I Feel Ashamed

livingbeyond

I currently feel really down having had my LB moment. I have suddenly realised what the debts that I have allowed to accumulate could actually do to my family. In a way I think this feeling may be good for me as it will focus my attention further to reducing and eventually eliminating the debts we have, in another way I want to feel more positive that I am facing up to my situation.

I feel ashamed that my weakness has been keeping up with the Jones's, holidays, cars etc. I just hope I have given myself a big enough kick to sort this out once and for all. I am also angry with myself that I have let these debts become an accepted part of my life for so long. It just seems the norm now to be short at the end of the month and to always have a long list of payments to make.

Am I alone in feeling the way I do, or have others been in this position many times before?

claireabelle_2

:hello: hi livingbeyond
no, you're not alone... my debts are from excess spending, too, and I had an extra mini lightbulb moment the other day when I was driving behind a sports car and realised that I could have bought a brand new one of those with the amount of debt I've paid off since August last year :eek: , but no point beating myself up about it now... onwards and upwards and a budget for me from now on

Carry on being positive and discliplined and you'll be fine xx

Horace

I don't think you are alone, there are lot of folks out there who like to keep up with the Jones's of this world. The hardest thing really is not to fall into that trap, I once built up a massive debt on two credit cards (far more than I have now) and then suddenly I lost my job and I was left with just SSP to clear the debts, I did it but swore I wouldnt do the same thing again, only I have but to a lesser extent.

Sometimes I wish I had listened to my dear old grandma who always used this phrase "never a borrower or lender be". Hopefully my Amex card will be paid off soon - they are currently calculating the RPI that they insisted I have on my account that I have been paying since Jan 03 like a nincompoop:mad:

With the help and support of the guys and gals on here, you should be able to see some light at the end of the tunnel.

shadydaz

All the best with the quest mate..

kizzykizzywizzy

You are certainly not alone, I remember feeling ashamed & guilty, I got to the point where I was a month away from not being able to pay minimums, & before that I was juggling to pay everything, & some of the debt was as you say, keeping up with the Jones, thinking well they have it, so we should too.
Luckily I had my lightbulb moment before things got too bad & the only way we got out of it was cashing in an ISA, a lot of scrimping & Hubby getting a secondment for 18 months, which has meant he's been away from home A LOT, my children & myself & Hubby have all suffered because of this, & that makes me feel bad.
I wish I could say this was the first time we had got into this mess, but consolidation after consolidation loan & eventually adding 28k to the mortgage (before this £20K that we've just paid off properly ) didn't teach me anything as it was just too easy.
You will be fine, just keep plugging away at it

katyw

Hi Livingbeyond.

Please don't feel down about having your lightbulb moment, as this is the first step to becoming debt free. Everyone on here is lovely and very helpful, and we're all in the same boat......although sometimes it feels like we're paddling upstream.....but sheer determination is keeping me going, and the fact that everyone keeps you on track. I felt ashamed too but now I'm proud to be facing it head on. It's also quite addictive too!

x

doodledo_2

You are definately not alone.

My debts are from us living beyond our means and trying to have the latest things. I too feel guilty especially now we have a child and I think how it may effect her. Luckily she is young enough to not understand at the moment.

Be proud that you have had your lightbulb moment and that from now your debt will only be going down.

MrsTinks

I don't think you're alone in the least little bit Nearly all of us have been silly at one point or another and although £32k is a lot of money it's by no means the worst we have seen so don't beat yourself up too much. You need to be positive about repaying your debt, don't cut our treats altogether but do cut down on them or try to get free ones
Instead of an expensive dinner out what about dinner at home with candles and music, the TV turned off and a nice bottle of plonk from Mr T when on 1/2 price offer?
Some people find they do better when cutting back very hard, I found we struggled with that as although we have debts, they're not bad debts and although I could easily cut the food budget and entertainment budget but it's in our budget and we can afford it so I don't really want to (shhh I do secretly cut it a little every month but HE doesn't know that ).
I know the more we learn to budget now whilst we're in debt the more we can save when we're debt free (which hopefully won't be that long!) to put by for treats or just plain old age
You CAN do this so don't give up - if you haven't already then post an up to date SOA and let's see if we can help you out

Deep_In_Debt

Hi livingbeyond. You are not alone. I tried to keep up with the Jones's too and as a result got myself into a lot of debt. My lbm moment came and went many times but the lightbulb shone really brightly when I realised that my health was suffering as a result of my debts and started to take a lot of time off sick from work. I've been with my company nearly 12 years and up until about a year ago, only really had the odd day off sick but in the last year had a bad sickness record due to the stress of my debts and had a warning about my sickness. I've never even had a warning from any job in my life before so that was a BIG wake up call!

I used to find that there was always too much month at the end of the money but with the help of this forum I'm now managing my money better.

Please keep posting and we well all help and support as much as we can.

Deep_In_Debt

Nincompoop! That's a word I've not heard for a long time!!

whitewing

Perfectly normal to feel ashamed, guilty, angry, stupid etc etc. It was embarrassment about my lack of financial knowledge that stopped me asking for the help I needed. I spent about £20K on dibs and drabs after I sold my first house, and it disappeared so fast I didn't even notice. I still don't know what I spent it on.

It's still a painful process (after a year on this site) but the lows are a little less low each month now, and there's a glimmer of a brighter future out there. Take care, and in the long run it doesn't matter if it gets worse before it gets better, but it will get better if you keep at it.