Where to go for parenting support/help

onlyroz

Agreed with tilly's_mum - food allergies can result in agressive behaviour. Common ones are sugar, wheat-products and dairy products.

My brother used to go loopy after eating too much sugar. A friend of the family had a son allergic to cows milk, and he would become violent. I have a school friend who went mad with chocolate or orange juice.

The difficulty is tracking it down, but you could try excluding certain foods from his diet in a systematic way, to see if it makes a difference.

Savvy_Sue

Excluding major food groups from a child's diet shouldn't be done without proper advice from a dietitian - see if you can get a referral for that any faster! By all means keep a food diary and see if you can spot triggers, but it's not an easy thing to do.

definitely talk to your Health Visitor and stress that you need support now.

If HomeStart doesn't operate in your area, are there any colleges offering childcare in your area? They often want placements for their students, and even at this stage of the year your HV might be able to refer you for one.

Other suggestions: Parentline, and ask them and your HV about any parenting classes in your area.

ailuro2

astonsmummy wrote: »

none of us are mother of the year,

I think many on here are mothers of the year, even more so the ones who are trying as hard as npsmamma...It is the fight for what is best for our kids that makes it so difficult sometimes, and still we keep on going..
Sorry there are no trophy emoticons, you deserve one,npsmamma.:A

npsmamma, you're having such a difficult time, it's hard enough work as it is looking after two small children, but you do obviously think there's something amiss with your DS1. While I agree with other posters about not excluding food groups, I do think it's worth your while trying to reduce additives in your son's food, and also try out a routine where you do the same thing at the same time every day. Write out a timetable, and let him know that 8-830 is breakfast time, 9-930 is playtime, 930-1030 is his choice of DVD (lets you have time with little one) and so on. I knwo it's difficult with a 6 month old, but try to do the same thing every day at the same time, and see if it helps. I say this because I know a mother whose child has Aperger's and the child really appreciates familiarity and routine. I don't know if it will work, but I do know it won't do any harm to try it while you wait for a referral. Keep a diary too, if you can, detailing what you did, food etc, and how his behaviour was. You might spot something?

Include an hour most days going out for a walk to the park - it is important for you to get out and about too, it will help combat your PND. I know because I've been there and done that, and it is a terribly dark place to be, but getting showered,dressed and out for a walk really does help, even though it's tough going actually showering and dressing most days! People might jump on me for the 'pull yourself together' aspect of this, but that's not the way I mean it, I just know that it helped me a lot when I was underneath that particular cloud.

Finally - enlist the help of your OH to take DS1 solely for an hour every day. Whether it's doing the bedtime routine, or playing with him in his room, it would give you a breather.

Best wishes, I hope you find something here to help you and your family, because sometimes we all need a bit extra help, and none of us should be scared to ask for it..

cobbingstones

I just wanted to send big hugs to you (((( ))))

You are doing fantastic job and please don't forget that! Looking after two young children is very hard work for anyone, but the fact that your son needs extra help makes it all the more demanding for you.

Thinking of you

MM

RoxieW

Hi there - just wanted to add my support . Why would anyone think this was your fault??

I've been in your shoes with 2 children close together and postnatal depression. I know it can be very difficult - you must be exhausted.

He may have a medical problem - or he may just be a 'difficult' child. The arrival of a sibling can often make these situations worse.
My tips for what they're worth would be to make him feel valued by spending quality time with him each day. Make it a big deal - his 'special time'. But also have clear punishments for bad behaviour - do you use the naughty step? If nothing else it gives you a few minutes to calm down.
Re the postnatal depression - do try to get out of the house everhy day - to the park or even just in the garden. Also, try to have so time to yourself every day/evening. Even if it's while they are both sleeping - have an hour to relax in a bath, have a glass of wine or a cup of tea, read a magazine. Generally be kind to yourself - treat yourself to a hair cut or lovely new moisturiser.
Also - perhaps try a mum and toddler group - which DS under strict instructions that if he 'attacks' another child it'll be straight home and no lovely playtime/biscuit whatever he'd look forward to most at a playgroup. I found mine always played better at playgroups as there were new and exciting toys to look at. Also take the opportunity to make new friends.
When I had postnatal depression playgroups kept me going - I went to every one in our area! But it allowed the kids to let off some steam and me to have break and a cuppa.
Good luck

npsmama

Every morning it takes a Herculian effort to get myself dressed but I do manage it bc I don't want my boys having a slob as a mum.
I cook most things from scratch but perhaps I should try keeping a diary of food and behaviour.
Play groups are just terrible for DS so I gave up going long ago. We do go out every day though as I am a firm beleiver in fresh air and exercise. I also find playgroups hard bc there are always at least some kids that are little angels there and it just makes me feel worse. I usually come out in tears.

I've wondered about trying a strict routine but I'm worried it will add pressure on to me - especially if DS doesn't do things when expected to (very likely) - then i'll feel like an even bigger failure.

npsmama

OK, I've decided to try the Routine method...

yoni_one

((npsmama))

You are so isolated it is little wonder you are struggling with the demands of your babies, especially when one of them has challenging behaviour and you are dealing with postnatal depression. My goodness the fact that you do manage to get dressed and go out each day is worth applauding, many people who have less to cope with than you sometimes can't make it so far as to even brush their teeth of a morning, so as bad as things feel for you please never forget to credit your achievements.

It is clear you need to access support and online websites set up specifically for mums is often a good starting point, the link below should take you directly to the post-natal page of netmums.com and from there someone should be able to signpost you to something more local and practical.

http://www.netmums.com/h/n/PND/HOME/ALL///

Do you get much help from your other half? If not maybe you could ask him to help out more.

Best of luck in finding the help you need and please don't ever feel ashamed to ask for help, doing so is not a show of weakness but rather a sign of your strength and committment as a loving mum.