My own debt diary.

Nala

kelie, hun, please please dump your boyfriend. I know it's not easy but you have the support of your family and us 'virtual' lot too.

These betting websites - can you not just cancel the memberships completely?

If you see that, then you need to tell your ex. Not with any expectation or intent of putting anything back together, but to do about the only thing you can to heal his bruises. The best outcome over the house will come about when the 2 of you operate as a team to deal with that problem.

- agree with incisor on this one.

Poosmate

Afternoon all,

Insicor, all he possessed were clothes. He had no need to gather his own material goods when he could use/take/sell other peoples so it didn't take long to throw his stuff into a black bag. He had a car which he said was a company car (hmmm.. he worked for a double glazing firm as a tele sales person - very suspicious).

Nala, I don't consider myself to be brave or strong. I just couldn't live the life I had at that time. I knew my family loved me. I know this sounds bad but, I kind of hoped he'd just kill me and get it over with, my heart and soul had already died 6 month earlier along with my baby. My body was just a shell going through the motions of a sad and sorry life. I'm not brave or strong, I'm not the person I used to be, I no longer welcome people into my life, I have a small circle of old friends and have only made one new friend since the event of 7 years ago (actually it's 8 years now - gosh! Doesn't time fly).

Kelie, please, please dump him. Please don't end up like me. Don't let him destroy your future please.

regards

Poo

kelie

Jesus I'm really sorry to hear what you went through. I had a very long talk with him this morning and explained to him that I can't go on like this.

I gave him the no more drink or you lose me ultimatum so I might as well waved goodbye as I know people can't give it up like that when they have a problem. I told him i cancelled the spread betting account. He wasnt angry which I was actually expecting. As he was leaving for his parents for lunch, he said he loved me and would call me. I went to my parents for lunch instead of moping around and had a really good time. My sister has told me to get a book - The Road less travelled I think it is called. I was reading extracts of it and it is all about love, life and psychology. So my spending no money today might end up spending £6.99.

I do have some good news. My ex is coming back soon and he has agreed we will get the house on the market as soon as he gets back. He's been texting me about doing the house up for sale. And if (BIG if) we get £185k for it we won't actually lose any of our deposit money, so my mum can be paid back, my cc cleared and i will put the rest of the cash away in an account I can't touch because it would be far too tempting to book a holiday, get a car etc etc. I'm planning on renting right in the center of town so I won't need a car anyway and I want to see what happens to the property market, although I am very gutted that I can't buy this house off him.

kelie

I ended up spending a little more than £6.99 as I ordered some alcoholism books too. The new bf turned up at mine last night at around midnight. It was his brothers last night in the country so the family had gone out drinking. He was no where near as drunk as he usually gets, so we had a talk. I asked him if he thought he had a problem with alcohol - he said yes. I said well then you won't mind that I've ordered some books on alcoholism and how to tackle it.

He seemed happy and thanked me for caring. His friend phoned him and had a massive go at him for treating me like this. So fingers crossed things will turn around. If not... then I will walk away for my own sanity.

Lula-Hula

Hi Kelie,

listen to the wise words of Incisor, being male means he has inside info on the male psyche. When a man reckons you're better off without one of his kind, then the picture doesnt get any clearer than that :rolleyes: .

It's your life hon & somtimes it's scarier to travel forwards alone rather than stick with the misery you know.

What I know is that when trying to summon up strength to end a destructive relationship I just couldnt until one night my self respect stood up & said " Either he goes, or I go & although he will probably keep coming back, If I go, I probably wont ever come back. Which of us do you really need to travel with for the rest of your life ?"

Believe in yourself & your right to be treated with respect.

lula

kelie

Thanks guys. I find it so hard. He has been sober all day but I haven't really seen much of him. He came back last night and this morning left to go see his brother off. He went to the gym this evening and went back to his parents. He doesn't drink when he is at his parents.

I'm not trying to change him per se, I just want him to settle down with me. Funny thing is, I had the last bf for 7 years and never wanted to settle down with him. Why is it always the bad guys that I want the most. I had a nice guy.. I treated him like !!!!.

I have come to realise something very important when it comes to money, when I am bored, I shop. Like tonight. I'm in the house on my own, and I thought I'd look on ebay for jewellry. Then I quickly closed the browser and thought no stop it. I was the same when I lived in scotland... everytime the ex boyfriend went golfing, I went to the shopping centre... mind you our mortgage up there was £150 a month between us, so we had spare cash to be able to do it.

kelie

Maybe another reason why I feel the way I do is that because my ex gave up smoking hash for me. He stayed off it for a year and a half, then i dumped him

Poosmate

Hi Kelie, sorry I haven't posted for a while.

I agree totally with Insicor and Lula - very wise words from both.

I guess if you are really hell bent on changing this guy (which to be honest I don't think you will), then all I can do is wish you the best of luck.

The biggest way you will be able to see if he has truly changed at all is if he gets a job and is able to keep it. At least then he should be able to take you out and he won't be able to get plastered every night or be gambling all day!

Those are 3 major changes for anyone to make in their own lives never mind trying to change them in someone elses life. If you really want to do that you are going to have to be so strong and that means "if" he gets a job and "if" he takes you out for a drink YOU have to not get bladdered (drunk) because straight away it sends out the sign that it's acceptable to you and if that happens once you wil never succeed in the changes you want to make in him.

In the meantime, please try to pay some of the debt back to your parents as well as your CC and please don't live today on the money you think you will get fromt he sale of your house. Yes you have some equity but, with the housing market the way it is at the moment you may not sell for a while and maybe not for what you are hoping for.

Being very cynical, you definitely need to stop supporting your bf financially - if he stops at your house and eats there he needs to pay you something even if it's just a tenner a week! I know you probably won't want to hear this but I kind of hope your house doesn't sell for a while because your money is safer where it is atm, stop paying his way for him and see if he'll change and stay.

Hope you get through this.

Poo

kelie

Hi Poo

I agree, the money is untouchable at the moment. Although I did always think that I would put it away in an account so that I can't access it. My new bf doesn't know how much money I have in this house - I thought it would be too personal to tell him and too much of a good reason to stick around if he really doesn't care.

Since the conversation about changing, he hasn't been here as much. Only a couple of days to tell with at the moment I know but still makes the alarm bells ring and makes me very upset. He said he will call me later tonight and come down for the night. He didn't sleep here last night and must admit was very weird having a 3 storey house all to myself... kinda lonely!

Poosmate

Hi Kelie,

You should never be lonely in your own house unless the internet has gone down and the phone line and the tv and you've lost your mobile! lol I doubt all of those things will happen altogether! You do get used to being in a house on your own. Although I wouldn't recommend you get too used to it otherwise it gets a bit harder to have someone around! Anyway, didn't you say your ex will be coming home soon?

As for the new bf, well I think you know the census of opinion around here, only time will tell. Please keep strong, if he's really serious about changing and being with you for you and not your money, he'll buck his ideas up and get a job and he'll be happy to spend night's in with you without you having to spend your hard earned money on him. Tell him you're paying back your mom and dad, if he sticks around then maybe you have something to work with.

I still wish you luck and really hope you're not heading down the slippery slope I ended up on, believe me it's much slippier trying to get back up it!

Speak again soon.

Poo