Proposing - Partners financial issues

maryjane01

Don't marry her till it is sorted out. My partner had a lot of debt and burried his head in the sand about it all. I was totally upfront and said ther is no way I could marry someone who was not prepared to address the issue because it is such an important one. I didn't want a future being worried about money. I made my partner see how serious I was, and fortunately for me he addressed his issues, he is very good with his money and sometimes more tight now than me lol!

As we totally trust each other and have the joint goals for the future, all the money we earn goes into a joint account, and we have seperate current accounts into which we pay ourselves a small "allowance" so we can go out with friends, buy drinks, clothes, presents etc. without having to be totally accountable to each other for every little thing we buy.

mjburton

I go for seperate accounts and one joint one.

Salaries go in own accounts, standing orders are set up for each seperate account on pay day for x amount to go into joint account for household bills - this covers all mortgage, utilities etc.

Anything left in my account is mine to do with as I please, whatever is in OHs account is his to do with as he pleases, that way he can't complain when I buy another jacket, and I can't complain when he buys computer games!

It saves us arguements and we are both contributing to the household finances in an agreed way.

Have you considered a prenuptual agreement if you are that concerned about the money side if things go wrong? If she hid the rpevious debt from you she must have an idea that you differ in money management!

floss2

usernametaken wrote: »

floss

I take home roughly 3x her salary too, I did consider the split of household bills the same as yourself but it would leave me with alot more at the end of the month than her which i didn’t think was fair. A solution is out there, thanks for all the help, all of it is appreciated

Why is it not fair? He earns more than me, so why shouldn't he have more at the end of the month? Do you want me to be skint just so I can pay 50% of our household bills along with uni support and my personal pension & life insurance? That isn't fair on me.

It means he can save for things like our wedding while I am paying to support my kids at Uni (not his kids, BTW). And he is a 2-degree professional, whose hard work & study has put him in a role that pays £50k.

I suppose it isn't fair that I am a mother & he has no children.....but on the other hand, maybe I would be earning £50k if I had not stopped building my career to bring up my children.

Mojisola

usernametaken wrote: »

I will be proposing next month, there is one thing that i am worried about before i "jump in" though.

Please sort it out before you propose. Arguments about money is high up on the list of things that split couples. I think you are heading for a lot of heartache if she doesn't make changes before you get married.

benood

A tip which worked really well for us was to have a first direct current account and get text messages of the balance sent to you daily (ours is a joint a/c and my OH gets a daily text and I get weekly)

If she does all her spending on this account and doesn't have any credit cards it's an excellent way to keep on top of things.

something_girl

I would agree to sort this out before marriage.
I was married for 10 years to a guy that had no money sense, so I looked after everything, he had no idea who the mortgage or insurances were with etc, but he did earn the money while I stayed at home with young kids. Me being more or less in control of everything except actually earning, made me lose respect for him and we subsequently divorced.

I am now in a relationship of 3 years where we live together, but our finances are completely separate. My OH earns just over 5 times my wage (I work part time) and he pays for half the utilities and food shopping. I have no mortgage and the house is in my name. We have nothing joint and that suits me.

I don't see it as unfair that he has tons more money than me, it's just our situation. I have 2 kids that their father supports. My OH has 2 kids that he pays maintenance for, far less than I receive, as it happens.

My OH treats me sometimes if we're out, but his vast salary is undoubtedly his own and private.

Perhaps that's the difference between just being partners and actually being married.

Jo_R_2

My ex was terrible with money. From bitter experience I recommend that you sort it out now before you get married.

Agree with dearbarbie, someone who doesn't have to face the effects of their spending, who is looked after in that sense, can never have the opportunity to learn. I thought at the time I was doing the right thing by bailing my ex out of his debts, and covering him when he borrowed money, but now I am left paying off his debts whilst he is newly married and buying a new four-bed house, not giving anything towards the debts or his children yet somehow has enough for holidays and drinking.

southernscouser

Mojisola wrote: »

Please sort it out before you propose. Arguments about money is high up on the list of things that split couples.

I think it may even be number 1, above sex.

Although I'm not sure how it works if someone has been paying for sex! :think: :rotfl:


OP, although admirable paying off her debts, it means she hasn't learnt the hard way. But I can understand you not wanting her to get into further brown stuff before realising.

Perhaps you should start involving her in the finances. Give her the weekly housing allowance and tell her when it's gone, it's gone. Quite often people in couples who get into debt do so because they are blindly unaware of what money goes where. Involving her might make her appreciate it a bit more.

usernametaken_3

All very helpful comments guys, I will think about them all. We have been together for over 8 years so I know my partner very well, We are moving house next month and I want to propose then so I will be going ahead with it.

I think she feels like I don’t know exactly how much is needed for household bills etc, but I feel like we spend to much on household stuff, £350 a month for the two of us + a 4 year old, i reckon if i was doing the shopping I could get it down to £250 easy (but I admit I am tight)

She has suggested I give her cash for the shopping and she just comes to me for money for anything else, she knows she gets into trouble and is looking to change, I think I will try this in the short term and hopefully she will be more conscious of the money when she is handing it over

Jo_R_2

I always find dealing with things in cash is a great way to make yourself aware of how much you are spending.

For household stuff I spend around £160-£180 a month for me and two DDs, and it was about the same when their father lived with us. I know I could shave this down further so I'm absolutely sure you could work on how much you guys spend on household stuff. The Old Style board is a great place to start!