8 year old with fears - suggestions on dealing with?

aliasojo

I've got a small issue which I'm a bit on the fence about at the mo' so would appreciate people's opinions.

My youngest (8) has ADD. No biggie, she's not on medication and we and the school deal with it just fine with the help of a healthy diet (scared to mention those words after the school thread in discussion, lol ) and a big dose of Omega everyday.

Problem is that right now they are doing a project on a particular subject that is making her anxious. ADD is not just an attention thing, it can encompass a whole load of other smaller offshoot issues such as problems corrctly identifying tone in your voice and also things like unreasonable fears. Daughter has quite a lot (to say the least) of unreasonable fears. She would avoid any store aisle that had the game 'Operation' on it's shelves as she was scared at the noise the buzzer made. Even if the game was off, sealed in it's box and on an 8 foot high shelf. It's not the kind of throw yourself on the floor and have a fit type reaction....just a look of worry and a 'do we have to go down there' kind of reaction. Easily dealt with and not too much of an issue.

However........this school project is one that is making her anxious when she goes to bed at night. She seems to cope ok in class but it plays on her mind for most of the day and she thinks a lot in bed which then means she gets upset and cries and stays awake for ages before calming down enough to sleep.

She's always been like this and up till now, we've always dealt with this by having a set bedtime routine / story read to her so she goes to sleep on a happy note but nowadays even if we do this, 5 mins afterwards she's up crying so it's not working anymore. I've tried the 'think of other things' tact and also the 'talk about the thing till it's not scary anymore' tact but I often fight a losing battle.

I can easily get referred back the the diagnosing Doc who was great and I'm sure could maybe give me tips on how to combat this but we will wait several weeks for an appointment to come through.

I didn't really want to ask the teacher to exclude her from that particualr lesson as it makes her stand out as different and also I think it's good for her to learn about the topic but I'm at a loss to know what else to try to help her cope tbh. It's an erratic pattern but on the nights she gets wound up, she's going to sleep later and later and is obviously tired and teary (she's an emotional soul generally, lol) the next day.

Any suggestions? I'm not looking for a definitive answer, just maybe an idea I hadn't thought of or thoughts on what you would do if it were your child?

First person that says...don't give her chocolate gets slapped.

Paparika

sorry what is the project?

wornoutmumoftwo

It sounds as if your daughter is getting very distressed, I would have a word with the school about it to see if there is any way they could introduce the subject at a pace that would hopefully waiver her distress, or just give her a small part of this project that she would be comfortable with.

My son has Autistic Spectrum disorder and is not yet in school (deferred one year and only going in part time when he starts/part time at special school too), but I wouldn't like him to be forced into something that made him highly distressed without him being prepared for it and getting the support he needed.

I would definately talk the teacher as it sounds that you have a good relationship with your daughter and are supporting her as much as you can.

Does her teacher understand how distressing this is for her?

Hope this helps.

julesangles

right i am in a similar boat. my child is autistic and he has very similar worries and fears. some are even darker than what you are getting at the moment.
now i am no expert as my DS is nearly 13 and only just got help(last Tuesday) he has been given melatonin to help with sleep, this does not have any other side affects other than making you have more than a natural sleep pattern.
hes had it for a week and its working wonders on him and i have to say after 13 years me too!
i have noticed that this in turn has made him less edgy in the day, making him worry less at night and so on.
thats my first suggestion ask your doctor what he recommends he may or may not give the medication to you, you may find it does not work for your child.
second suggestion again speak to your doctor first, i have given mine Bach flower rescue remedy, they do it in a chewy pastille form and night drop that you can either put on the child's tongue or in their drink, this worked for my child, but before giving your child any medication please speak to your doctor.
third suggestion which i bet you have already tried, is warm baths and lavender on the pillow, even music or white noise in the background when its bedtime (NO TELLY). i believe if you crack the the sleep pattern then you can work out the worries. PM if you like
good luck

aliasojo

Paparika wrote: »

sorry what is the project?

The project matter I feel is largely irrelevent to the question which is why I wasn't specific. Also, we live in a very small place and might be more easily identified if I gave more exact detail.

aliasojo

The teacher is unaware at the moment although I suspect my daughter has had the odd moan or two about it. I expect I will have to broach the subject but sometimes it's hard to know when to help with coping with a situation and when it's best to try to avoid the situation.

As for the medication thing, I really dont want to go down this route unless it ever becomes completely necessary, although I would probably consider natural remedies. She has a lavender microwave bear that smells nice but I suspect does very little to help, lol.

Didn't think about music....that might be a good idea to try, I can imagine she would be calm with low background music filling the silence that usually starts her thoughts going iyswim. I can easily switch the player off when I go to bed or even put it on a timer.

I'll have a chat to her later and guage reaction about that idea....thanks.

Sarahsaver

Whats it got to do with not eating chocolate??? My 8 yo. son has just been diagnosed with aspergers and ADHD. He has some strange fears/aversions which are to do with an over sensitivity to sound and also gets frustrated if things are nto explained to the nth degree.
He loves to cook but cannot stand the texture and sound of flour for example. He used to get very upset about having to do homework and reading because he REALLY struggles with those. Verbally he is a genius (not joking thats what i have been told by the psychologist) but if he had to write down and organise his genius thoughts and words on paper it all gets lost somewhere.
Try not to make too much out of fears, maybe try and make a game of it like 'shall we see if we can get past X without it seeing us'
I do not tae DS shopping very often and certainly not supermarkets, too many stimuli.
If we go out he likes to know what we are going to buy and where we r going to, for example if we need shoes for him then that is just what we do. He doesnt need to come with me to do much else.
PM me if you want a chat. I know what you mean about not wanting to be identified;)

aliasojo

Sarahsaver wrote: »

Whats it got to do with not eating chocolate???

It was a joke. (Mmmmm...is that why my 18 year old sighs and says I'm not funny sometimes?????:rotfl: )

There's a thread about schools and healthy eating where several of us have been [strike]arguing the toss[/strike] discussing the merits of giving or not giving children junk food at lunch time.

Sarahsaver

I am not going there LOL. No discussions for me;)
i have had years of health visitors and behaviour support people not believing me that i do not fill my son with junk food, and them thinking they r clever saying cut this and that out of his diet, well i cant cut it out cos its not there to begin with.

Sarahsaver

i should have said i got lucky that his teacher understands and she said a while back he doesnt HAVE to do the homework

finc

You have pretty much described my 9 year old daughter who is currently being assessed for ASD. It was first picked up for irrational fears and phobias that led to OCD tendencies. We initially saw a child psychologist who helped her find ways to deal with her fears, they haven't gone as there's always more to it with a child with ASD but they are a lot more rational! My daughter would have happily thrown herself in front of a truck rather than be near a speck of dust as she'd built the fear up to such a level

Basically she had cognitive behavioural therapy which has helped to her to the point she can maintain a 'normal' life with the fears. There have been new fears that have replaced the old ones as the subject is irrelevant, but each time we have been able to go back over the CBT to help her deal with them.

Anyway, sorry for all the waffle, maybe you could ask for her to see someone to help her find ways to deal with her fears. CBT may not work for every child with ASD but it's worth a shot