Where to go for parenting support/help

npsmama

I'm really struggling with my 2 babies.
Does anyone know where I can go for practical help/support?

Homestart doesn't work in my area.

thanks

izoomzoom

Is there not a surestart in a neighbouring area ????

Speak to your HA, she might be able to help you with solutions or at least push you in the right direction.

If you want to explain further, I am sure many of us on here could offer you practical help too

astonsmummy

I second Surestart (if there is one near) and your HV definately.
Just remeber you are not alone, and as izoomzoom says, there are lots of friendly people on this site who do a cracking job at making you feel better, with lots of helpful advice xx

RoxieW

Hi there - please do elaborate as a problem shared is a problem halved and we may be able to give practical/anecdotal advice.
I suffered postnatal depression with both mine and looking back i had some very dark days. If you feel this may apply to you then do see your GP - and if they're not sympathetic try another until they listen.
Do you have a partner to support you? How old are your children? Are they twins - if so their are twin organisations (TAMBA??) who may be able to help.
Hugs.

npsmama

I'm very hesistant to elaborate as I'm worried I'll be told it's all my fault but here goes more details:

I have 2 boys: one 2.5 yo and one 6mo old baby.

My 2.5yo has always been a handful. Screamed his head of from the moment he came out virtually non-stop until he was 10mo. Calmed down a bit until 13mo. Started again. Went through a few more episodes of calmness but mostly has been a real handful - although up to now he has been cheerful with it. We took him to see drs/have allergy testing several times when he was a baby with the answer always being: 'don't know, he's probably teething'

he now is aggressive, clingy and obviously unhappy.
Probably related to his brother's arrival and our house move which happened at the same time (not by choice I hasten to add)

I had bad post natal depression the first time round and now have it even worse. I am being treated for it but we don't think the medication is helping so I'm due to change it soon.

We have no relatives nearby to help and anyway yesterday my ILs declared that my 2.5yo wasn't allowed to go to his cousin's birthday party bc in their words 'he would be disruptive and ruin it for the other children' - so that's the support I get from them.
Other people have told me to contact social services; that he should be tested for autism; that he is a threat to my younger baby (this was said to me when I was 39wks pregnant).

I have tried nursery, toddler groups (= nightmare) and am having DS assessed by a psychiatrist to see if there is something wrong with him or if he's just on the higher end of normal toddler behaviour.

Problems with DS include:
- hitting, kicking
- whining
- tantrums that last 1hr
- generally being hyper

As for me, I feel that I am his personal entertainment system, his maid, his cook, his personal shopper...basically I feel like a crap mum and I feel trapped and I can't see a way out..

astonsmummy

I'm sorry I really dont have much advise to offer, but dont worry there will be lots more people who will be able to help.
I just wanted to say, that it is not your fault, and dont ever think that, none of us are mother of the year, and tbh I think you have done a great job so far, it must be so tiring for you.
Hopefully when he gwts assessed, you will get some more help, even if he's not diagnosed with anything.
I hope you get things sorted :A

npsmama

Thanks
Just wanted to add that the GP said it could be MONTHS before I get an appointment to get him assessed.
I just can't hang on that long. I need help now.

rls1973

http://www.cry-sis.org.uk/

http://www.google.co.uk/search?sourceid=navclient&hl=en-GB&ie=UTF-8&&q=help+with+crying+babies

www.mumsnet.com
(look in the Talk section, especially helpful 'parenting', 'special needs', 'relationships')


http://www.nas.org.uk/

http://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&q=waiting+for+a+diagnosis&btnG=Search&meta=

http://www.google.co.uk/search?sourceid=navclient&hl=en-GB&ie=UTF-8&&q=postnatal+depression



hope you can find something useful among the above.
in the meantime, i think the bit about the behaviour worsening with new baby arriving and mum being personal entertainment system is probably normal (even though it doesnt feel it!) there is a way out from that, and it's called time
it is not your fault

the people around you dont sound very supportive tbh

regarding waiting for an appointment, i have been through that, and learnt that the wheel that squeaks the loudest gets the oil, i.e. keep onto them

i have been through waiting for a diagnosis and not knowing what's going on etc., i would be happy to pm you if you wish :A

jay11_2

Hi npsmama, poor you--what a difficult situation, of course it's not your fault, difficulties with kids, and life, happens, I'm sure most people here feel nothing but sympathy for you, plus admiration that you've coped so far.

As far as autism goes, try the asperger/ASD support thread here: http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=604164 for info/advice. Even if this isn't the problem, you might get some useful tips/ideas about managing behaviour and coping strategies.

Your IL's need a good shake, what a rotten attitude!

Is there anyone who can have the baby for the odd hour or so, to at least relieve some of the pressure? Do you have a 'safe' area (like his bedroom) where you can leave DS for 5 minutes occasionally, to allow both of you to cool down?

I presume you make sure the baby is kept safe (sorry, awful when it's his own sibling, but has to be said).

Lastly, it will get better, at some point he will go to nursery then to school, and meantime you need to shout and scream at your Dr / HV to get help, it's really not OK that you're left in this situation. Even if they offer a nursery place for a few hours a week it would help, but much depends on the support in your area.

Good luck, feel free to rant/pm/message if you need to chat, Jay xx

grey_lady

This isnt specific or baby related but - if your not happy with the advice and information that your GP has given then please please go back and ask to see a different doctor and explain just how much its affecting you and your family, make sure that in the two or three minutes you get to explain that your message gets over to your GP. I think that i've personally had good and bad GP's - the good ones helped me a lot and the bad ones had me in tears on the way out of the surgery. Please remember that they are there to look after your physcial and mental health but that they may not get it right first time, you might have to persevere. Whatever the issue is with your toddler, it's not his fault, it's not your fault - it's just something that your dealing with as best you can!

tilly's_mum

Hi Npsmama

You mention allergy testing - did you ever get a test done? if you haven't it may be worth having a test done or keeping a food/behaviour diary for a few days - is he hyper after certain foods? It is not always the foods you expect like smarties! some kids can react to milk and gluten the same way.

Cheryl