One Wedding and two Families

margaretclare

I think, if it was me, I'd invite who I wanted. It's your wedding after all. There is no law that says you have to invite any family member.

We had a small quiet wedding. It wasn't quite as quiet as DH wanted - his idea was the 2 of us, our minister at church, and 2 friends from church to act as witnesses. And no new clothes etc. We had a little bit more than that, but still, because he wouldn't send out proper invitations only some of his family came - his son and 2 GDs weren't there because they were waiting for an invitation to come through the post. His daughter and stepdaughter came, didn't wait for a formal invitation, they came because they wanted to, and both did a reading for us. No one came from my side of the family, but we had some church friends, and 18 of us had lunch in a local pub/restaurant. As we hadn't long got back from our 'big trip' to North America (soon after 9/11!) we had just a 3-day honeymoon in the Cotswolds.

Stephb1986_2

its your day and you should invite who you want to be there, if you think some people are going to misbehave and spoil your day dont invite them. As for your dad and his new wife leave them to it and maybe when you see them next time you can celebrate then? just so its not awkward

Steph xx

miserly_mum

Why does familiy life have to be so bloody complicated sometimes?

I wouldn't be fussed either way if my Dad and/or his Wife came or not. But I don't think I could actually NOT invite them. Especially as my Mum won't be there either (she died a few years ago.) At least they are guarenteed not to get drunk and cause a scene. Dad is a moderate drinker and his wife is Tea-Total. Thats only so she can watch what everyones doing and not miss anything. Mind you if we had a Saucy Seaside Potcard themed wedding they would be first on the list. Shes the big fat bossy woman and my Dads the skinny little henpecked hubby.


OH's Dad is another matter though. His whole life revolves around drink and the word moderation is not in his vocabularly. I know OH would feel guilty not inviting him though. Maybe we should just tell him its a "dry " reception?

elmer

I had this problem too, my side, everyone divorced ,nobody speaking, lots of step parents, OH family, strictly religious and completely disapproving of me and my family (Still do !) I told all those who we wanted to come what day we were getting married, invited nobody other than my brother to give me away and had a lovely day with 8 guests who loved us enough to turn up.

Do it your way, its your day, invite only those you want and if necesary make clear what kind of behavior you require.

Easier said than done I know, but it is your day and you want to have good memories for the rest of your life, everyone is an adult with choices, especially you.

Good Luck

Elmer xxx

miserly_mum

elmer wrote: »

I had this problem too, my side, everyone divorced ,nobody speaking, lots of step parents, OH family, strictly religious and completely disapproving of me and my family (Still do !) I told all those who we wanted to come what day we were getting married, invited nobody other than my brother to give me away and had a lovely day with 8 guests who loved us enough to turn up.

Do it your way, its your day, invite only those you want and if necesary make clear what kind of behavior you require.

Easier said than done I know, but it is your day and you want to have good memories for the rest of your life, everyone is an adult with choices, especially you.

Good Luck


Elmer xxx

Thanks for all your replies. Its a relief to see i'm not the only one whos had this problem.

Savvy_Sue

miserly_mum wrote: »

OH's Dad is another matter though. His whole life revolves around drink and the word moderation is not in his vocabularly. I know OH would feel guilty not inviting him though. Maybe we should just tell him its a "dry " reception?

Ours was - in our church hall, where alcohol is not allowed. But a word of warning, that didn't stop one of OH's friends bringing a hip flask and giving him a crafty swig. Not that it was a problem for us, but only worth doing a 'dry' reception if people won't turn up tanked / with a private supply.

miserly_mum

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

Ours was - in our church hall, where alcohol is not allowed. But a word of warning, that didn't stop one of OH's friends bringing a hip flask and giving him a crafty swig. Not that it was a problem for us, but only worth doing a 'dry' reception if people won't turn up tanked / with a private supply.

God no .......if it was a dry reception I don't think i'd even go :rotfl:

Just thought if FIL thought there was no drink he might decline our kind invitation. Don't think even he could hide a 12 pack of harp under his jacket :beer:

OH and I like a drink as much as the next person, but it doesn't make us nasty and argumentative and we do know our limit.

I don't mind people getting !!!!ed at the night do, as long as they behave. With FIL i'd be worried he'd turn up for the ceremony half canned.

Savvy_Sue

I confess that at a subsequent reception in that church hall, you could practically get drunk on the fumes from the wedding cake! That was the groom's mother's response to being told her future daughter in law came from a teetotal family. :rotfl:

ailuro2

I'd definitely go for a weddingmoon, take the kids away on holiday and get married while you're there. Have a party for friends and colleagues when you return.

Simple all round and fmaily doesn't have to be invited.

Doing a wedding for under £2K will be worrisome too, very hard to keep under budget.

Much nicer to have a holiday too. Bring some exotic soap back for SIL!!:rotfl:

whitewing

Weddingmoon....what a great word. That's what we're thinking of doing. But now I have a proper word that isn't going to offend anyone when I write out and tell people.

My family can make a mountain out of a molehill. We want them there but don't want the hassle of thinking about it all, and soothing ruffled feathers. So we want to book the church, and go off on holiday. They will be advised of the venue and can come if they want.