A question for Stepparents

Nitha

I've been a stepmum for 3 years now and my other half has never got a christmas or birthday card for me on behalf of his son (he's too young to get one himself)

His son doesn't live with us full-time so he isn't always there on my actual birthday, but it does strike me as a bit odd now. Is it the norm? I get my partner cards on behalf of his son of course!

Is this just a man thing or do stepparents just not get birthday cards from the kids

snowmaid

Nitha wrote: »

I've been a stepmum for 3 years now and my other half has never got a christmas or birthday card for me on behalf of his son (he's too young to get one himself)

His son doesn't live with us full-time so he isn't always there on my actual birthday, but it does strike me as a bit odd now. Is it the norm? I get my partner cards on behalf of his son of course!

Is this just a man thing or do stepparents just not get birthday cards from the kids

He needs a slap. When my children were small I made sure that my children had a present and a card to take to their stepmom on her birthday as well as Christmas. And when it was her birthday, my ex would have them for the weekend to celebrate it with her. Consequently our 2 families are close and the children feel comfortable in either home. In fact, we are holidaying together in July when we go back to South Africa on holiday.

izoomzoom

My DH has never got me anything on behalf of the children, and they are my own children - eventhough I always get him stuff on behalf of the children. I hate the fact that mother's day is always before father's day.:mad:

DH does remember on my birthday / Xmas but it is always last last minute ...

I know you are asking more on a step- basis, but even without that I just think that some men just don't think ...

Nitha

snowmaid wrote: »

He needs a slap. When my children were small I made sure that my children had a present and a card to take to their stepmom on her birthday as well as Christmas. And when it was her birthday, my ex would have them for the weekend to celebrate it with her. Consequently our 2 families are close and the children feel comfortable in either home. In fact, we are holidaying together in July when we go back to South Africa on holiday.

Thanks - I might just do that! I think my stepson isn't encouraged to be very close to me (despite us being very close when I first dated his dad!) as if I go in for a cuddle he sort of stiffens up a bit! Mind you he is a 5 year old lad - maybe cuddling stepmum isn't very cool.

Your family set-up sounds perfect, I'm so jealous.

bestpud

izoomzoom wrote: »

My DH has never got me anything on behalf of the children, and they are my own children - eventhough I always get him stuff on behalf of the children. I hate the fact that mother's day is always before father's day.:mad:

DH does remember on my birthday / Xmas but it is always last last minute ...

I know you are asking more on a step- basis, but even without that I just think that some men just don't think ...

Same here! I always get something from the children, or remind them when old enough to do it themselves, but oh never thinks to.

Re step children - I know this is something my aunt mentioned a lot. Her children gave gifts to their step dad (but then he was living with them) but his children never gave her as much as a card. She always felt it would be nice to get a card but he always answered that she isn't their mum. Only got that example to go on, so don't know if that is the norm though, sorry.

pukkamum

I think this is just a man thing ie it not even crossing his mind!!! Your DH probably hasn't even considered that it may upset you and you will probably find that as your stepson gets older he will do it himself. You sound like a lovely step mum. As for the cuddles as a five yr old he is probably aware of his mums feelings and may feel guilty for showing you affection as if it were a betrayel to his mum. As a stepdaughter myself all i can say is keep doing what you are doing and keep giving him cuddles even if he isn't too responsive as when he gets older he will remember the effort you put in HTH x

snowmaid

bestpud wrote: »

Same here! I always get something from the children, or remind them when old enough to do it themselves, but oh never thinks to.

She always felt it would be nice to get a card but he always answered that she isn't their mum. Only got that example to go on, so don't know if that is the norm though, sorry.

AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH :mad: :mad:

hobo28

Your OH probably just hasn't thought it through. He should definately do it.

As for the hug thing, it depends on what he's like with his mum/dad. I know my son hates hugging now. Wriggles like mad even with his mum.

Mojisola

pukkamum wrote: »

Your DH probably hasn't even considered that it may upset you and you will probably find that as your stepson gets older he will do it himself.

I'm not sure this will happen - if Dad doesn't do it, who is the stepson going to learn it from?

Nitha

Lol - it sounds like it's definitely a man thing! I love hubby to bits but sometimes the little things don't even cross his mind. Think I'm going to mention it to my secret weapon - MIL! We get on really well (think I'm of a rare group!) so maybe she'll have a quiet word!

galvanizersbaby

pukkamum wrote: »

I think this is just a man thing ie it not even crossing his mind!!! Your DH probably hasn't even considered that it may upset you and you will probably find that as your stepson gets older he will do it himself. You sound like a lovely step mum. As for the cuddles as a five yr old he is probably aware of his mums feelings and may feel guilty for showing you affection as if it were a betrayel to his mum. As a stepdaughter myself all i can say is keep doing what you are doing and keep giving him cuddles even if he isn't too responsive as when he gets older he will remember the effort you put in HTH x

I agree, most men just don't really consider that sort of thing - re the 5 year old and the cuddles - my 5 year old son will only cuddle myself and his sister as he doesn't like girls at the moment - only mum and Freya (little sis) - even then I am not allowed to give him a 'girl kiss' as this may leave a lipstick mark on him - girls are not for tough guys like him apparently (think he may change his mind on that in years to come) so shouldn't read too much in to him feeling guilty about showing you affection - my son won't cuddle my ex's partner as she falls in to the general 'girls' banner! :rotfl: