Depression Support Thread

LadyMorticia

Hello.

Sorry I deserted you all so early last night. I was shattered.

It's so warm today. I'm sitting here with a cup of tea as my f.mum used to say that it cools you down quicker than cold drinks.

There is a big spider in the corner of my room and everytime I get the hoover out to hoover it up, it runs behind the wardrobe.lol.

Karl text me at 2:59am this morning! He woke me up after I had only just got to sleep but I didn't mind, seeing as it was him.

I've done the washing up and put the rubbish out. That's all I'm going to do today.lol. Too warm to do anything else.

I feel even more self conscious of my neighbour now Yesterday when I was seeing the neighbourhood warden out, I think she saw my scars. I forgot to put my jacket on when I answered the door to the warden so didn't have it on when I saw her out and my neighbour was outside. That's another reason for people to think I'm a freak.

Tiff_2

Hi guys!:hello:
Yes folks, it's Tunas-day!:j

And a sincere Tiffy to mrs.pepperpot. It's nice to hear from you again jinky hun - how are you? You're both more than welcome to post whenever you need to and I know the guys here will have looked after you.

With 2 or 3 days of the temps hitting 25 degrees here, and the same forecast for today, everything and everyone seems hot and grouchy - I include myself in that cat-egory! I've stayed in because us blondes fry quicker than everyone else. Never mind, they've forecast only 16 degrees here for tomorrow and 13 for Purrsday.:j Basically...I WANT SOME FROST! Having said that, I was going to do the laundry mountain today, just looked outside and there's a lovely sky of deep, grey clouds!

And having said that too, just a little reminder that some meds - including ads - take away our natural protection from the sun and you need to use sunblock guys. Ask your dr if you're not sure. If you are affected this way, you should wear the sunblock every day, even in winter. If this affects you, it may be worth asking your dr if you can have a supply given on a prescription because you're only needing it due to the meds that they've given you for a medical condition. I have mine on prescription. Just to add also, that factor 25 of something won't be any good - it has to be the good stuff like Uvi-stat, which doesn't leave you looking like a member of a forgotten Iron Age tribe. That one's not so hard to rub in and get absorbed. Plus it's cheaper in the long term if it's on prescription.

Another full day for the Tiffster - today is the start of the new Healthy Living group I'm down for. I'll give them 3 weeks tops before the staff are on meds too! Heh-heh.

So that just leaves me bidding you all a happy Tunasday (for those of you that haven't taken the HINT already!) and apologies for leaving you Tiffless yesterday. Safe journeys to all.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

Hi meyore!:hello:
How are you today hun? Thank you for the extra info sweetie. Sorry it's taken so long to reply hun - I hadn't forgotten my promise of a reply but I've had some stuff to deal with.
I have read ahead and this is a delicate one - and quite tricky to offer suggestions for.

meyore wrote:

She won't hurt us I know that, its just scary when shes like that. The anger thing is a rare emotion in my mum. The last time was about 8 years ago, so you can see how I find it hard to know what to do when it does happen. Shes always promised me no suicide, as her brother killed himself and she knows what it does to those left behind. I'm sure I can trust her on that.
I'm so pleased that you, your mum and sister are all safe angel. Thankfully, you say the anger is a rare event and it is much better to throw a few things around rather than hurt someone, if you have reached that point.
My sympathy to you and yours hun for what happened to your uncle. Not knowing the family set-up, it must have been devastating for her and the family and it wouldn't take a genius to guess that she probably feels anger and fear and terrible grief at what happened.

meyore wrote:

I'm 24, my sisters 18. A lot of its down to the fact my mum has no help from my sister, financially or otherwise so there is resentment there. She was so angry with my sister tonight, and kept saying all these years shes been a bad parent and is now reaping the rewards. She apologised to me, but I managed to make sure my sister didn't witness/hear anything that would upset her. I know shes not a child anymore, but its enough that I have to see my mum like that, my sister didn't need to too. She knows something is wrong and I explained she had to start acting like an adult, because mums ill and can't be expected to look after us anymore. My sisters seeing a doctor for depression too, so she doesn't need to think her own mother hates her. She doesn't hate her, obviously, but to my sister thats not how it would've sounded.

So you're the peace-keeper in all this atm. You've taken on an awful lot of responsibility hunnie - looking after mum and sis, who both have mental ill health issues, regardless of your own situation. We can't protect our loved ones for ever angel and although you're being a wonderful sister to her, it may not be the kindest thing for her in the long run. She has to see the very real and various problems that there are imho, but done compassionately. You are going to send yourself as loopy as I am hun,, if you try and second guess every thought and situation.

There's no real time limit on when a person is emotionally an adult. I don't know what sis' situation is re. work etc, but at 18 she's got to start getting some kind of grip hun, imho. And as much as you love her, ( and your mum), that means you've got to let go a little bit and let sis start to be the grown up she needs to be. As we all know, whether there's mental ill health or not, bills come thick and fast and need paying and if sis isn't well enough to work, then she might be entitled to benefits. Either way, she needs to contribute. It may be well worth popping over to martin's debt thread and grab a debt budget worksheet to go through, so that she can see what goes where and that it's not just mum being mean. If mum is worried about bills etc, it's not going to help her mental health either.

CAB can help with budget planning. If sis has money questions/independance issues or needs help getting organised finacially, her psych team/dr can refer her to various agencies that will help her learn how to budget etc.
For example, one organization is 'fch' and they have a scheme which helps people (under 18 and over) with mental ill health (and possibly learning difficulties, but I'm not sure on that exactly.) They also run their own housing projects, where they set the young person up with fch or other) housing and then visit to help them get set up and learn budgeting, bill-paying, cooking, shopping, benefits etc. they don't do it for the young person but with them. They have to follow rules and fch encourage them and lead them to becoming independant. Even if they don't offer housing, there are projcts like Supporting People or groups with floating support which will help sis while she is living at home.

These might be solutions for the sis situation. Always better to make it sound like an exciting prospect initially rather than an ultimatum. This way, mum's bills go down and her stress is relieved a little, sis joins the exciting world of being an adult -- but with support and you get to stop trying to save the world.Everyone could have a better quality of life and you and your fiance could get on with yours.

DS is now 18 & a bit and I'm having to educate him now financially - actually in everything, including how to do laundry and wake up! -ready for when he goes to the Conservatoire in London in September. It's a steep learning curve. Martin's teen budgeting and finance class is available for download in pdf or viewing on the weekly email newsletter and the homepage, there is a link to click. DS will be sellotaped to that for much of the summer if I have my way. It should become part of their final year of schooling at 16, imho.

I remember leaving school at 16 and knowing nothing. I landed a job in a factory on a YTS scheme (that lasted 3 weeks before I was climbing the walls.) and the pay was £25 per week. Who remembers YTS schemes?! Awww guys - I'm 43 - I can't be the only one that remembers them! And we walked 5 miles to school through 8 ft of snow with no shoes on!There was very high unemployment then and in those days, £25 was a fortune to a 16 year old. I resented the fact that I had to pay board, not knowing then that certain benefits stop (child benefits) and household bills like the Poll Tax (sorry for swearing!) went up. Sorry hun, I digress - ol' Tiffy was nearly off to her rocking chair there for a minute!
Your intentions are loving and protective and I think that's wonderful. You can't take on the role of protecting everyone and looking after them without it taking a toll on you angel - and that payment could be a long time coming. As a young lady of 24, I hope that there is some excitement and fun and exploration happening for you in your life and that it's not filled with just responsibilities. You deserve a life too, hun and that doesn't mean you love either of them any the less. You and your fiance have a life to live.

I had to admit to my boss at work today the problems I have at home so I could get time off for mums appointment tomorrow. She said no wonder I look so sad recently. I hate writing this, I'm sure I'm giving the (false) impression that my mum is horrible, but she isn't. Shes usually the most loving caring person you could wish to meet and would do anything to help anyone. Thats what makes this so hard I guess, seeing the difference

So with regards to sis seeing the family issues as they really are, and also enquiring about the possibility of something like 'fch', would it be possible for you to contact her mental health team? Of course, they're not going to necessarily be able to discuss sis with you, but they can be made aware of the issues that exist around sis.
I am so pleased your boss is so understanding angel - don't feel guilty! I'm sure no-one has a bad opinion of your mum hunnie - she's got her own mental health issues and regardless of that, everyone is entitled to a rant every now and then. Please don't worry about what other people may be thinking or not thinking sweetie.
I hope this helps a little meyore. I'm thinking of you angel. Be kind to yourself.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Horasio

Hi guys

Had a great day yesterday, weather was so warm but had an a/c car and our son drove us around.

The west side of the IOW is so lovely, like going back to a bygone age and so unspoilt. From Shanklin onwards, it was more like East Hampshire which is OK but compared to the Needles to Ventnor was far more average.

The south and west coastline is stunning and Godshill was so cute. The prices were good too, given it is an island. I would recommend the drive from Yarmouth to the Needles to Ventnor via Godshill to anyone, especially the Americans. The buildings are so old and well preserved, they don't have that over there. We went to a vineyard and got some fruit liqueurs, the wine was a bit dry. Yarmouth was OK but it is a port town and the pub landlord was a grumpy old sow, the women were good tho'.

We went down the pub and met some of our son's mates and went for a drink in a couple of venues and they came back to ours for a while.

Slept really well:)

Going to be another nice day today and our son is doing some jobs for us before he goes away to a pop festival for a few days.

Horasio

Re: Big Brother

I didn't see last night HL show but have it recorded.

I saw the knickergate and have had it on in the background.

Alex is an ignorant south Londoner and not a nice character. Sylvia was upset about her knickers being worn by someone she hardly knew whatever their condition. Mikey is a jolly character and pretty harmless tho'.

I can't stand Mario, he is such a fake. I have met those types before and they are liars and cheats. I would worry about being with a man like that, I imagine they run up huge debts to keep their image. He and Lisa are well suited, she seems pretty hard.

I'm not that bothered about BB this year tbh - too many annoying characters but will have it on when there is nothing else on.

Horasio

I must see Extraordinary Animals C5 7.30pm - the piano playing cat:D

Tiff_2

Hi gilly-brocky-badgie!:hello:
How are you angel?

I would hereby like to publicly confirm that gilly-badger is indeed a male - hence the ''brock'' (a male badger) part that I add in. I would be the first to jump if there was the slightest chance that gilly-badgie would post whilst having PMS!:eek: :eek: :eek:

And trust me peeps, our savvy badgie never goes MIA - he may go for a wander as badgers are wont to do, but our gilly's like a homing-badger.:D

gillette147 wrote: »

Oh and my plans involve the dutch v italiens playing footy and some cadbury's caramel.

Gilly!:eek: What plans for which team do you have for with your Cadbury's caramel?! Is it before or after the :footie: ?!:D
...Actually gilly - I might try that myself but with dairy free chocolate.:j :j :j :rolleyes:
Have a good day hunnie. Thinking of you.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

gillette147

I love you Tiff
xxx

jinky67

Tiff..thank you
just been having a real hard time lately

KentishLady

Well I have been lurking on this thread for a little while and everyone seems very supportive, so, I hope its ok to post.

I have been signed off work with depression since end of April. Basically I have probably been depressed constantly since sept/oct last year and only plucked up the courage to admit to the doctors in April - becaus it had got to the stage where I was unable to do my job any more.

I work full time in a customer service/complaints role and also care for my husband who has pearkinsonism. The parkinsonism and/or the medication for the parkinsonism have caused my husband to fall ill with a mood disorder where he flits between episodes of mania/hypomania (and all that entails including psyhchosis, flighs of fancy, delusions) and relatively normal periods although these he is still suffering from the flights of fancy and delusions - only he manages to ignore them.

The parkinsonism started when he was in his early twenties, he is now 40. The mental health issues started in 2001. We had some major crises the first two years and they were absolute hell. Looking back I don't know how I coped without having a breakdown myself.

We don't have children because we were waiting till we were financially stabkle as I would have either had to have ivf OR adopt. Adoption was my preferred route but then the mental health issues started and to be honest it has put paid to my hopes of having a family of our own. I can't see how a damgaed child could be placed with us because of DH. I have probably left it too late for the IVF.

This year my sister had her first baby in March and this has been so difficult for me. I was there for the birth and wouldnt have missed it for the world. But I feel so bad that I don't have a child of my own and I'm scared this will affect my relationship with my new beautiful nephew and my sister. I have already got nieces on my husbands family who we love to bits and see as often as we can, and my sister also has two older stepchildren who we get along really well with and I have things in common with both. We love them to bits to.

GP has prescribed some meds for me and I have got 5 counselling sessions through work - however I only have two more left and dont feel I have even scratched the surface.

Sorry for the long post - wasnt really looking for any advice as such just needed to put it all down in writing as it were.

Thanks for listening (if you got to the end without falling asleep!)

KL