Advice with BR

Chihuahua_Mistress

Hiya, I don't really know where to start, but I need some advice from you guys as I know you will have been here at some point.

My hubby is in the Army and I am a stay at home mum.

We have a lot of debt between us, and have been on a DMP with the CCCS for 2 years. My own (ie not hubbys)debts amount to about £45k, and I amassed them while I was at university. I dropped out of my course in 2006 because I was raped in 2005 and I became really depressed afterwards and left Uni in 2006, so I did not qualify and end up earning the money I had expected to be able to pay off my debts with.

I have no income, other than child benefit, and child tax credits which are at the min rate, but this is what pays for my son's milk and nappies, so I would be stuck without it.

I spoke to the CCCS people briefly when I did our budget and they recommende dthat I go BR as it is going to take us such a long time to pay off our debts (25YRS+). I didn't really entertain the suggestion at the time, but I have just discovered that £20k of my debts are not included on the DMP like I had assumed they were, and we have NO extra money to pay them, in fact we are really struggling with the amount we are paying already since the cost of food and fuels have gone up so much :-( We only have £120 for the rest of the month and it is only the 11th :-(

I have been thinking about BR because of all this, but I am so scared about what it might involve. I am terrified of going to court and getting grilled about my debts and having to talk about the rape. Plus, I have something called disassociative amnesia so I forget a lot of details about things that upset me (like my debts!!!), and I don't even have copies of statements or anything that I can show them either.

I am also scared about the interview with the OR as I just don't know what they are going to say. My husband has a car and I don't want to lose it as we have to travel a long way to see both our families and we couldn't do it without that, plus with the Army, they like to stick you in the middle of nowhere and without the car we would be really really stuck.

So really what I would like to know, is what would I have to pay back if I went BR bearing in mind I am basically living off my husband, would we be able to keep the car (he bought it!), would my husband be okay not to go BR (he would be kicked out the Army if he did), would my husband be allowed to go to court and the OR interview with me (I don't know if I oculd go alone)?

I probably have about a million different questions as well but I have got myself all upset (again) and cant think properly for crying.

This is all getting me down so much, I just can't see an end in sight and we are always having to worry about money to the point that I can't even go and visit my parents this month because we just cant afford the petrol.

I know I was young and stupid when I got myself into so much debt, if I could turn the clock back then I would never do it again, but I have not taken out any more debt since 2005, we have borrowed money from my husbands parents to try and sort things but it just keeps getting worse and worse and we never seem to be able to get out of the mess we are in. I don't even have anything to show for the money other than the diploma I left Uni early with, so I can't even sell anything to pay back any of the debts.

I am just so upset about it all and I don't know what to do, I know in my heart that BR is the only way it will get sorted but I am just so scared about the whole process so it would be great if anyone can help me out with any advice.

Thanks, and sorry for going on :-( x

roxy84

Hi, sounds like you have had a really tough time. I cant answer all of your questions but someone with lots of knowledge will be along shortly.

I have just gone BR & i am a stay at home mum too, my OH supports us but we were in a situation where most our debt was joint so we have both had to go BR. We each had about £30k of our own debt and then £40k of joint debt, so that was the best option for us.

You will need to take some advice from the debt charities (cccs, nat debtline etc)
If your OH doesnt have any debt then he wont have to go BR, but if the debt is in joint names and only you go BR then he will become liable for all the debt.
I cant see any problem with your oh going to court with you for support, not sure about seeing the OR, thats usually over the telephone.

Just want to say that its not as scary as some people may let u think, im only 23 myself and found the whole process pretty simple once i had made the decision to do it, the court staff are great and even the OR was nice.

maxmycardagain

have you spoken to the regimental welfare officer?

wherediditallgo

Hi, & welcome

You've gone through an awful lot, but try not to get too upset. Let's take this in stages.

First of all, did you have any counselling after the rape? If you didn't or if you think you need more, please contact your doctor or one of the rape advisory services. It doesn't matter how much time has gone past since it happened - you can still get help if you think you need it. Some residual depression related to that may account in part for your spending patterns since then.

