In tears...Im so angry

Karmacat

sugarpants

I'm sorry you went through this. I think the advice you've been given, of including him in the debtbusting but keeping control yourself since you're the one on top of things at the moment, is the way to go. How are you feeling now?

OberonSH

Hey lady, I know you're miffed, but try to think of the positives

a) the TSB loan has now been sorted out, and you know it has now.
b) Your hubby didn't go off and spend £600 on....man-stuff.
c) He now knows how upset the whole situation has made you.

Take a breath, sit down with him and do the budget and the list of debt TOGETHER so he can see what's going on.

You're doing really well, so chin up. I'm in a similar position - living in a horrible little house in the ar3e end of the world, with 2 small children and it's exhausting. Get over to the freebie board, get a load of free spa stuff, chocs etc and have a night to yourself to recharge. Hubby has the kids, you get some space to sort your head out. Do you have a hobby that can help take your mind off things when they've gone to bed?

sugarpants_2

Thanks everyone.

Still fuming!

Duchy...May have to retrn to work full time (dread the thought). I have 2 small children though so it would cost more than just one Grrrrrrrrr

I dunno what to do??

duchy

Don't forget you may get a big chunk of childcare covered by Tax Credits Sugar Pants. That may make a big difference.
You don't have to decide what you are going to do right now. Do the research-work out the finances of each option -including double checking with tax credits what you'll get for each scenario. They'll happily number crunch it for you if you ring them.
Just take your time and don't rush into anything (and try not to murder OH in the meantime )

OberonSH

Depending on how old your kids are, 3 years pus get 12.5 hours free nursery now, then if you claim tax credits they can help out with the costs. Take a look at entitledto.co.uk (?) and see if there's any advice there.

fletch3163

Hi there

I'm so sorry you got into such a state, that's a shame. You are still fuming, of course you are. It's been a huge shock and you've not properly been able to "have it out" with DH yet.

I'm sure your husband wants to work hard at it but sometimes a bit of denial is heavenly. It's what gets most of us into this trouble but it's a heady feeling nonetheless.

Is the amount of money a few repayments or is it one? What happened to the money set aside for the repayments? Maybe it's a timely reminder to revisit your budget plans.

Either way I wish you a peaceful weekend. I'm sure once you're over the shock of it all and and your butterflies have died down, you'll be better placed to cope. Good luck

Debt_Free_Chick

sugarpants wrote: »

He knows Im upset. I had to put the phone down on him when he told me what hed done. I feel this weekend is gonna be a very looong one

It's perfectly understandable that you're upset, but a reaction like this is perhaps why he doesn't tell you - he knows you're going to react badly to it.

Perhaps try (and I know how difficult it is) to remain calm and understanding. He almost certainly thought he was doing the right thing to protect you from bailiffs turning up. He was stuck between a rock and a hard place, I think.

Be calm, tell him you understand why he did this. Remind him of your joint goals. Tell him how important it is that you stick together on this.

HTH

NUFCnutter

I dont want to act as devils advocate, usually I am a confirmed man hater, lol, but I can understand why he did it. I cant understand why he lied about paying the TSB loan, but how would you have felt if a baliff had turned up at your door and demanded money/items worth £600 from you and you hadn't known. Your hubby probably just panicked and used the card to save you from the baliff coming around.

What you need to do now is sit down with hubby, agree on no more lies, agree a battle plan to tackle the debts (including whether you should take on a full time job) and work together.

Hope it gets sorted hone

Voyager2002

Some good advice here, especially from Duchy at #10.

Once you have calmed down, remember that being useless at managing money does NOT mean that he is generally useless, nor any kind of bad person. However, you have proved that you have skills that he lacks, so you should take on the role of financial manager for your household.

Incisor

sugarpants wrote: »

Thanks everyone.

Still fuming!

Duchy...May have to retrn to work full time (dread the thought). I have 2 small children though so it would cost more than just one Grrrrrrrrr

I dunno what to do??

Really sorry to read what has happened here, and i can see that fuming is probably a mild description of how you feel.

You need to get him to be open about all of this and see if there is anything else lurking, and although you are quite justified in fuming, you need to be careful that you don't put him into the position of associating finance matters with you going off on one, because that will make him want to hide things.

Agree a time with him to look at it all, about a week ahead from now and spend your time till then in preparing not to give him a hard time. It seems that he does not understand the benefits of team work in sorting out finance.