Funeral Costs

Belnahua

I have a friend who does not get on with their sole remaining parent; who is not too well at present.

We suspect (but not 100% sure) there's no money in the estate - mortgaged up to the hilt; and in negative equity with no life insurance. Knowing how they handled money in the past, does not take out insurance as considers it a waste of money.

So if the worst happens, and they're asked to sort out the estate, what happens about the funeral costs etc?

If my friend instructs the funeral directors and solicitors, we they end up with the debt or will it be wiped out with the estate?

So is it best to walk away from this, and deny any responsibility and let the local council sort it all out? Horrible as it sounds, but money is tight and cannot afford debts like this?

Oldernotwiser

Belnahua wrote: »

I have a friend who does not get on with their sole remaining parent; who is not too well at present.

We suspect (but not 100% sure) there's no money in the estate - mortgaged up to the hilt; and in negative equity with no life insurance. Knowing how they handled money in the past, does not take out insurance as considers it a waste of money.

So if the worst happens, and they're asked to sort out the estate, what happens about the funeral costs etc?

If my friend instructs the funeral directors and solicitors, we they end up with the debt or will it be wiped out with the estate?

So is it best to walk away from this, and deny any responsibility and let the local council sort it all out? Horrible as it sounds, but money is tight and cannot afford debts like this?

Personally I feel that paying for a parent's funeral in this situation is akin to supporting any children you may have, ie a responsibility you should fulfil. Others may disagree. However,it seems so easy nowadays to walk away from your responsibilities so no doubt this would be true here as well.

If your friend arranges the funeral then s/he is the customer and the cost of it falls to her and not to the estate. If your friend is on benefits then I believe that there is help available. Funerals don't need to be that expensive.

Gillianh2

Why doesnt your friend take out some kind of funeral pre pay plan now to pay.
BTW I wonder if your friend would feel so annoyed if they find out that the house is not mortgaged to the hilt.:rolleyes:
As a foot note if house is mortgaged I would imagine that there will be life policys in force as I am sure this would be a condidtion of the mortgage etc;

I think that paying for a funeral for a parent is not a big deal. Its the final thing you can do for them. You never get the chance to give them a birthday christmas card or even talk to them. You only get one Mother/father treasure them. Coz boy will you miss them when they are no longer there.

I would walk over hot coals to talk to my Mum and Dad one last time.

floss2

Gillianh2 wrote: »

....I would walk over hot coals to talk to my Mum and Dad one last time.

Me too.

Does your friend or their parent get any benefits? As some entitle the claimant to some financial assistance in the event of a funeral. Check out http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/index/life/benefits/help_for_people_on_a_low_income_-_the_social_fund.htm#funeral_payments for more advice.

Floss x

Belnahua

They work full time, but have just got themselves on an even keel financially.

As for the earlier comments about responsibility etc Please don't judge other people's relationships. Respect and responsibility is a 2 way street. How do you know they weren't abused?

The only reason they are concerned, is that there are family heirlooms they want to retrieve and make sure they're not housecleared. More for sentimental reasons than monetary value.

So you can see the dilemma here!

But please will you all pack it in judging people's relationships with other members of their families. It is not for you to judge, nor comment on, especially if you do not know the people concerned.

geri1965_2

So your friend doesn't want to pay for the funeral - fair enough, hopefully they will have the same principles should any inheritance come their way and refuse to accept it.

Oldernotwiser

Belnahua wrote: »

They work full time, but have just got themselves on an even keel financially.

As for the earlier comments about responsibility etc Please don't judge other people's relationships. Respect and responsibility is a 2 way street. How do you know they weren't abused?

The only reason they are concerned, is that there are family heirlooms they want to retrieve and make sure they're not housecleared. More for sentimental reasons than monetary value.

So you can see the dilemma here!

But please will you all pack it in judging people's relationships with other members of their families. It is not for you to judge, nor comment on, especially if you do not know the people concerned.

If your friend were abused then I doubt she'd want anything from their house, whether heirlooms or money. Responsibility isn't necessarily a 2 way street between parent and child; it just exists.

You were the one that said it sounds horrible; you were right the first time. If you ask for people's views on a public forum you must be prepared for differences of opinion; if everybody had said that your friend was quite right to ignore her responsibilities you'd've thought we were all offering really good advice.

dawna_2

Belnahua,
If the estate has sufficient assets, the funeral bill will come out of the estate. It is one of the first calls on the estate.

If there is insufficient money in the estate, then the funeral costs must be borne by whoever gave instructions to the undertaker unless there is benefit help available.

However, you mention that the friend may take things from the house.

This is quite dangerous if there is insufficient money in the estate to meet outstanding liabilities. The creditors may try to argue that whatever was removed had some monetary value, and should have been sold to repay the debts.

Your friend needs to be careful.


Margaret, I am sorry you have fallen out with your remaining daughter, but it can hardly come as a surprise. You have fallen out with, argued with, and upset so many people on this board, it is difficult to keep count.

You critisise your daughter constantly on a public forum, and say some truly dreadful things about her. No wonder you upset her.

margaretclare wrote: »

In relation to her paying for my funeral I'd rather she wasn't even there. I'

I would be absoloutely devastated if I thought my own mother would post such a thing. How dreadful.

MissHobit

geri1965 wrote: »

So your friend doesn't want to pay for the funeral - fair enough, hopefully they will have the same principals should any inheritance come their way and refuse to accept it.

My thoughts exactly, can't see it though somehow, can you?

floss2

margaretclare wrote: »

.....In relation to her paying for my funeral, hell will freeze over first. I'd rather she wasn't even there. I've seen this happen before, people like her Dad and her sister whom she didn't want to speak to, floods of tears once they'd died. I'd rather have a pauper burial with no one there, than to have that.

But you won't know if she pays or not...or if she attends or not.....as you will be dead. People are allowed to show their grief even when they have had a falling out - it's not forbidden. Maybe she doesn't want to talk to you if she is aware that you have that attitude towards her.

sloughflint

Belnahua wrote: »

The only reason they are concerned, is that there are family heirlooms they want to retrieve and make sure they're not housecleared. More for sentimental reasons than monetary value.

If there is no estate or even if there is debt, couldn't they a) either pay for the sentimental heirlooms so that the estate contains funds ( to pay for the funeral /debts) or b) just simply pay for the funeral.

Option a) guarantees they get the sentimental goods.