How to help an overeating partner?

RebekahR

Hello Everyone,

My partner is an overeater. I have tried everything from exercising with him, to hiding his food but still he will eat. Tonight I caught him secretly eating crisps in the office and quickly hid the pack under the desk when I came it. It wasn't the standard sizes either it was a super size and this was after eating a big cooked meal.
I have a codependency personality any way from home life and a previous relationship.
And I need to keep myself out of this to stop myself from going down this road again. As I have just picked up on the strong signals to try to help as much as I can. I know there is nothing I can physically do.

So has anyone been through this personally who can offer any advice? What is the best thing I can do to "help" and more importantly support him.

Thanks all in advance.

CelticStar

Hi RebekahR

So sorry to hear of your worries about your partner. I don't have a lot of practical advice to offer as this isn't something that I've had to deal with in my life, but perhaps you might find a forum dedicated to this kind of problem quite helpful - you will be able to speak to others experiencing similar problems and it might make you feel less alone at least.

A quick search brought up this forum:

http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/

I really wish you and your partner well and hope that you are able to get through this together. That's not to say that I think you should stay with him regardless, only you can decide what is best for you.

Take care & good luck.
CelticStar

MRSTITTLEMOUSE

I have a husband like this,even after nearly 40 years I can't convince him he does'nt need that extra chocolate biscuit or bag of crisps.He has been given every lecture under the sun,I've brought in pamphlets on health and weight problems did everything possible but I can't change him either.
I'm the same size as when we first met and always have been and we eat very healthily but like your partner he always seems to need a couple of chocolate biscuits and a bag of crisps or bar of chocolate after his meal,just to finish off.
I'd be interested as well if anyone has any ideas.Thanks.

DigitalJedi

I think all you can really do is not buy the stuff in the first place to minimise temptation. If he buys the stuff himself there is little you can do.

After all, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. He has to truly WANT to change.

pinkshoes

I think you need to look at WHY he's over eating rather than trying to get him just to stop or exercise more.

Most people over-eat due to stress, unhappiness, worry or boredom, so do any of those apply to him?? Does he like his job? Feels he's stuck in a rut or something? Stressed about money or something?

One thing to try would be to keep busy, and have some sort of evening routine i.e. get him to cook dinner, or do the ironing, clean the bathroom etc...

whitewing

I assume your husband is overweight? I only ask as my OH is perfectly capable of eating crisps/biscuits after a meal and it drives me nuts. But he is well within normal weight range.

I on the other hand will eat whatever is in front of me, if it's food I like. I remember reading a book called 'Potatoes not prozac' and that kind of summed up my attitude to food, ie if there was a plate of home cooked cookies on the table, would you eat the lot even if you weren't hungry? (I would, OH didn't understand that. I don't understand how he couldn't want to).

No easy answers at the moment. I am desperately ashamed of my attitude to food. But if OH tells me at the tea table to cut my portions down, I do feel very hurt as if he is depriving me. If however, he served up the portions smaller in the first place I would be fine with it.

The other point is exercise. Even with portion control, he won't lose weight without exercise if he's like me. Maybe encourage him to do more and that will suppress his appetite.

alba37

Hi RebekahR. I've had a similar problem myself in the past and tbh there is little anyone could have done to help me. The most anyone could have done is as DigitalJedi said and only buy necessities for the house, and throw away any left overs. That wouldn't have stopped me but it would certainly limit what I ate at home, if it's not there you can't eat it.

Depending on the extent of his eating and weight, it may be wise to see a doctor.

I eventually stopped myself, but it took a long time. You have to break the habit, which isn't easy with a psychological compulsion to eat! (in my case)

Good luck.

[Deleted User]

I needed really good motivation to loose weight - my forthcoming wedding.

I love food, really love it. I'm very happy and content, so I can't blame any feelings of depression. I just like all kinds of good food. I don't snack much, but I like big portions at dinner time. However, i've now lost 1 1/2 stone (combo of weight watchers and slimfast), feel a lot better for it- my clothes all fit better, I look better and I feel less sluggish.

What motivation does your OH have to loose weight? What motivation can you give him?

RebekahR

Thank you everyone. He never has eaten well and I think it stems from home life. His mother when she visits is always bring him food to eat. And when we go there she makes us eat stuff all the time. Although I can and do say no he doesn't. I like crisps and chocolate myself - who doesn't ;-) But I hide mine the back of the wardrobe. If there is none of that in the wardrobe then he will go and have a bowl of frosties or a whole jar of Nuttella chocolate spread to himself. He buys the stuff most of the time.
Thank you for the forum link I will defiantely look there later. I will definately stay with him. I am stronger than I used to be and he is not horrendously at it. It does not affect our main relationship which is very strong :-)
Yes he says that crisps are no different to a peice of cake or iceream that you would have for pudding after a meal. Not sure if its bordom? He comes home and has crumpets and cup of tea or something similar as im cooking tea. That makes me angry why cant he wait 20 mins for the meal ... then he has to have crisps and/or cake etc after wards. He is back and forth to the vending machine at work. Has pizza or cheese and ham bagette or anything else that is cheese based at work. I have put on 2 stone so I am not perfect myself and need to loose a little weight too but that is mainly due to not being active. Anything I do buy I hide in the wardrobe for myself (some of it has been there for months!) and he buys the stuff himself. I tend to work evenings so I am not normally always home to see the distruction he is doing to himself but I know it happens. I said I would make smaller portions for us and use the smaller plates as him mother brought us huge plates. But he said he would just go and eat something else after to make up for it. I said that is fine it's your body not mine. And he said exactly so leave me alone. I really don't know what the root of it is. We are happy together, he loves his job and has great friends there. He tends to spend all night on the computer so I guess the 2 go hand in hand somewhat. I was going to get him us to both go to badminton once a week as we used to before. So that would fill up one evening. And we have an exercise bike so get back on it myself. Not sure if leading by example would help? He does cook dinner when i'm working sometimes. No chance of getting him to do any housework! I left his bin in the office 3 months before he eventually emptied it himself. Yes he is obese at 19 stone. He should be nearer 14 for his height of 6ft 2. No chance of getting him to the doctors. He has another condition he should go for but just says yea I should do but never goes. He shouts at me if I say I would make an appointment for him. Says he will do it himself. I really don't know what real motivation I can give him to be honest. I really don't ...

whitewing

Strangely enough, I am becoming more healthier since OH and I decided that we would overpay on our mortgage, and now also trying to sort out our wedding without too much dipping into savings. We don't buy crisps/puddings now on a regular basis. But we do really enjoy them on an occasional basis as a treat.

Maybe if you worked together to a joint financial goal that's a little bit challenging?? Sounds like he is stuck in a rut and feeling a bit worthless? How does he feel about you working evenings? Maybe he misses you or feels that he should be the breadwinner and you shouldn't have to work? I'm not saying that the weight isn't an issue, but maybe it's not the main issue?

(I can't talk really, not even motivated by the wedding or the fact that we're trying for a baby to seriously attempt to lose weight. I can see tiny amounts adding together to overpay my mortgage and can be motivated by that. But can't apply the same 'every little bit helps' to weight loss attempts).

You obviously love him very much.

VK-2008

me and my oh were both overeating we'ed eat portions that would do 4 between 2 of us we both went up 2 dress sizes

we then were brutal with each other and just said we need to work together

we cut bk but still ate some of the "junk" food

all comes down to proportions everything is ok little and often

even going romatic walks or some bedroom time shoudl help generally men go for that