifices have to be made,be it financial or otherwise. The welfare of the children must always come first! !!

RadoJo

Why doesn't your OH see if he can get custody? You seem to be saying that the standard of living the children have with their mother is pretty dire, in which case I would have thought that your OH would be more concerned about their welfare than how much money he pays and whether he can have a joint bank account with you or not.

You said that 'She only has custody of the children because she gets a free ride from the benefits system.' which seems odd - I am pretty sure that custody is not awarded based on who is getting a 'free ride' from the benefits system - judges tend to be more canny than that - so I am wondering whether an official custody agreement has been reached or whether your OH has agreed to her having custody (as it says in your OP that he left her, it suggests that he didn't take his kids with him)?

I think you are probably letting your feelings towards her cloud your judgement of the facts - if you had the kids living with you, would you still insist that none of your money was spent on them? Would your OH give up work to look after them full time, or would he have to claim child benefit etc to make up the shortfall? I would be surprised if you could feed two kids on £150 a month and have much left over for other things like heat, light and water.

What would be your ideal situation? Is it just that you and your OH would have a joint bank account? I don't really see why that is such a big deal - some people get married etc and still maintain separate bank accounts, so I can't really see why you are letting this get to you so much?

miserly_mum

Why are ladies who are the second partner so nasty about the ex GF/wife?

My ex husbands Current partner is the same. She bad mouths me constantly despite never having met me. Calls me a money grabber yet I have never asked him or her for money in the 6 years they've been together, and he pays no maintainance either. (We have 5 children together)

She seems to dispise me simply for having "been there" first?

floss2

miserly_mum wrote: »

Why are ladies who are the second partner so nasty about the ex GF/wife?

My ex husbands Current partner is the same. She bad mouths me constantly despite never having met me. Calls me a money grabber yet I have never asked him or her for money in the 6 years they've been together, and he pays no maintainance either. (We have 5 children together)

She seems to dispise me simply for having "been there" first?

My ex's new wife is worried that I may "click my fingers" and apparently he'll come running back me - I have overheard her saying it to my best mate's husband! Goodness only knows why she married him then....maybe because her ex husband didn't click his fingers so she could go back....

(and by the way, no way, not if he was the only bloke left on God's earth!)

pinksleepybear

miserly_mum wrote: »

Why are ladies who are the second partner so nasty about the ex GF/wife?

I get on well with my partner's ex-wife. We all (me, partner, partner's ex-wife, her partner) work hard to maintain good relationships with each other, have meals together on kids' birthdays and other special occasions. We even all spend Christmas together. I wouldn't start a post here about it though - unless I had a problem and was asking for support, so you wouldn't see my point of view.

miserly_mum

pinksleepybear wrote: »

I get on well with my partner's ex-wife. We all (me, partner, partner's ex-wife, her partner) work hard to maintain good relationships with each other, have meals together on kids' birthdays and other special occasions. We even all spend Christmas together. I wouldn't start a post here about it though - unless I had a problem and was asking for support, so you wouldn't see my point of view.

Hi Pink, as you can see I didn't put ALL new partners. I think how you and your extended family deal with things is fantastic and is ideally how things should be

It was just reading a few of the comments on ex wives/GF's on this and a few other threads (added to my own experience as an ex wife) that prompted me to post that comment.

Deep down i'm a sensitive old sod and it seems my only "crime" as far as my ex Husbands new partner is concerned is having had him first.

If she met me and disliked me.....fair play, but she hasn't. We've spoke twice on the phone when ex wasn't answering his mobile) and i've been polite both times.

I'm in no way a threat to their relationship or their finances so why take every opportunity to badmouth me? I even did her the courtesy of divorcing him so what more does she want :rolleyes:

calleyw

dieselthebusdriver wrote: »

We also want a joint bank account but he says we can't yet for the same reasons because the account wil have his name on it then the CSA will count ALL money in it into his earnings and subsequently charge him more for maintenance regardless of who or where the money is coming from.

Is this right? Surely the CSA can't charge him more just because he has a joint account with someone who is in no way responsible for the maintenace of these children and is contributing to the account? And same with the savings? So just because *I* put money into it as well it will be counted towards his assets and she will be able to demand more??

You OH has no idea what he is talking about. They look at his pay slips and not his bank accounts. Unless they where going for a variation. e.g he is living a life style above what he claims to earn.

The CSA run two systems one is based on calculation and the other on % of his wage. If he is on the second on then they never ask for the partners pay info. If he is on the first system them can ask for the partners pay details but you don't have to give the info. They claim you could pay higher amount.

If he does not trust his ex why is he not going via the CSA at least he can prove the payments.

If she is on means tested benefit then she is not entitled to all the money that he pays. Which is why it is best to go via the csa.

Yours


Calley

floss2

calleyw wrote: »

You OH has no idea what he is talking about. They look at his pay slips and not his bank accounts. Unless they where going for a variation. e.g he is living a life style above what he claims to earn.

The CSA run two systems one is based on calculation and the other on % of his wage. If he is on the second on then they never ask for the partners pay info. If he is on the first system them can ask for the partners pay details but you don't have to give the info. They claim you could pay higher amount.

If he does not trust his ex why is he not going via the CSA at least he can prove the payments.

If she is on means tested benefit then she is not entitled to all the money that he pays. Which is why it is best to go via the csa.

Yours


Calley

Your reply supports the view that he maybe stalling a little & using the CSA as an excuse not to get too many ties with the OP...or am I being a little cynical? :rolleyes:

miserly_mum

floss2 wrote: »

Your reply supports the view that he maybe stalling a little & using the CSA as an excuse not to get too many ties with the OP...or am I being a little cynical? :rolleyes:

No I was thinking exactly along those lines.

Personally I wouldn't have considered a joint account with my Partner after knowing him so short a time (and he wouldn't have suggested it)

floss2

I've been with DF over 5 years, engaged & living together for almost 2 years, and we don't have a joint account - not even savings.