In tears...Im so angry

kizzykizzywizzy

I know exactly the feeling you are having, having checked my online banking the other day & my Hubby had wasted £84 in 3 days, not as huge an amount as your hubby spent, but at least it was on debt, my hubbys was on booze ( nights out with the lads & a few toiletries ( which obviously he needed )
I know I was shaking for hours afterwards & felt so upset, whilst I try & save & work really hard to look after the kids on my own & work part time for crap money, he'd wasted almost half a month of my wages, that I know I have to do so much for!!
I think you need to take responsibility for all the finances ( yes i know another thing to do! ) & just tell him you don't want any more surprises & had he come clean & told you straight away, it wouldn't have upset you so much, after all he didn't blow it on rubbish & really you are no worse off as the debt would've had to of been paid & it has probably save you some extra balliff charges. Try to take a positive from it, the debt has just moved to a card, where you are not being threatened by balliffs & will be able to pay off gradually ( I know interest will be charged, I suppose you've tried balance transfers ? )
Take care, I've gotten over it now, I'm sure you will too

marksandsparksgal

Hi Sugarpants,

I can only echo what everyone else has said already, but I just wanted to offer you a *virtual* hug.

x

SingleSue

I can see things from both sides here...

As others have said, maybe OH did it in desperation to stop the bailiffs coming to the door and upsetting not just yourself but the children too.

I can also see where you are coming from in being so upset...you have tried your hardest to get things paid off and now it seems that you have taken a step back but in reality, it isn't. OH has used the money to pay a debt which is a lot better than wasting it on silly items (like my ex OH used to).

Do what I do in situations like this....take a step back, take a deep breath and count to 10 (or 1000!). If this fails then go onto the next step, fill a sink full of water and bubbles, get old not needed plates (or plastic ones) and take your anger out on them. Very rare for anything to break and the ensuing bubbles and water everywhere certainly gives you a laugh!

My next step is even funnier but messier.... I get the clothes that need washing out of the laundry bin and throw them everywhere, the places a pair of knickers will end up boggles the mind!

Runnybabbit

Oh dear me, have to agree with all that's been said before. I was never taught the 'art' of good housekeeping either. Men in general are I think proud beasts, and I can see both sides of your predicament here. I sympathise with both of you, but please, please, don't chuck away a good relationship based on money, yes I know he fibbed, but he probably had, what he thought at the time, was your best interests at heart. Stay strong and GOOD LUCK.

rubydoiwannabee

Hi Sugarpants, this is the sort of thing my OH does and after twenty years of being together I understand that it is driven out of not wanting to upset me.
I wanted to ask you a question though.... do you control most of the finances? Was this your OH attempt at sorting out a problem without you? The reason I ask is...
In our relationship I control all the finances and in the past have been guilty of telling my OH what do you. Then a kind friend suggested that maybe I liked being in CONTROL and that I should give up some of my control to OH to see how he handles things. By doing this and talking things through together we now have a much better approach to things. When you have calmed down and the hurt is a little less you might see this as the catalyst to make positive changes.

I hope it works for you.

ps I have two children and they are looked after in afterschool clubs and nurserys and are both fine and happy.

xxxx
:>)

sugarpants_2

Well I went to bed after lunch and woke up at 4pm. By then DH was home my parents came round and have taken kids back to theirs till 8pm.

So gonna TRY and talk to DH soon.

Karmacat

Remember that you've got a lot of people on here who know how you feel, and who are also trying to let you know that the two of you aren't alone, and that a way through can be found. Hope its going okay.

jak

You poor thing. My dh is exactly the same. I am now resigned to the fact that I have to deal with the bills and he just gives me the money for them. I have all his cards and we have equal spending money. The rest we chuck at our debt. We only started having spends this month. £50 each! We both feel rich!!!!
Good luck. Take his cards off him. Set up internet banking an transfer his wages as soon as he gets paid. ~That's what I do now!
J

x

sugarpants_2

Thanks guys...

Love the post that told me to empty the laudry bin all over the place in frustration! Did that this morning and felt ten times better! haha

Did a weekly shop of £40 this morning so chuffed with myself. And doing a market research on WEdnesday when Ill get £55 for 2 hours of chatting So will be banking that.

Dh has just finished off a website (hes a website developer) and he shoud be getting a few pennies for that too

So will be paying off another CC with remaining cash at the end of week ..

Does annoy me as interst just builds up all the bloody time..

Oh, applied for loan with the Alliance & Leicester...should hear back soon...finges crossed

Thanks for all your lovely posts...This board is such a great help and a good shoulder to cry on

embarrassed_about_my_debt

Cant help on the debt side but my mum was a child minder for years then switched to being a nanny.

Be careful who you pick but as above when you find the "right" one you'll know. My mum had two kids for long periods and they are like little sisters to me and my mum is a big part of their life. Finding a decent child minder doesnt have to be a bad thing.

Just make sure you set out with them how YOU want YOUR children raised. It is something that often gets over looked, you and the child minder/nanny just need to be singing from the same page and everything can go smoothly.

HTH