Advice pls for [dissapointing] son who has left girlfriend.

hpsaucey

:mad: this is very personal to me but no one to turn to/
Son has been living with his girlfriend in her rented house for 2 years. For the past 4 months he has been trying to split up with her and cheated on her for 3 months [still to no avail she wouldnt let him leave].[emotional blackmail.] She controlled his wages by getting them paid into her bank account[his was overdrawn through charges] All the bills .rent gas etc was in her name and she was paid monthly and him weekly. so they used his money most of the time and saved what was over at the end of the month. He decided he couldnt take anymore and left and is staying with a mate for now. I sided with her when she came to see me because I heard her side first and seriously fell out with him.
Now after talking to my daughter who endured 3 two hour phone calls from this girl it turns out she was as bad as him in all of this but the problem now is. A. He has no job as he worked for her mother and doesnt/carn't face her and B] He took time off work and she announced that the rest of his wages[over £150] she is keeping to pay her bills and she has £300 savings of his which she is keeping because he CHEATED on her. She has gone from the lovely girl I thought she was to this menace who is threatening to call the police if he goes anywhere near her house for harrassment.I know he has done wrong and as I say I have fallen out with him but if he is not happy with her he cannot make it work. All she is bothered about is how can she pay all the bills on her own as she bought a car for herself knowing his money would help pay for it and enrolled in evening classes, which she says she now cannot afford without his money. I have tried to speak to her but she wont take my calls. Is there anything he can do to get some money from her to live on until he gets a place to live-job etc.,

silvercar

He needs to move back in with you while he sorts himself out. He also needs to get his wages paid into his own bank account to have control of them, or failing that into your account temporarily. Once he had broken the ties to this girl he can decide where he wants to go.

Her home, her car, her evening classes are all her responsibility and if he has lost £150 in wages and £300 in savings, it will be worth it to see the back of her (if that is his wish).

eden37

I would suggest opening a new account with another bank asap to get his wages paid in. If they continue to go into her account he has no chance of getting the money. If he cant face her mum he may need to find another job. I know its hard but you might have to bite your tongue and keep out of their break up as they are both adults now and have to solve their own problems.

Gangstabird

Silvercar & Eden, he doesn't have a job anymore as he worked for her Mother.

HP Saucey, I would put your son up and let him go through this as a lesson learned. There is probably nothing you can do to get the money back.

Just thank the Lord that there are not children involved.

He should stay with you and go and find a job and this time, get his own account.

epz_2

no offence but it aint really that hard to get a new job these days(1million poles proved it), tell him to get a new job and eat the cash lost, we arent really talking a huge sum and treat it a life lesson

Alleycat

The only case he may have that I can see is that of the job. Re unfair dismissal etc/

As a couple I would have also done the same as the ex by getting my OH to pay the money into my/our joint account to stop them getting swallowed up in charges.

Also he's f£cked off and left her with bills she never expected. To take the money off her ex OH is expected. Why should she suffer financially because he decided the grass was greener

SingleSue

epz wrote: »

no offence but it aint really that hard to get a new job these days(1million poles proved it), tell him to get a new job and eat the cash lost, we arent really talking a huge sum and treat it a life lesson

It's not as easy as you believe... ex hubby lost his job at the end of last month and has been applying and being interviewed for umpteem jobs but with no offers. He is not being selective either in his job choice, just applying for everything he can..in the meantime, my maintenance has stopped, his wedding to his new wife is now a struggle (they worked it out on joint earnings and got loans to that effect) and for the first time in his life, he actually understands what depression is (pity he couldn't understand when he was with me and told me it was all in my mind and an excuse to get off work!)

Ok down where I am, yes it is fairly easy to get a job but up where he is is another matter.

* He did get offered a job with his old company when he last came down to visit the children but a 400 mile commute is a little too much!

bobbie78

Are both their names on the lease and all the bills? If so you might want to check the contract and see if you can work something out with the landlord to buy out his half of the rent or something if you can't break the contract yet. Also get his name removed from all the utilities now and council tax etc, assuming these aren't conditions of the lease and that you can break this. Either way I can see why if she has budgeted living where they were why she would be angry if he just walks away from everything leaving her to pay double rent etc than what she's been expecting even if they have been breaking up for months they should have giving a months notice (if they could) and done it that way or just lived out the time they had left like everyone else has to in these situations.

hpsaucey

He had been trying to leave her for months but she kept forgiving him. She lived on her own before he moved in. she admitted to me the other day that she pays cheap rent as the house has something to do with her family[belongs to someone] She insisted her name is on all bills. Never let on to the landlord?? that he was there and she wanted a car to get her to work. He told me she used an ISA to buy it from the carplace she works at [cheap deal] and she says she has it on finance.??As I said he was paid about £300a week she got paid monthly. He went out once a week but did drink in the house. Rent was £400 a month so thats £50 quid a week they were both out all day so gas/electric was about 20 a week so where's the rest gone/. He was responsible for his own bills etc phone and she said he did pay them then she took control of all his money. I am not siding with him or her and he knows he's lost it now but he has to pluck up the courage to speak to her mother to get the rest of his wages[week-in-hand holiday pay etc] before it goes into her account. otherwise he will lose that too. He is staying with a mate as he does'nt want to come home as he is ashamed but i know he is safe and ok.

krisskross

I honestly think there is nothing to be done about the situation now.

Your son needs to get over it and get on. You say he was trying to leave her so had affairs? Presumably so she would throw him out. Well he has what he wanted now. how old is he btw?

I always say never mix business with pleasure and that would include working for a girlfriend's family. If one bit goes sour the whole lot is messed up.

Gorgeous_George

Sounds like they both need to grow up.

Your son should make sure he has no financial ties with her and move on. Life's too short to worry about other people's s**t.

GG