Financial advice for a divorce

Lost_Prophet_2

I am currently in the process of getting divorced after 5 years of marriage and it is starting to get messy financially. My wife and I have both agreed that we want a divorce and we both agree that we would like to be able to come to a full financial settlement without having to go to court. The financial settlement has to consider our jointly owned home which is worth in the region of £200k with an £80 mortgage, all it's contents worth approx £15k, my company pension and a few other little bits.

I earn £30k a year and my wife earns just £14k a year and she claims she has been advised that because I can potentially borrow £90k for a mortgage and she can only borrow £45k then she wants me to had over the difference of £45k from the equity in the house before we split the remainer 50:50. She claims that this is standard procedure and is known as 'parity of purchasing power'.

I accept that because I am male and because I earn more then I have an obligation to assist my wife in re-homing herself, or more to the point, re-homing our 3 year old daughter. However, I refuse to accept that after just 5 years of marriage it should cost me £45k to boost my wife's purchasing power. Just to make things worse, my wife wants to remain in our current home which is a 4 bed detached house. Now that is hardly what a 28 year old earning £14k a year with one child "needs" to live in. I am going along the lines of her "needing" a 2 or 3 bed semi which costs in the region of £120k so I'll help her to afford something like that.

I have spoken to a few friends and relatives who have recently been divorced and they all have different stories about what conclusions the courts would come to in my case. I was just wondering what the views were of the people in this forum.

Noozan

Lost Prophet, I'm sorry to hear that things haven't worked out for you.

I can understand how you must be feeling and when I first started reading your post; I did begin to think that your soon to be ex wife was being a little unreasonable in asking for 45k. At this point, I did not realise that there was a child to this relationship. I think this changes the angle completely.

This is not legal advice and is just my personal opinion.... It's good that you are trying to sort out the financial side amicably, but if your wife was to take this through the courts, I'm about 95% certain that she would be permitted to remain in the family home until your daughter left full time education. Youwould probably still retain an "interest" in the house ie when it's eventually sold, you'll get x% of the proceeds. You would, of course, still have to contribute finanicially for your daughter. I think the current CSA guideline is 20% of your take home pay but there are reductions if you have daughter to stay over with you on a regular basis.

It is frustrating - when my husband and his first wife split, they were in a similar situation. They had a 4 bed detached house with alot of equity in it and also alot of savings and investments and they too, had a daughter. They also decided to do the financial split amicably and the bottom line is, my husband decided to walk away with nothing. He signed over the house along with all the equity (equity was worth just over £130k at that point) and continued to make the mortgage payments for a while. He also gave up his rights to their savings and all the contents of the house, bar his clothes and his car, which wasn't worth alot anyway as his then wife had the new car. he did all this because he loves his daughter dearly and knew he had an obligation to house and provide for her. His daughter loved living there because she had her own bathroom, a den and a huge garden. He also knew that the divorce itself would be upsetting for his daughter and he didn't want her to suffer any more upheaval at that time. We pay maintenance for his daughter and see her regularly; our relationship with her has been difficult for the past few months but she's now at that difficult teenager age so hopefully, it will pass....

I've just reread what I've typed - I guess I felt how you are feeling now "Why should she get so much etc and why does she need a 4 bed house when we're struggling to find a cardboard box to live in etc?" Ok, slightly exaggerating but you know what I mean!

I can't offer alot in the way of advice and if you think it's going to get sticky, I woul suggest you go and see a solicitor that specialises in family law, if only to put your mind at rest. And you're welcome to come back here any time for a chat/moan/rant/virtual hug!

Jet

i don't know a lot about this but I think you will find that a court would not see it as necessary that your wife and your daughter live in a 4 bedroom detached house.

I think she would be made to downsize to a 2/3 bed property, releasing some of the equity either to pay off the current mortgage or to allocate to you either now or when your daughter is old enough. Realistically, if she stayed in the property you have now, could she afford it's upkeep on £14k salary plus 15% of your income (assuming you will always be able to provide that amount)?

I think it's a popular misconception that because your wife has your daughter that she get's everything. It's not the case.

rchddap1

I would also suggest that you talk to a solicitor about this. Its obvious from your post that your soon to be ex wife has taken such advice. You would be at a serious disadvantage if you did not also do so.

My first instinct is that she is asking for far too much...but I could be wrong. If you sold the house and split the equity equally...she would get £60k. Add that to her supposed purchasing power of £45k and you aren't too far off the £120k you say that she needs. Only £15k off.

Get advice from a solicitor. It looks to me as if she is getting advice from a solicitor...hence the 'parity of purchasing power' comment. You are entitled to do that same before you repond to this offer.

Rikki

When I divorced I got to stay in the family home a 4 bed detatched with the 2 children.
There was negative equity in the property so this helped me keep the family home and I to take on the full responsiblity of the mortgage payments. I was told if the property had a large amount of equity the property would have be sold to release this and I would have to down size as I only needed a 3 bedrooms house.

Rikki

Just thought of something to add.
Firstly: Can your soon to be ex wife afford the mortgage repayments on her own? The mortgage company may not let her take over the mortgage account.
Secondly: How does she plan to pay you your share of the equity in the house if the house is not sold?

Lost_Prophet_2

My soon to be ex-wife is to receive a large amount of money from her parents which will help her to afford to stay in the family home. This means that she can afford to take out a mortgage of about £50k and pay off the existing mortgage and hopefully pay me off a substantial amout too.

I had provided a proposal to her based on her being able to afford a 'reasonable' standard of living in a 2 or 3 bedroomed house and her response was that it is up to her to decide what her standard of living is to be, not me. If that is the case, then why should she think that I have to fund her increased standard of living? Surely the courts wouldn't accept that a woman in her position needs a 4 bed detached house for just the 2 of them.

PS - For those of you that suggested I get legal advise, I have but it has been so varied that I don't know what to belive. The first solicitor I went to see was male and told me that I would expect to recieve 40% of our total assests as an absolute minimum. The second solicitor I saw was female and said that I should prepare myself to walk away with 30% if I am lucky. How can 2 solicitors give such widly different advice? I know divorce law is not black and white but there must be a template that you can follow to get an idea of what you'd walk away with.

rchddap1

If she is getting all this cash why does she need an extra £45k off you? This doesn't appear to be very amicable to me. Please contact a solicitor and they will be best placed to give you advice.

During my OH's divorce with his ex wife she used the old 'give me some money or I'll cut off access to your daughter' routine. A quick letter from the solicitor and she soon found out that she couldn't use that threat.

A solicitor will be able to answer all of these questions and will be able to tell you what exactly both you and your soon to be ex wife are entitled to. Just because you use a solicitor to sort out the financial arrangements, this doesn't mean that this has to go to court to sort out. A solicitor knows all the legal ins & outs and so you will be better placed to sort out a equitable arrangement. They will be able to tell you up to what point you are required to 'und a standard of living for her and your daughter.

This appears to be starting to get out of hand and it would be better for you and your relationship with your ex partner & child if (when she comes to you with demands / requests) you can say, "my solicitor is handling everything you have to talk to them".

NAR

Having been through divorce there are no hard and fast rules. So the variances in opinion from the two solicitors are not suprising. There are also very good divorce solicitors, one of whom you will need if you decide to go this route. Seek advice as to who is the best in your area.

A judge will expect you ex, especially because of the child, to have no less of a standard of living after the divorce. Therefore maintenance has to be taken into account, not only for your child but for your wife. Therefore to pay her a lump sum up front, be it equity of the house or not, is a way of avoiding paying ongoing maintenance for her. However whatever settlement you make, be sure to have it declared as a "clean break" settlement. That means if you came into a lot of money after the settlement she could not seek a share of it.

Good luck, it's a nightmare.

innovate

Have you had a look round divorce.co.uk ?

Breynia

My advice would be not to be greedy. Your solicitor will probably encourage you to go for as much as you can, but at the end of the day your daughters needs are what are important. A stressed out mother with money worries is not in her best interests. It is easier for a man to start over (no worrying about babysitters when you want a night out!)
Remember, the solicitor will want this to go on for as long as possible. At around £150 per hour, the longer the better!