Next, please speak to one of the charities in my signature to get an up-to-date picture of where things stand today. You've had a child since then & that's hard enough work as it is. Laws relating to debt may have also changed since you last spoke to CCCS, so it's worth giving them another call. There's no problem with someone accompanying you to court, & if you're told you have to have a face-to-face interview with the OR they may let someone accompany you given your circumstances. When I saw the OR the same day I went to court, there were some other people waiting who had gone BR together. One person was called in first, then the other one joined them. However, given your diagnosis, it might be OK for you to have someone with you for the whole appointment, & I also don't think there'd be a problem with you using lists of info as prompts for the items you need to get across, so make sure the OR knows about your health issues.

Do each bit at a time, & we'll help you with any questions you've got.

dalip

Hi and welcome
This is the place for comfort,support,advice and sometimes a laugh:D .
Take each stage one step at a time like WGIAG says. Don't ever feel silly about posting a question, thats what we are here for. Contact one of the debt charities and get legal advice. Then we will hold your hand through all the stages of bc. Good luck. Dx

dodecanese

Hi Chihuahu

Im sorry youve been been through such a horrible time, when I read stuff like this I really wonder how I justify whingeing about things like creditors hassling me ,etc. It kind of brings it into perspective.

All I really want to say is- the bankruptcy court is nothing to be afraid of- they will NOT grill you regarding your debt/rape .Its usually a quick 5 minute hearing- if that- and the court staff are usually very kind. I was treated kindly and with respect- you will be too.

The court will make a bankruptcy order and it will take about 5 minutes- I didnt even see the judge. They fit in bankruptcys between other cases.

The OR will them look at your bankruptcy, reasons, why you took out the debt etc. They are human and usually very fair- please dont feel they will be deliberately horrible to you- they will not.

Dont be scared by the bankruptcy process- I was horribly frightenned by the whole thing but I was never made to feel bad- and neither will you.

I found my County Court and Official Receiver to be kind and helpful- yes- they want explainations but they are not there to punish you.

The bankruptcy process is not as bad as you imagine- please PM me if you need any help-or post on this site- we will all help you. We have all been through this and know how you feel.
Honestly- bankruptcy is not exactly a laugh, but its not as bad as you think it will be

Chihuahua_Mistress

Hi again everyone and thanks for your replies.

My husband does not want to go BR at all as he wants to stay in the Army for his full 22 years and does not want this to affect his career (and neither do I!).

I did not have counselling, although I was seeing a lady from the Victim Support place but they closed down and the next nearest one is just too far away. To be honest I really hate talking about it, it makes me feel sick so I don't know that counselling will really help.

I am worried about accounting for the money though because I really don't know what I spent it all on :-( It seems such an awful lot of money to have nothing to show for it.

I am going to ring the CCCS bankruptcy line tomorrow for advice once my son is asleep, I am not sure what they will say as we are on a DMP with them already, but I was kind of hoping if I went BR that then my husband could ask them to adjust the levels of fuel and food, as at the mo we are only budgeted for £200 per month for food and that includes nappies and milk :-( Don't know if they will allow that but otherwise things are just going to spiral out of control for him and he is doing okay with his debts.

Does anyone know what will happen with regards paying an IPA thingy for me because I have no income?

Also, do they freeze the bank accounts? We have a joint basic one with Nationwide but if it gets frozen we wont be able to pay my hubbys bills.
I have an account with A&L that my child benefit and child tax credit get paid into, I kind of gather that A&L will close that so I am also going to ring up about a co-op cashminder tomorrow as well.

I feel so bad that things have got to this stage :-( The thing is, I know full well now that I really should not have taken out the credit that I did, because I just wasted it all anyway, but also at the time I fully believed I could repay it with ease once I finished Uni, and if it was not for the rape then I would have been able to. I really hate talking about it (is a bit easier online IFYWIM) but I wonder if I mention it if it will make me look a bit less bad or anything? I just don't know if I can handle getting a hard time over it :-(

If I go BR then the only joint debt we have is an old overdraft which obviously will then go to my hubby's name, but there is not much on that compared to the rest anyway.

