Fetching OH's child

squashy

I am a step mum, have been for 11 years, and I would not bat an eyelid at helping my DH out if it was the difference between seeing them or not. Our money is joint so it would seem bizarre to be giving each other petrol money!

You do need to talk I think if you are really unhappy about having them midweek.

BernadetteN

Yes it seems unreasonable if you are taking on the responsibility of doing all the transportation yourself. However, if you chose to become the partner of someone who already has a child with someone else, then you have to accept that they come as a family. I find it odd that you have left it until now and also odd that you think of the petrol money being "yours" - I share everything with my husband, with the exception of his clothes!

isthatreduced

I don't think OP has given us enough details,so it's a shot in the dark.

What did /would your partner do if you where not available?

Why doesn't he come in the car with you to pick up his child?

I Presume the child not old enough to go to school ,or you wouldn't be picking them up during the week.


I think your partner needs to make an effort,and show his other child that he wants him/her, children pick up on the fact that it's you picking him up and not his Dad and this could make him/her feel like a incovenience.

Sounds as if your partner isn't putting any effort into any of his relationships and just ambling along.

I am not saying you shouldn't help out just feel you are been taken advantage of.

surreysaver

I think that as you are on Maternity Leave, and as only women are allowed to take Maternity Leave, then at the present time you are unfortunately in the position of having to do more of the share of home responsibilities while your OH is at work (assuming he is at work). If we were an equal society, and as a couple you had decided that your OH would take the Maternity Leave, surely you would be expecting your OH to do more stuff at home while you worked?

Having said that, though, he should contribute financially to the petrol and other expenses involved in running the car.

And I'm sure when you go back to work, and the nursery won't have your child in because they're sick, you will be glad of someone who will look after him at short notice.

Spendless

Is your O/H the father of your baby? Do you live together? Do you have joint finances or at least a joint household pot of money.. Where is your OH when you got to collect his child, eg is he at work?

It's a bit hard to say 'that's not fair', or 'sounds pretty reasonable to me', without knowing more details.:cool:

liney

You begrude collecting your step-son so he can see his father?

Families pull together. If you and your OH are together enough to have a baby then the other child is part of your family too.

Has this become an issue since you had your own child perchance?

SmellyOldSock

I'm a step mum and do the picking up on a Friday. My hubbie does the drop off. I do get fed up, I feel I'm taken for granted. This was the arrangement they sorted out before I came on the scene, that he'd do both pick up and drop off.

The otherside is if I don't pick them up by the time hubbie goes to pick them up its gone 8pm and they won't have had anthing to eat so I end up cooking again, its easier for me to pick them up.

I also have them during school holidays while hubbie is working, as the ex goes away alot, if we didn't have them she'd send them off to anyone that'd have them (this has happened, when I was in hospital).

We are a family, I knew he had children, I decided to take them as part of the deal, I've made my family what it is. It is hard and frustrating, I dislike his ex not helping in anyway, infact she goes out of her way to be difficult about anything and everything.

I hope you sort it out soon.

best wishes
Charlotte

nickyhutch

liney wrote: »

You begrude collecting your step-son so he can see his father?

Families pull together. If you and your OH are together enough to have a baby then the other child is part of your family too.

Has this become an issue since you had your own child perchance?

I agree. Liney, do you post on ivillage step-parenting boards?

liney

nickyhutch wrote: »

I agree. Liney, do you post on ivillage step-parenting boards?

Not I! Although i might have a look now )

nickyhutch

There's already a liney there too!

It's a really good board, lots of help and advice and opportunities to vent.