Dead End

icanthandlewhativdone

Thank you all for your very kind words.

It is almost 5am and I can't sleep so am writing this, my brain is whirring. I spoke to my grandma tonight and showed her the letters that were in her name that I had been hiding. Turns out that she already knew because she had found one of the letters when she was putting some of my clothes away but she said she knew I would do the right thing eventually and tell her. I know I have broken her heart by doing what i have done but i hope that one day i can make it up to her. She says she has the money to pay the debt collectors and that I can pay her back by helping around the home. She also said that tomorrow I have to ring the job centre up and arrange to have my benefits paid into her bank account rather than my own. she is going to control my spending by just giving me pocket money. I feel kinda silly at 20 year old living off pocket mney but its better than being where i am now. Hopefully this will help me with the amount of alcohol etc i buy but i dont know yet im a bit scared that i will just try harder to get money in other ways.

i am sorry for depressing you all i just didnt know what to do. im sorry.

10past6

icanthandlewhativdone wrote: »

i am sorry for depressing you all i just didnt know what to do. im sorry.

Thanks for coming back and updating us, I'm pleased you've managed to jump the 1st hurdle with your nan, that must be some relief for you.

I doubt very much you're depressing anyone, members are here to help and offer any advice they can.

I think what you have to try and do is change your lifestyle round, difficult I know, but set yourself a target to see some improvement, say 4 weeks, keep a diary of how you are progressing, any difficulties, try and analize them to see what's creating the difficulty.

I wish you all the luck you deserve.

Continue to post as and when you feel up to it.

kizzykizzywizzy

Well done for owning up to your Grandma & what a wonderful Grandma you have:A
I hope you are feeling more positive now, most things can be overcome with a bit of support & hard work, both mental & physical. You've had a rough time in the past, don't let it spoil your future, you are so young, you have your whole life ahead of you - you go for it!!

MrsTinks

Welcome to DFW - sorry I missed your post yesterday.

It sounds like you have a diamond grandmother! Her suggestion of having your benefits paid to her and you getting pocket money sounds like a fantastic solution and one you'd probably have found would be suggested on here.
You have several issues that you need to address really, start by seeing your doctor and explain as much or as little as you think they need to know. You can ask for a female doctor if you think a woman would be easier to open up to.
Call the Samaritans - they are a great bunch of people and shouldn't be dismissed just because we associate them with out dated uniforms and brassbands at christmas.
Have you stopped the substance abuse now or is this still a problem? If it is, can you stop it yourself or do you need help? You need to give this a lot of thought!

The past is the past, try to focus on the future and move forwards - I think you might find it a great support to share all your thoughts with your nan -if you find you can't TELL her then maybe writing her letters and her replying with letters and agreeing to not discuss it by speaking would allow you to deal with this and her to offer you support I am sure she is desperate to give you.

Best of luck

jinky67

icanthandlewhativdone wrote: »

Thank you all for your very kind words.

It is almost 5am and I can't sleep so am writing this, my brain is whirring. I spoke to my grandma tonight and showed her the letters that were in her name that I had been hiding. Turns out that she already knew because she had found one of the letters when she was putting some of my clothes away but she said she knew I would do the right thing eventually and tell her. I know I have broken her heart by doing what i have done but i hope that one day i can make it up to her. She says she has the money to pay the debt collectors and that I can pay her back by helping around the home. She also said that tomorrow I have to ring the job centre up and arrange to have my benefits paid into her bank account rather than my own. she is going to control my spending by just giving me pocket money. I feel kinda silly at 20 year old living off pocket mney but its better than being where i am now. Hopefully this will help me with the amount of alcohol etc i buy but i dont know yet im a bit scared that i will just try harder to get money in other ways.

i am sorry for depressing you all i just didnt know what to do. im sorry.

You are not depressing us...we will help you as best we can.
I have had wonderful support on here from people:A
Keep talking to your Gran..and get yourself to the docs...If you can use here to vent your feelings rather than turning to drink....there is always someone to listen.
Take care and keep us updated
xx

SuzySu

That's what Grandmas are for.....often they are much more tolerant that our own parents and yours sounds wonderful. She obviously thinks highly of you too to say that she knew you would do the right thing and tell her eventually. That must have been really hard for you, but you did it.

Her suggestion, while it might make you feel a bit silly now, will help you out of your financial nightmare and give you time to take stock of your life without too much responsibility.

Check out this board and see if you feel up to posting your own SOA (Statement of Affairs). Even if you don't have much coming in or going out, it will get you in the habit of accounting for every penny and seeing where it all goes.

Good luck to you and your wonderful Grandma. Keep us posted - we all want to help.

poorandindenial

I missed your post yesterday but I just wanted to pop in and say hi, well doen for posting and that there is NOTHING depressing about someone realising that they have got a problem and that they want to sort it out. That takes a lot of courage and you should be proud of yourself for taking that step, you have made some mistakes but hey, who doesn't, it is all in how you deal with it from now on that matters, you can't change the past.

I wish you every success in tackling all of this and I agree with other posters that your gran sounds like a wonderful woman. Good luck.

HHH_2

You havent depressed us, sharing problems is a healthy way of facing them and dealing with them and that's what you are doing. Your Gran obviously has a lot of love for you isnt that great? Dont worry about the pocket money type thing as a way of managing your money ,even at my age I often think if someone would do that for me I wouldnt be in debt. How about the drugs and alcohol problems you mentioned, are you coping ok? what kinds of things are you interested in? you need something to brighten your life otherwise the drugs and alcohol seem an easy way to a temporay high and as you well know they dont give real happiness. good luck, keep us informed, you'll always get an answer on here and some excellent support.

Deep_In_Debt

Just wanted to pop in and say Hi. You've not depressed us. You've been so brave to open up and share your problems and this is the first start in getting things sorted. Your gran sounds great and I'm sure she will support you through your drug and alcohol problems. You'll be surprised at how much support you get. You'll get loads of support here too.

Good luck and do keep posting. Let us know how you are getting on or if you just want some support. There's always people here any time of day or night.

onedayiwill

So pleased you posted again. I read your thread yesterday and had nothing to add that hadn't already been written. I'm in the same position again today!

Anyway, you hit rock bottom yesterday and now you have opened up to us and your gran things are looking a little brighter. That is the way of the world. Sometimes we have to hit rock bottom before we are able to move on.

Hugs to you and your gran and keep posting on here