Will my husband have to take all his stuff to the court or send to the OR or will it just be me?

Thanks again for all your help, it is so scary to be contemplating this but having you all to give advice and knowing I am not alone in going through this helps so much.

xx

wherediditallgo

They absolutely will not give you a hard time about what happened to you. If you don't want to use the 'R' word in your BR paperwork, put 'sexual assault' down instead. They won't ask you any details about that - if it gets talked about at all, it'll just be a concerned OR asking if you've had counselling. I won't harp on about it as I know you don't like discussing it, but I do think you should look into some sort of counselling service - if I hear of anything, I'll PM you with the details.

As for not having anything to show for the money, been there done that. I had in the region of £20k of debt when I went BR. The only things I had to show for it were my household furniture - none of it was expensive stuff, there weren't any designer items of clothing, no wads of money in the bank, no car outside & I hadn't had regular luxury holidays. If I now had 1/10th of the money I spent back then, I'd have a smile on my face the size of the Mersey Tunnel, but we live & learn. The OR will be more than used to see people with nothing to show for the amount of debt they've got, so don't worry about that.

If it's only you going BR, only you'll need to carry paperwork. The only thing you'll need to have with you on the day is your petition & SOA - the OR can get anything else like bank statements etc for themselves or will ask you to send them in separately.

If you have no income, you won't have an IPA to pay unless you're about to start work & can afford it from your surplus income. Don't worry about that for now. When you feel able, post an SOA here & we'll take a look at it for you & make sure you've included everything you should have.

dodecanese

Hi again
Dont worry too much about where the money went- it's a common thing and is usually (in my case anyway) guilt talking. I doubt many bankrupts can say where the money went.

If it helps give you a picture-I "spent" my debts on repeated consolidations and -basically-crap. Ive nothing to show for it and I worried for weeks about accounting for where it had all gone- but I got the feeling from my OR it was nothing he hadnt heard about a thousand times before. At my interview, he never really asked exactly what Id spent it on- it was all very general.

Remember, the courts and the ORs deal with this everyday- they are used to people overspending/getting into difficulty etc- what you and I have done will not be anything out of the ordinary.

As for mentioning the rape- it is a factor in why you eventually went bankrupt, its had a massive effect on your life. But, if you dont feel you can mention it, maybe leave it off the SOA- or add a note saying you feel very uncomfortable speaking about it. The ORs are not insensitive and will certainly not give you a hard time over it.
All the best.

josmidge

Hi

I accompanied my mother in law to her BR hearing and to the official recievers, they were fine about it no problems. My father in law is disabled and is scared of confined spaces, the court was on the second floor so he couldn't use the lift and couldn't use the stairs, the courts are required to make it accesable for all so he did his from home via internet with a member of the court present at his home!!

As for your car if it's on finance the likelyhood is you'll lose it, if it is worth under £1000 or £1500 they will let you keep it, i had a vauxhall frontera at the time and the OR said i could keep it as £1200 wont go very far when i owed 50K

I never had the interview with the OR face to face it was done on the telephone and i didn't speak to him my partner did it all were not even married and our bankrupsy's were separate. I knew exactly where my debts were but the magistrate was lovely and never asked us anything really.

Chin up Mate it's not that bad, it felt like 10 tonne had been lifted off my shoulders when i left the court that day, not pleasant experience but it was definatly for the best

Good luck

JO

direstraites

My dad was a RSM in the army and one of the jobs he did was help junior ranking soldiers deal with there debts,if ur hubby owes a fair ammount then br might be worth while for him aswell so you guys can start afresh :beer:

All he needs to do is ask about it and if it will defo effect his career

Keep ya chin up and us lot will get you guys thru the minefield :beer: