Financial advice for a divorce

dwsjarcmcd

Like most others on this thread I have been down this route and come out the other side, although me and my ex had our moments! Generally it is accepted that you will need to pay 15% of your salary in maintenance for your daughter and I think your wife will have an expectation of something for her, but this will be reduced because of her earnings and, importantly, the increase in working tax credit that she will get because of her reduced earnings and looking after your daughter. This will be for a fixed term for your wife (mine is 6 yeas) and until your daughter leaves full time education. Like so many, I begrudge not a penny for my daughter (even the school fees, which I also get t pay!) she is an amazing kid and we are closer than ever.
As far as the equity in the house goes, that is far less prescriptive and I came to a financial settlement at an arbitration meeting with our respective solicitors. The solicitors may have different opinions, but they know when someone is taking the p*"s!
One final point, a building society, the Yorkshire Building Society has launched a mortgage product, Fresh Start aimed to help couples seperating. It has an initial 6 months interest free period to help people adjust and the has a fixed rate. There is also a useful guide for people in your situation, which may help answer some of your question. Have a look at https://www.ybs.co.uk

Hope this helps and good luck

mrsdee

that's excellent advice from the previous poster. Yes indeed do make sure it is a clean break and then you will never have to worry about new and increasing demands that your ex could otherwise make during the years you are paying maintenance for your daughter, and it leaves few options open for arguments, which is always good!

My husband and his ex sold the marital home, he gave her his portion of the equity so she could have the house she wanted for her and the children. Although this left him with nothing, it does mean he owns 30% of her house and she has to repay this when children leave education ( or if she remarries or cohabits for 6 months or longer), so it is in a way a good investment, if you can look at it like that! But like you say, your wife should have the sort of home that is appropriate for her and your daughter - 2 or 3 bed.

I wish you good luck and hope you can sort out everything amicably.

filigree_2

How would you both rehouse yourselves if the inlaws weren't in the picture? A modest house each for about £120K - £130K. Realistically that is all you are entitled to. If your wife has a windfall after the divorce you can't access that. If you win the Lottery she can't touch that either! If they get wind that you are making a reduced offer because of their gift they could back off, wait a few months and give her the money after the divorce anyway. She's going to end up living in a posh house regardless so does it matter exactly which posh house she gets? At least this way your daughter is spared the upheaval of moving house.

I would be surprised if the court offered a non-resident parent more than 50%, especially since you can rehouse yourself successfully with that. 50% is £60K, your wife wants £80K. If you go to court to fight over the £20K difference, you might win but have that £20K wiped out by legal costs. By all means offer an equal split because she might accept it for the sake of a speedy resolution. I'm just not sure if it's financially viable to fight to the bitter end for £20K.

Something I noticed is that you have a pension but she doesn't? If you have a pension she has grounds to at least attempt to get a share of it. She could also pursue spousal maintenance. She might get neither, but it would be a costly battle to defend. If you have other, valuable personal assets then that changes the overall picture and she isn't actually getting 70% of your joint assets.

If you both want to avoid costly legal battles but you can't reach an agreement, the other option is to try divorce mediation. It does cost but it's cheaper than going to court. Your local CAB or Relate should be able to suggest a list of local mediation services.

A friend of mine went to Relate for divorce counselling with her husband, she found that it helped them come to a more peaceful decision about what steps to take next. Although it's a very sad time for them she did find that counselling helped them through the process without the terrible arguments they were having previously. Maybe you and your wife could try counselling to help you stay amicable? Just a thought.

Sofa_Sogood

mrsdee wrote:

My husband and his ex sold the marital home, he gave her his portion of the equity so she could have the house she wanted for her and the children. Although this left him with nothing, it does mean he owns 30% of her house and she has to repay this when children leave education ( or if she remarries or cohabits for 6 months or longer), so it is in a way a good investment, if you can look at it like that! But like you say, your wife should have the sort of home that is appropriate for her and your daughter - 2 or 3 bed.

I don't understand this mrsdee. If he was left with nothing, surely nothing means not even owning 30% of her house etc etc ...? And it's a good investment?

I'm not sure if I'm reading it right

Breynia

Trust me...having a legal charge on a house is a good investment. I agreed to my husband having a legal charge on the house to a value of £15,000. (he also had around 70k of assets plus his pension too) It wasn't explained to me that this 15k is subject to an interest rate of 1% above the bank of Englands base rate, so in effect he is earning £65 per month!! This is particularly galling as he is lording it up in the Philippines with his harem and not paying a penny child maintenance. As someone once said, the law is made up BY thieves FOR thieves.

hex2

Just be aware what it costs to get anywhere near financial settlement via the courts. £12k minimum with basic solicitor - more if either decides to be difficult. There is a reason why your solicitor is referred to as a 'fee earner' by his/her boss! FDR will need a barrister as well - minimum 1k for a crap one.

Advice changes daily from solicitors - if you are still speaking get your ex to go to mediation with you. Sounds like she is at least willing to exchange financial information - and the comments of an independent third party may make a difference fairly cheaply, and at least you then know the advice she has been given.Mediator gets you to exchange finacial info, asks what you both want to achieve and gives a guideline of what they belive the law to be.

There is a really good Which book on divorce that is written very much from the low income female perspective but is still useful to show you how a judge may view your case. Saves wasting money on a solictor explaining things you could have read for yourself at least. Ditto the csa website as you can never buy out of your child maintenance obligations.

Good luck. Try not to get so wrapped up in 'winning' and 'entitlement' that you lose perspective about cost and what you are actually trying to achieve. Accept the inevitability that the law is an !!!!!!, and you will inevitably come out worse off post divorce than you were pre marriage. If you fight this to FDR you may spend more than you gain, and to get costs against her for unreasonableness is exceptional and only happens if you go all the way to the end of the course with the legal stuff. Ask yourself who will suffer most in all of this? You, her or child?

The light at the end of the tunnel is that the faster you get out the sooner you can both start again. For a settlement to be fair both parties should feel hard done by!

mrsdee

Sofa_Sogood wrote:

I don't understand this mrsdee. If he was left with nothing, surely nothing means not even owning 30% of her house etc etc ...? And it's a good investment?

I'm not sure if I'm reading it right

What I mean is he walked away with a television set and a video recorder and his car. No cash savings of any type - he couldnt even afford to pay a month's rental in advance for a flat. I mean he walked away with NOTHING whereas she got house, another car, and entire contents of the house that he had paid for.

Whilst she DID in fact have someone cohabit with her for more than six months, she lied and denied it. Probably just as well, as we could have pursued her for the 30% share, she would have had to get a mortgage to pay it off and then the guy left anyway, meaning she would have had to sell teh house as she cant afford a mortgage of that size on her earnings anyway.

Sofa_Sogood

mrsdee wrote:

What I mean is he walked away with a television set and a video recorder and his car. No cash savings of any type - he couldnt even afford to pay a month's rental in advance for a flat. I mean he walked away with NOTHING whereas she got house, another car, and entire contents of the house that he had paid for.

Whilst she DID in fact have someone cohabit with her for more than six months, she lied and denied it. Probably just as well, as we could have pursued her for the 30% share, she would have had to get a mortgage to pay it off and then the guy left anyway, meaning she would have had to sell teh house as she cant afford a mortgage of that size on her earnings anyway.

Right .... just wondered mrsdee.

calmspirit

Just a note while reading this.......

I asked hubby to leave last year, he was not happy to say the least. Only way I could see to get rid of him was to give in and pay him the 60K he wanted (half the value of our house) I had to raise a 90k mortgage on a very small income (ahem dont ask!) He pays me nothing for our 2 kids and walked away with his money and his freedom.

Sometimes we find ourselves in such a situation that we really cant see a way out !

But I didnt even get my freedom as he now comes here daily to see kids and moan about the fact he cant buy a house coz his health deteriorated since split and he now on income support.................I meanwhile work my !!!!!! off to pay mortgage and claim tax credits.

No two break ups are the same and sometimes you have to ignore everyones advice to give yourself peace of mind.....to do what you feel is right. ...in my case I am paying for the guilt I feel about breaking up my 21 year marriage

Hey ho, felt like venting.........do moderators delete this type of post? hee hee!

I supose my point was that every case is different and thats why such differing advice from solicitors

thnaks for lettin me vent lol

Jaki

foreverskint

My oh's ex got the house signed over to her when he left. She was not allowed to have the mortgage in her sole name so he had to stay on there, even though he wasn't paying anything. It has taken 6 years to get his name removed (when she remarried), and now we couldn't afford a house of our own due to the housing prices.

My advice would be to make sure that you are not going to be left in this position, as it is not easy to get a 'second' mortgage. If she wants the house make sure you don't have to stay on the mortgage even only in name. I would also say try and settle on a bit extra but go for the percentage charge on the property, if you can settle this out of the courts, as this bit alon can cost a few thoussand, but may be worth it in the long term.