Told my IVA is to fail : My road and diary to bankruptcy

So_Sad_Angel

Rylynn,

I know this is a bad day for you but try try & see it as just that. That feeling you have today of bitterness & anger will pass & maybe tomorrow you will sit down & plan the route forward in terms of your employ.

You may need to speak to the benefits agency to see whether you will qualify for the DLA/housing benefit etc. As an ME sufferer your doctor will be able to offer support at well as the occ health Dr.Your work sounds llike it does cause you difficulties so its worth exploring the options .

You made me smile with the MUG & work quote...as someone who is now off with stress I have done up to 70 hours a week so far this year & when I`m off ill all I get is.`..well are you sure you are up to doing this job!!!`...my Line Manager is a t*sser anyway & when I go back I am standing for no nonsense!!!

Chin up...you`re doing great,

Angiex

Toon_Dave

Rylynn, im so sorry you are feeling so low today, sounds like you've had a rough day of it.

i just wanted to pass my support to you and your mum with all the crap your going through. i'm sure tm will be an all together better day.

Dave XxX

Rylynn

Oh Phil then you know my story very well, as it is the NHS, not a hospital but another arm of it, the HA... I sit every day and think why the hell and I putting up with this crapp, but I do not want to live on the state, I did that once when I could not work due to young children.

You have had it far worse than me mate, I have had the depression, and now the ME but with that have a vitamin deficiency.. not enough sun... have to take pills now for the rest of my life they reckon! been to every specialist imaginable to have a diagnosis as I am sure you did. The deficiency does my bones in, the pain is not nice, but it had improved, til the archive nonsense, well no the filing cabinet nonsense came first in January...

Bullying is not nice in any shape or form, and I have always tried to rise above it, I have intercepted emails from what was my line manager to who is my line manager now way back in 2006, and sat and cried at things being discussed.. one said.. well if she heats up you may get some reaction but could take a year or two.. the blood is cold! I knew then I was wanted rid of, how was I to know then that I would fall so ill with ME, and you know stress makes ME in most so much worse.

The only thing my Occ H doc knows that my GP does not is the bullying that has gone on, and sure as the brown stuff he will know on Tuesday.

I was so lucky to end up with my present doc, only after being so ill and the other one saying it was flu.. what a month of flu I think not.. I asked to see another doctor, he is brilliant and without him I wonder if I would even know it was ME.. or have had every test under the sun last year. So for that I count my blessings.

With BR looming Phil, I just need to keep saying BREATHE.. relax BREATHE the course I did for depression was and is now invaluable with all that is going on.

I so hope you have the last laugh ... the NHS of all bloody places.. and belive you me I know of so many others through my websites who are bullied in the NHS it is pants that is for sure.

I am a very strong minded person, but it has floored me, made me dubious, less confident, question myself over even simple things.. it just destroys the soul.. which none of us here need on top of the debt worries.. but we soldier on, as to give in, means they WIN... and no way jose.

So_Sad_Angel

Rylynn wrote: »

I am a very strong minded person, but it has floored me, made me dubious, less confident, question myself over even simple things.. it just destroys the soul.. which none of us here need on top of the debt worries.. but we soldier on, as to give in, means they WIN... and no way jose.

Rylynn,

Hold that thought...you are a stong person & an inspiration. Accept the other feelings but never, ever give in.

Thankyou for your post..it has made me realise that we should never have to apologise for being ill...& I for one have gained some insight into how others feel the same as I have since I have been ill.

Also...I can tell you are a secretary...gosh girl those posts are epic...wish I could type that quickly!!:T

Take care of you,

Angiex

Rylynn

Yep secretary now for erm.... how many years the lass who said to dad.. office me no never... ha ha dad up there in heaven.. oh it is 36 years.. my oh my how did that happen, I so wanted to be a teacher as well.. not to be.. :eek: maybe good, as 7 year olds now throw chairs at teachers:eek: can you imagine Miss calm here dealing with that...:eek: throw it back and saying CATCH... you little blighter! that would be me !;)

You know Ange, being ill is not something any of us wants or enjoys either, and NO way should we have to apologise for that, the man over the road who says he is ILL...on every benefit under the sun, then goes dig up all his grass, lays paving.. now him.. well I ask you.. another state dodger.. those I get cross about, but would never dob someone in either, not in my nature.

I will hold on to my dignity, pride, and most of all my morals, as without those I am cooked meat and dead.

Illness is not something we invent, well man over the road may, I dont want to be ILL, I want to dance in the moonlight, jump thru hoops, lift, run, kick a ball, play tennis... dig my garden..

WOW.. I can't.. so be it, I cannot anymore, if i even clean a window, hoover or iron a blouse.. hey ho.. no sleep bad pain, cry, scream, and coming to terms with that is hard enough, and I dont think I have, I am only 51 (brain says 21) not 91 and I am vexed Ange that someone came along and took it all away..

I was the surfer.. not internet.. on the sea, I played tennis, badminton, went to concerts to jive, clap and rock and roll... I wall papered, did all my own emulsioning of ceilings.. hell I tried to knock a nail in yesterday and the hammer felt like a TON weight. Illness for some may be in the mind, but those who are ill with ME or other things will tell you it hits your soul far harder than you mind.

This past 16 months has been hard and I so thought in 2005 when I entered the IVA I had it sussed, the debts were not all mine, but in my name, my pride said pay it back, little was I to know what the man UP there:A had in store for me illness wise.

The hardest part for me Ange is my mum, she is 73 does an 8 hour day, and I find that hard to live with, and then comes home here, irons, cooks, cleans, it is hard to swallow.. I hope my dad is not sitting up there saying you lazy cow Rylynn..

AND today will soon be here and I do hope I have pulled myself up by my boots and kicked my backside and will not feel this damn LOW

fredsnail

Things will get better Rylynn - all the hardest/best/memorable journeys all start with one step and only continue one step at a time.

Remember,

Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off the goal.

fs

Rylynn

Freds I never said I played football...take my eye off the goal.. heck I just let 3 in! and you never helped in defence... I will blame you now.. as all good goalies do.. only kidding at least I can still laugh. when they take that away, erm.. order the coffin my friend, til then, take the nails out I am not ready to PLAY dead yet.

fredsnail

So what position is dead on the football field these days?

Is the coffin where they send players when they've been sent off?

I really must brush up on my footie knowledge

Hell blame me - why not - I've broad shoulders and sharp pointy shoes

Rylynn

Dead on the footie field.. Ronaldo is the master.. of the art.

No the coffin is where they sent Chelseas manager.

Sharp pointy shoes.. hell are you witch in disguise she has those as well...

fredsnail

Rylynn wrote: »

Sharp pointy shoes.. hell are you witch in disguise she has those as well...

Never said I was wearing them