Fetching OH's child

nicola1982_2

I am currently on Mat leave and have a 4 mth old baby. I am the only one who can drive.

Every other weekend I am expected to pick up my OH's son and return him on a journey that costs me 12 pounds minimum in petrol and takes between 45 mins to an hour and half per journey depending on traffic. I have to take my LO with me too. I don't use the car during the week but have to pay tax and insurance because there is no bus service to the village he lives in.

It's starting to make me miserable. I struggle for money, every other weekend my baby is miserable because his routine is knocked out of whack and I'm starting to feel like OH and his ex are using me. To make matters worse I'm occasionally expected to have him in the week at short notice on my own (picking him up too).

Am I being unreasonable? And how do I cope with the financial aspect of it all? At the moment I dread every other weekend.

debs66_2

this is simply not your responsibility. your OH has parental responsibility, not you.

If he cannot drive and asks you to help, then he should look after the baby while you go, and he should also pay the costs. If neither of you were drivers he would have to pay a taxi or for some other transport to collect his son, likewise if he was single and was arranging access to see his child.

Re having the child in the week on your own, again i stand by my opening sentence. You have no parental responsibility and I am surprised that the child's mother expects you to step in. My kids have never gone to their dad's when he wasn't there. It's him they go to see.

amandada

There's definitely someone being unreasonable here and it's most certainly not you!
I know it can be hard to say no, but your OH and his ex are taking the mickey!!
Would I be correct in thinking the ex has decided that unless the child is collected then dad doesn't see him/her? Or has this been done through court?

Either way it is NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to be doing this-hard though it is, you're going to have to bring it up with your OH.
Sorry for your predicament-it can't be easy

hobo28

Is there a good reason why your OH can't drive or cannot learn to?

I can understand how you feel. I have to make a 200 mile round trip every other weekend too. Costs nearly £40-£50 in petrol each month minimum.

Ok, so only you can drive. What about your OH? Why can he not look after the baby? That would certainly take the pressure off you. Do you live together? If so then how do you manage the finances? Surely there should be a way of sharing the cost? If you are not then he should be giving you petrol money or at least making it up in another way.

His ex ofc won't care either way. It really depends upon how much of an issue this is for you. If you are deadly serious with your OH then this is something I'm afraid you will have to tolerate. Being a step parent is really a thankless task and there is much to put up with where you have to bite your tongue. But as long as the good parts outweigh the bad then i'd just get on with it.

newlywed

Do you and OH live together? Does your OH not come with you on these journeys?

When you have look after his child "on your own" in the week - does OH come home from work and see the child later on at all? If not, with short notice included - I think this is taking the mick a little.

Can you suggest to OH that you can't afford to keep doing that and are thinking of giving up the car due to finances (maybe it will prompt him to contribute)? Does your OH work?

amandada

Sorry I've just re-read and seen that you're expected to do it during the week as well-I'm astounded!!
Who does the expectation come from, is it your OH or his ex?

newlywed

hobo28 wrote: »

Being a step parent is really a thankless task and there is much to put up with where you have to bite your tongue. But as long as the good parts outweigh the bad then i'd just get on with it.

Wise words from hobo, totally agree with that.

Sometimes it's hard to deal with the responsibilities for kids that aren't actually yours, but sometimes people take the mick too

Dick_here

nicola1982 wrote: »

I am currently on Mat leave and have a 4 mth old baby. I am the only one who can drive.

Has the baby had any lessons yet ?

AnnieH

I think it's your OH's responsibilty to fetch his child not yours. My ex does a 400 mile round trip to pick my girls up when he has them. We used to meet half way, but then they started taking the mick and noe he fetches them and brings them back - his kids and if he wants them then he has to take some responsibilty for making that happen.

bestpud

TBH, I don't think the journey itself is such a big issue - your little one should be able to cope with that.

However, the rest is way out of order!

Is your OH the father of your child and if so, are you actually living together? Or does he work away during the week?

Why on earth do you make the journey alone?

And why are you keeping a car on the road, when it should be both of you/your OH?

Sorry, this isn't making sense, but perhaps I'm being dim!

LittleTinker

I guess I think a little different in the way that when you start to date someone who already has children and you take on the commitment to live together, then you also take on your OH's responsibilities.

If your OH is sat at home watching TV whilst you pick up his child, then that is wrong and you should ask him to either come with you or mind the baby. But if he is at work, I dont see what your problem is.