In tears...Im so angry

sugarpants_2

Just checked our online banking and saw my husbands credit card (which we cleared 6 mths ago and made me so happy!) had £600 put onto it!

Well, I panicked as thought someone had been using it illegally. So phoned DH and he said he had to use it as bailiffs were gonna come round if we didnt pay our TSB loan off. He told me he had paid the loan payment ages ago..so he lied!! And he waited for me to find out through bloody statement onmline.

im so upset. We Are in over 15k of debt. Im applying for my 2nd part time job now as we have no other choice. I have 2 young children too and live in a !!!!!! rented house. I dont know how Im gonna do it as Im exhausted already.

On days like this I feel like chucking DH and claiming single parent benefits.:mad:

davetrousers

The path is seldom clear and straight I'm afraid.

Take a step back and be sure you are heading in the right direction. The odd blip can help you regain your focus.

sugarpants_2

Dave

im just soo upset. We worked so hard to clear that card off and no it was all for nothing.

We have soo much debt now its ridiculous. I really need to work full time to be honest but I hate the thought of putting my kids in childcare I always wanted to be there for my kids no matter what.

Thanks for post

davetrousers

I guess you have to talk to your OH and make sure you are both working towards the same goals.

Must feel like a bit of a body-blow though

sugarpants_2

Dave

Feels like im the only one who wants to get out of this hole.

im even the one who pays most of the bills as he used to always 'forget' leaving us with soo many charges.

He knows Im upset. I had to put the phone down on him when he told me what hed done. I feel this weekend is gonna be a very looong one

mymatebob

Sit down and take all and any credit cards off him

Cut them up.
Get him to write to the companies involved and cancel them.

This is what OH did to me - and it worked.

And we were in a lot more than £15k of debt - more than double that - amazing what limits people will give you on cards.

Trust is a terrible thing to destroy, money is only money.

doodledo_2

Sugarpants sorry to hear whats happened.

I definately think you need to speak to your OH about it and make sure you are both aiming for the same thing, i.e being debt free.

Maybe he didn't tell you as he knew you would be upset and although it may not be the right thing to do in his world he may of thought he was doing the best thing to protect you.

I can understand your anger though. I used to try and do all our finances on our own and my hubby never really knew the extent of our debt. When I told him he was very cross but he soon realised that he had helped get us to that point. Now he is on board 100% and everything is much easier.

Hope your day gets better.

davetrousers

How does OH seem to handle your situation?

Head in sand?

Badger_Lady

From the outside, it doesn't sound like your DH doesn't care - it sounds like he's struggling to accept and come to terms with the debt, and like he's perhaps ashamed and trying to hide / protect you from it (just not in a very practical or thought-through way!).

I would be absolutely livid as well in your shoes - what a shocker And it can feel like the whole world's against you because you're working your bum off without seeing any reward.

Perhaps it's worth opening the communication channels up again - he knows your angry so your point's been made, so now maybe you can talk about being more open and honest about your debts so that you can help each other through. Make it clear that you can only budget your way out of this by having all the facts in front of you.

And the biggest incentive of all - though it might seem miles away at the moment - when you do finally go debt-free it's the biggest relief in the world. I'm still singing for joy 6 months on, as are many other MSE success stories! You'll get there in the end, bird

duchy

I'm sorry-you must feel so angry and betrayed that he has lied to you.
Perhaps now is the time for you to take over the running on the finances so you don't get any more nasty shocks ?
As for childcare.....I felt the same -I'd have far rather have stayed home full time but decided that parents who weren't stressed out with debt was better for my son than a full time Mum who was climbing the walls with worry. I found excellent childcare and my son didn't suffer for it-Kids are more resilient than we give them credit for. I used childminders mainly and visited loads before I found the one that was right (nothing wrong with most of the others I saw but I waited for my gut feeling to say yes-not just my head).
You may actually be better with one full-time job than trying to juggle two part-time ones and it may pay better too. You can always go back to part-time once the situation improves-it doesn't have to be all or nothing.
Try listing all the advantages and disadvantages all the different situations before you decide-but in the meantime you need to have "the talk" with your man-and be tough. If you have to take all the cards off him and dole out pocket money until things are sorted -then so be it. If you don't have a SOA then write one and SHOW him what is left-maybe share it with us too in case we can see room for cuts too.
Have a BIG hug-and good luck

Keeping_Positive

(((hugs)))) Sugapants.

I would be fuming and sad as well. 1) he lied to you about previously clearing the loan and then 2) was selfish enough not to tell you. My Oh does similar things, these days I have had so split the finances.

When you get the chance sit down and discuss the plan of action so OH knows his role (usually best to spell it out to them!!) and ensure you both are happy with it and feel its acheivable.