Proposing - Partners financial issues

usernametaken_3

Hello

I will be proposing next month, there is one thing that i am worried about before i "jump in" though.

My partner is not good with money at all, if she has any available she will spend it, i take care of the money in our house and twice i have found she has tried to hide debt from me (nothing major, £1000 the first time, £500 recently). She only works part time and makes about £550 a month, so i have had to bail her out both times.

Money is a major worry for me, i dont think it makes you happy but when you dont got any it sure makes you miserable! does anyone have any ideas on how i can protect myself(for lack of a better word) or help my partner with her problems. I do consider her to be entitled to 50% of what we own as she has looked after my son and lost some years she could have spent working and building a career, I just dont want to be hit with a huge bill if something were to go wrong.

thanks

charmed-imsure

Take her shopping once a month & tell her she can have what she likes as long as it's within x amount? And you buy the items. That way it also feels like a treat for her from you! Or you could sit & have a good chat with her about it if you haven't already. Hiding debts isn't a good thing, trust is important & she needs to be mindful of that. What might be £500 or £1000 now could turn to £1ks later. That's a lot of money to those who don't have it. I had a bit of an opposite thing once when I moved in with my first bf, to be able to afford it (we both worked full time) I ended up selling a lot of my most treaured possessions, he said he couldn't afford another £50 to get the keys 1 day early so anyway, things were really tight. 5 months later when I was putting the laundry away, I found a bank statement in his underwear drawer. £22,500.00 was his bank balance, he'd had that all along. Never trusted him again after that. We broke up a couple of months later!

Anyway, I'd have a good chat with her, she might feel down about something else & maybe spending a little helps her over that temporarily???

Paparika

well there's nothing in the rule book about joint accounts

my hubby and i had separate accounts, only because he was stingy, i don't waste money btw

Js_Other_Half

What has the money being going on? If it's things that are day to day expenses, then I suggest you start looking at your finances as a couple - do you have more money to play with than her?

My DH and I have very different salaries (I now work part time) - we pool all of our money apart from £100 per month each, which is for any little extras - hairdresser, magazines, etc

dearbarbie

it sounds like she doesnt know the value of money if you dont mind me saying so, and perhaps the fact you take care of everything isnt really helping her to learn?

usernametaken_3

Thanks for the replies.

dearbarbie you are correct she doesn’t, her father has taught her some very bad lessons and i am trying to change these. The money has been spent on small day to day things there is nothing sinister about what she is doing but she unconsciously buries her head in the sand when it comes to money.

I dont want to have to hold her hand when it comes to money.

Js_other_Half: That is what i have been trying to accomplish but i just found out she has ran up her overdraft (which she had cancelled last tiem we went over out finances)

I hate debt and i am finally getting on my feet and well into the black, i just wish we had the same goals when it comes to money.

floss2

You can't force her to have a light-bulb-moment, it has to happen itself.

How do you share the bills? My DF brings home 3 x my take-home salary, so he pays 3/4 of the household bills, and I pay the other 1/4. Maybe a calculation like this could be applied, then she feels she is contributing to the household & not just being "kept". She may feel that a budget/spending diary would be useful to plan her expenditure and to see how much she has spent / got left.

usernametaken_3

floss

I take home roughly 3x her salary too, I did consider the split of household bills the same as yourself but it would leave me with alot more at the end of the month than her which i didn’t think was fair. A solution is out there, thanks for all the help, all of it is appreciated

dearbarbie

just to add, its not totally abnormal to not have the same amount of money. OH earns about 2.5x my income plus all the perks of being a perm not a temp like me. our outgoings on the flat we share are split down the middle but he treats me for things, pays for more of our holidays etc etc so I dont feel like I am completely missing out, buys me dinner somethings, does most of the food shopping etc. maybe you could work something out like that? it took for me to be skint to get out of my habits, but i guess i have earned my OH's help, he helps me out because he sees I cannot afford (i.e. we're going to a wedding in america so he paid my flight, bought my outfit etc) rather than because i am frittering away my cash if that makes sense?

usernametaken_3

dearbarbie

thanks, we do speak often about our finances, but i feel like it is solely my responsibility, i am trying to change this, I also feel like every time i suggest something she tries to rebel against it! She is a very independent woman but she is a definite head-burier.

dearbarbie

Aww you will sort it, I'm sure of it. Finances are a joint thing, maybe get her to take initiative, or refuse to do something? Erm!