dd's lack of confidence due to me

emmy05

dont blame yourself and dont heed on every word the teacher says, its too early for any of them to predict anything like that, both my sons were very shy, it would just come down to the teacher themselves at the end of the day, if children are shy, then they are, and theres nothing you can do to change that, youve done a great job so dont worry, stick to the finer things she said rather than the negatives, hugs x

MidLifeCrisis_3

madsmum wrote: »

Thank you so much for your responses. I feel much better now.

I've tried to contact Rainbows through Yell but its not giving me any answers. Any ideas where I could find out if there is a group in my area?

Thanks again

MM

Try Netmums website it's a good source for loads of things like this.

I think what people are saying on here about shyness is true, you can't push them. If you feel comfortable having someone else kid round for tea then do it, but if not wait until you're ready as I've certainly found that not everyone's kids have the same manners that you may expect of yours!

MLC

cazziebo

Jeez - you have my fullest sympathies! Do not worry about this at all.

I was told the exact same by dd1's first primary teacher. She was too introverted, never spoke, "perhaps I should have her checked for some sort of personality defect" :eek: Like you, I was devastated. To my mind, she was talkative when she had to be, very intelligent, and would rather read. She was not attention seeking like a lot of other 4 & 5 year olds. I had a friend who was a deputy head in a primary and he said to ignore it, teachers are teachers, not psychologists. Some kids are just quiet.

Anyway, she soon came out her shell - around age 9 iirc, - and a bit too far at times! She's now 18, loud, extrovert, popular, confident - a real party animal. Sometimes I wish that little quiet bookish girl would come back!

Btw she did do quite a lot of activities at different times - but she was just the quiet one at dancing, gymnastics, rainbows, etc etc! So I agree about not pushing her. If she wants to do it then fine, if not, leave it until later.

You're the best judge - if you think she's happy then don't fret too much about what you're told.

budget_budd

I got so sick with my health visitor telling me that my oldest son needs to be mixing with children, I thought I'd go mad. My brother was killed when my son was just 3 weeks old and this has had a massive effect on me, and for ages I wouldn't leave the house. My son has never been to a nursery or any mother toddler groups until very recently (within the last couple of months) and he is due to start pre school after half term, of course I am immensely worried about my little boy starting school and how he will mix, he does have contact with his cousins (there are loads of them) but not really with any other children. I also have no idea how Im going to mix with other mums.

view

Someone once said, if you can't find anything to talk about, ask the person about themselves, it's their favourite subject!

Think of things to ask people before you go somewhere ie: holidays, tv program, work, their children and even the weather. Once you do this a few times you'll find it easier and easier to chat to people in a social situation. It will also help you find common ground with someone - and you may find there are a few others who don't want to chat cars and makeup either!

Hope it all works out for you x

cobbingstones

Just looked up Rainbows (thanks for the link) sadly not able to join until she is five. Thanks anyway.

MM

MidLifeCrisis_3

budget_budd wrote: »

I got so sick with my health visitor telling me that my oldest son needs to be mixing with children, I thought I'd go mad. My brother was killed when my son was just 3 weeks old and this has had a massive effect on me, and for ages I wouldn't leave the house. My son has never been to a nursery or any mother toddler groups until very recently (within the last couple of months) and he is due to start pre school after half term, of course I am immensely worried about my little boy starting school and how he will mix, he does have contact with his cousins (there are loads of them) but not really with any other children. I also have no idea how Im going to mix with other mums.

Don't be worried you know what kids are like if they go to the park or the beach it's like they've been lifelong friends within minutes. They never seem to have the same hang ups as us adults about getting to know people. You'll be fine, smile at other mums and you'll find they'll smile back, then build up to saying hello (they might do that anyway and may ask if you're new). Yeah it's hard to start with, but the good old British weather is always a good subject for anyone. I'm sure the pre-school will ease him (and you) in gently and within no time he'll love it. Offer to help out when you can if you like as it's a fab way to make new friends.

Good luck

MLC

scottishchick27

wotnext wrote: »

I concur with those that have suggested Rainbows/Brownies.

My DD2 was a complete wallflower. She was painfully shy (and still is to a certain extent) but it wasn't until she started Rainbows and then Brownies that she came out of her shell. She still finds social situations difficult but there is such a difference in her.quote]

Thanks for that, my daughter is 6 and can't wait to join the Brownies when she is 7. I'd never even heard of Rainbow but have looked online and they do it in my area so have emailed them for more details. You have made a little girl (and her mum) very happy.:j

Savvy_Sue

There is sometimes a waiting list for Rainbows and Brownies (generally less so for Guides) so it is definitely worth enquiring before they are old enough.

Also (and this may be heresy) once they are 6 they can join Beavers, because all Scout groups are now supposed to be mixed ...

Clearly this won't suit all girls, but some will thrive!

andyrules

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

There is sometimes a waiting list for Rainbows and Brownies (generally less so for Guides) so it is definitely worth enquiring before they are old enough.

Also (and this may be heresy) once they are 6 they can join Beavers, because all Scout groups are now supposed to be mixed ...

Clearly this won't suit all girls, but some will thrive!

I didn't know that one! Good idea, some girls prefer the rough and tumble (and absence of 'cliques'/falling out) of a boy group.
We moved areas a lot when my DD was small - consequently she started school after the 'grouping' had taken place in nursery etc. She was also so quiet and shy that it was mentioned on all her early reports. However, she made friends when she was ready, now at uni she has friends in every corner of the country. I made sure that she joined as many out of school activities as possible, and one of her oldest and dearest friends is one she made at swimming club. Incidentally, I hated going there as all the other mums seemed a tight social group - but took a book along and enjoyed the peace!
DS on the other hand, who was always more outgoing, has a small circle of mates and is happy on that.

I'm a great believer in letting children find their own comfort zone - as long as you offer opportunities (which you are ) then she will make friends at her own pace. With some activities (swimming, dancing etc) you may not even have to stay, just drop off and pick up. As for school friends, she will make some when she is ready and you really don't have to be best buddies with the mums, as long as know enough if your LO goes for tea etc. I know what you mean about the playground mafia type - I'm so glad to be out of that!