Can anyone help me with a letter?

RustyFlange

Could anyone help me write a letter to my ex partner ... basically to cut a long story short he has lost his job (again) and on his last pay he recieved 3 weeks money to which he should have paid me £27 a week (according to CSA but we did do payments between ourselves) so £81 out of that. He said he would give me £35 as that was all he could afford. I agreed to that but asked him to give me £45 as I needed to buy some new school shoes for my son. He then got all huffy and went ballistic down the phone and refused point blank to pay me any money. I have since moved house and have tried to encourage contact between him and his sister but he is refusing to travel (which the previous court order states he has to do) I have also looked into prices of tickets on the train etc and the price is only £2 more expensive than it used to be even though it is a different location. However he is threatening me with court action to *make* me do all of the travelling even though I do not work but because my partner does work he says that my partner should be paying for me to travel (I feel this is unfair as he already pays for everything my son needs due to me being a stay at home mum with my 2 children) Anyway he has now gone one step further and contacted social services to try and cause trouble, this is the second time he has done it (he contacted them in February this year malliciously and the case was closed as soon as they came out and did a home visit.) but now he has done it again and I have been advised by a social worker to write him a letter saying that basically I am not stopping him from seeing his son and infact trying to encourage the relationship between him and his son. Whilst also asking for the previous outstanding payment of £81 is made to me.

I have now had to resort to going back through the CSA to get payments off him however this is only backdated to 10th April as this was when I called up.

Can anyone help?

hobo28

If he doesn't have a job now then his liability is £5 per week whilst he is on income support.

As for contact, all you can do is make them available for contact. If he chooses not to travel its really the childrens (and his) loss. No court will compel him to travel to see his kids if he does not want to.

As for the letter, not sure what you hope to achieve. I can't see any words making him cough up the £81. Especially if he's just lost his job and is feeling the pinch. Its not really an amount worth going to court over either. Personally I'd just take the £35 as some is better than none.

If you feel you must write a letter keep it simple. I would simply put in it that you are still happy to abide by the existing arrangements for contact and for him to let you know if he intends to stick to it too so you can get the kids ready etc. I would leave the money out of it so that if it heaven forbid does crop up in court he cannot argue that you would only let him see the kids if he paid you. Contact and maintenance should always be seperate discussions.

Hope that helps

RustyFlange

hobo28 wrote: »

If he doesn't have a job now then his liability is £5 per week whilst he is on income support.

As for contact, all you can do is make them available for contact. If he chooses not to travel its really the childrens (and his) loss. No court will compel him to travel to see his kids if he does not want to.

As for the letter, not sure what you hope to achieve. I can't see any words making him cough up the £81. Especially if he's just lost his job and is feeling the pinch. Its not really an amount worth going to court over either. Personally I'd just take the £35 as some is better than none.

If you feel you must write a letter keep it simple. I would simply put in it that you are still happy to abide by the existing arrangements for contact and for him to let you know if he intends to stick to it too so you can get the kids ready etc. I would leave the money out of it so that if it heaven forbid does crop up in court he cannot argue that you would only let him see the kids if he paid you. Contact and maintenance should always be seperate discussions.

Hope that helps

sorry I think I worded that badly. He is not likely to get another job, he lost his job 5 years ago and didn't bother to look for another for 3.5 years. I know that a court will not make him travel but then on the same note they will not make me do it either. The court ordered last time that basically if he wanted to see his son then he had to travel to do so. I have no problem with him seeing him, infact I wish he would hurry up and sort himself out as it is not fair on my son to not see his son when he is used to monthly contact (his dads decision not mine) He refused to pay the £35, he has refused to pay any kind of maintenance since february, I thought it may have been a passing phase and yet it appears not to be. I have already sent him a letter saying about contact and got no response, he is in regular contact with my sons new school and the headmaster commented that he can speak the speak but is becoming a slight pest with the amount of emails to the school. So he is making an effort there but not to contact his son by even a phone call. I understand that it is only £5 a week whilst he is on JSA but my gripe is mainly the fact that he is not making an effort to be in touch with his son!!!

I am not talking about taking him to court over such a small amount, infact I am not taking him to court at all, it is rather the other way around, he is threatening me with court action to make me do all of the travelling. I have no interests in going to the court as we have been down this route once before (again started by him)

I simply want to resolve this so that my son can keep the relationship with his real dad!

RustyFlange

Oh and the social worker told me to write him a letter about contact and payments which is why I asked for help as I am terrible at writing letters.

Mrs_P_Pincher

Hi Rusty. Sorry to hear you have this problem, but unfortunately no-one can make him have contact with his son if he chooses not to. Fact of life. Not good for either of them, but if you're OK with contact but he chooses not to take it up, then that's his choice.

I could help you to write a letter (I used to do this stuff for a living) but the end result, with the best will in the world, is likely to be an angry ex and still no contact.

Sounds like you have quite a detailed Court Order and if he is not doing what it says then he is welcome to go back to Court for a variation but my guess is he'll just make a lot of noise and not do anything.

Give it some thought and post again if you still want to go ahead.

Mrs P P

minimoneysaver

I think what the poster was looking for was a letter to her ex saying how important he is to "their" son and how his son really needs to see his Daddy. I would guess something about consistency. The importance of providing a stable home environment for children and how it impacts on the overall well being of their child. I'm totally rubbish at all of this and that is why I am having problems getting my ex to maintain regular contact with our daughter.

RustyFlange

minimoneysaver wrote: »

I think what the poster was looking for was a letter to her ex saying how important he is to "their" son and how his son really needs to see his Daddy. I would guess something about consistency. The importance of providing a stable home environment for children and how it impacts on the overall well being of their child. I'm totally rubbish at all of this and that is why I am having problems getting my ex to maintain regular contact with our daughter.

I wouldn't say important as I personally feel he is a complete nitwit and waste of time however he is my sons dad and everyone needs a dad in their life. My son looks up to my partner as his dad aswell but still feel that he is needed in his life

RustyFlange

Quick update:

Have spoken to the CSA this morning, they are waiting to hear back from the benefits people about taking the £5 a week out of his benfits. till this has happened then he doesn't have to pay anything and it won't be backdated to the 10th April

However he has wrote them a letter stating that I am refusing to let him see his son!!!:mad: which I am not. He has also stated that he is willing to give me 15% of his last pay packet which is wrong as the CSA told him he had to pay £27 a week. They are also claiming that he has been paying me £160 a month for months and that I have apparently signed an agreement with him to this? I have signed nothing and on one occasion he paid me £160 into my bank account the extra £40 was for a present which I had to buy for his son as he couldn't be bothered to visit him and give it to him in person :mad:

So anyway now, I am in the process of writing a letter to him asking for the £81 to be paid into my account for which he already has the details and have confirmed the bank account details in the letter and also stating that contact is still needed between him and his son so could he get in touch to start the ball rolling as it is important that ontact between father and son is maintained.

I am also writing a letter to the CSA with a copy of the letter which I am sending to him but also stating that I am not stopping contact nor have I stopped contact and that I am infact trying to get the ball rolling with the contact matters and also to reinforce the fact that I have not recieved this amount and that it was only on one occasion.

They are refusing to send me a copy of the letter that they have recieved which they have told me I have signed. I am guessing he had forged my signature or got his mother to sign for it :mad::mad:

Damn why can he not see that this is his son and that he needs to be a part of his life!!!

hobo28

Hmm, its all a bit of a mess. I don't see why your ex is moaning to the CSA about contact. Its the wrong place and frankly they won't care.

If he has indeed forged your signature then it is a very serious criminal offence. For now I would ignore it as I don't think it will make too much difference and I think you have to focus on what it is you want. But if it ever does crop up, I'd speak with the police.

As for contact, you can't make someone want contact and no court will make him. I think as long as you've made clear he is available for contact then its up to him. As you've already said, a court will not make you travel against your will and if the distance is not too great then he will have to answer some rather difficult questions as to why he is able to go to the hassle of court action but not travel to see his own son.

Finally I must say that its refreshing to see a PWC really care about their son having contact time with the other parent even though your opinion of him is....well....limited! Good on you!

RustyFlange

hobo28 wrote: »

Hmm, its all a bit of a mess. I don't see why your ex is moaning to the CSA about contact. Its the wrong place and frankly they won't care.

If he has indeed forged your signature then it is a very serious criminal offence. For now I would ignore it as I don't think it will make too much difference and I think you have to focus on what it is you want. But if it ever does crop up, I'd speak with the police.

As for contact, you can't make someone want contact and no court will make him. I think as long as you've made clear he is available for contact then its up to him. As you've already said, a court will not make you travel against your will and if the distance is not too great then he will have to answer some rather difficult questions as to why he is able to go to the hassle of court action but not travel to see his own son.

Finally I must say that its refreshing to see a PWC really care about their son having contact time with the other parent even though your opinion of him is....well....limited! Good on you!

He has told them to try and make my life difficult, the same as he has contacted social services on 2 occasions, one was deemed malicious immediatley and was closed straight away and the second was basically becuase he had contacted them to tell them that I had stopped contact. The socail worker basically said he doesnt understand why as it is again nothing to do with them. He has recieved 2 leters stating that contact is available and is about to recieve a third.

My son means the world to me as does my daughter however the opinion of my sons father is very very limited but I would never ever stop him from seeing him, we can't choose our parents and it is not my sons fault that he has a father so twisted that he will do anythin to try and cause problems for me. He doesn't seem to realise the effect it has on his son.

Anyhoo my letter is here ... obviously with bits edited out ...

Wednesday, 14 May 2008

Dear Pingu

I am writing to you in connection with your parental access and child maintenance payments.

I have not received any payments from your with respect to maintenance since “INSERT DATE HERE”. The CSA made a decision that £27 per week is to be paid, therefore from your last payment which you claim to be 3 weeks, I am expected to receive 3 times £27 totalling £81 which is still outstanding. I have not changed my bank details, but for reference, here they are again:

Account Name: ******************
Sort Code: ***************
Account Number: *****************

As regards to access, this is scheduled to be every 4 weeks as per your requested change in September 2007. This is also with the option of extended stays for school holidays where practicable. You have not seen or spoken to plinky plonk since “INSERT DATE HERE” and I urge you to contact me to make arrangements for access. As per my last letter, dated 11th May 2008 you are aware that I am now living in the North East, and that a suitable location would be Newcastle upon Tyne where I can meet you at central station as you arrive and also to pick up plinky plonk before you return.

I have just recently changed my contact number, which you will need. It is 07521 ******

Regards


me

PasturesNew

If he's single and on benefits then all he'd be getting is his rent/council tax paid and £60/week to live on. That's to pay all his bills and to look for work.

If you add up the bills, then add in cheap food, there's not a lot left to "live" on.

Maybe he just genuinely doesn't have the money.