I Feel Ashamed

Lorne

I agree with the posts above, you are definitely not alone. It is what you do now that will make a difference to your family, pick yourself up and turn things around. My saving graces have been the SOA and snowball calculator at whatsthecost.com.

Good luck, you can do this!

jak

The bl**dy Jones's! They are probably in loads of debt too! It is so hard paying stuff off but as Kixzzy says, if you do it the hard way, you are less likely to do it again because you'll remember the pain! Just stick at it! you CAN do it.
J
X

clearmydebts

livingbeyond wrote: »

I currently feel really down having had my LB moment. I have suddenly realised what the debts that I have allowed to accumulate could actually do to my family. In a way I think this feeling may be good for me as it will focus my attention further to reducing and eventually eliminating the debts we have, in another way I want to feel more positive that I am facing up to my situation.

I feel ashamed that my weakness has been keeping up with the Jones's, holidays, cars etc. I just hope I have given myself a big enough kick to sort this out once and for all. I am also angry with myself that I have let these debts become an accepted part of my life for so long. It just seems the norm now to be short at the end of the month and to always have a long list of payments to make.

Am I alone in feeling the way I do, or have others been in this position many times before?

Hi Livingbeyond,

Just wanted to say hi. You sound very like me. I am 23K in debt and most of it has been as a result of trying to keep up with the Joneses. My debt also has become a way of life for me - but not since my LBM last week. It is frustrating but try to keep positive because at least you are recognising the problem now and not in 2 years time when your debt could be even higher.

So good on you for admitting it and it's onwards and upwards now for you as you conquer your debt.

Bismarck

Well done for posting this...regretful is more my take on it...but I suppose shame is in the mix too. I'm focusing everything I've got on the way forward and am regularly shocked and beat myself up about things not being as I'd like them....BUT, hard lessons are learned and my children now appreciate the odd ice-cream whereas before it would have been quite the norm...

The other thing was I've been doing a bit of background reading recently and it wasn't just the Jones'...it seems a lot of people have got suckered into this quality of lifestyle thing and an expectation of how our lives should be and we've become shamefully wasteful like some great consuming machine....I'd better stop as this could go into a full-blown rant!

Anyway...your sentiment is part of the process and a step towards dealing with your situation...it will help you in the long run but it leaves a carp taste in your mouth!

mhe

Heres another one who can empathize with you - im in debt cos of living beyond my means and now when i need to move house cos my family is bursting out of this one i cant cos of my debt - that makes me feel ashamed and really annoyed at myself for being so stupid in the past. I agree with jak - the jonses are probably in debt too so maybe we should all stop trying to keep up!!!

beckseven

I feel ashamed of my debt and feel so annoyed with myself on having frittered a lot of it away on ridiculous things such as lunches at work instead of making my own, buying a magazine a day for many years and using my cc to boost my own self confidence eg having a spray tan, buying new clothes just to go to a wedding or a hen night. However, life's too short to feel regretful about the past-you can't change it but you can influence the future. You've had your LBM so it's time to change your way of living and cut up your cc etc and maybe ebay the stuff you bought to keep up with the Jones. People on this forum are so supportive and helpful that you will soon be on the path to paying it off. Good luck!

livingbeyond

A really big thank you to all who replied to this today and yesterday. I feel more positive about the situation today, and realise that I have made the 1st step on what I am sure will be a long, hard, but eventually rewarding journey.

Today for the 1st time for many years, I have said no. I was asked if I was going to join some friends on a weekend away in London. We have done this several times in the past, and it always ends up costing far more than any of us can really afford. Last time it cost me £385 for 2 nights in a hotel (we stayed in a Suite, just to keep up with the Jones's), £90 rail fare, and at least £150 on food and drink. In a way, I feel sad that I will be missing out, but another, obviously newer part of me feels empowered by the decision I have made. I would have easily been spending £600 on a weekend, now, I know I havn't made my debts worse by the £600.

Hippychick

livingbeyond wrote: »

Today for the 1st time for many years, I have said no. I was asked if I was going to join some friends on a weekend away in London. We have done this several times in the past, and it always ends up costing far more than any of us can really afford. Last time it cost me £385 for 2 nights in a hotel (we stayed in a Suite, just to keep up with the Jones's), £90 rail fare, and at least £150 on food and drink. In a way, I feel sad that I will be missing out, but another, obviously newer part of me feels empowered by the decision I have made. I would have easily been spending £600 on a weekend, now, I know I havn't made my debts worse by the £600.

Well done, it is very hard, I bet secretly your mates will probably whack some of the costs of this weekend on the plastic too, at least you have had your LBM.

I find the best motivation is planning what I will do with the spare cash once my debts are gone (:D savings)

Definitely use whatsthecost.com and work out a debt free date, then put all your energy into bringing that forward, so far since my LBM mine has jumped forward an entire year. You can do it!

mhe

well done on saying no - like hippychick said you need to think about what you are going to do when you reach your debtfreedate - whats your aim for all this saying no. I have a picture of a house i really like on the inside of a cupboard door to spur me on!!

My friend lives quite a frugal life - no pub lunches out, doesnt buy herself many clothes/shoes/hanbags , doesnt go out with her family at the weekend to nowhere in particular, etc etc. I did these things often supported by my CC and used to think she was a bit daft not to (doesnt sound very nice saying it like that but we are very very good friends) Anyhow she has just moved into what she calls her dream home thanks to all the years of living what id now refer to as sensibly as opposed to sad. I think its this that has made me feel even more regretful about my debts. The point is i bet most of your mates are using CC cards to finance those weekends away and may think youre daft for not going but remember one day ..................