List Of The Dead And Their True Csa Hell

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Child Support
59 replies 25.7K views
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  • Loopy_GirlLoopy_Girl Forumite
    4.4K Posts
    Oooh JN will be delighted that this thread is still going - exactly what he wants.

    No, I don't know best. Those comments (if you can be bothered to read correctly) were aimed at the selfish pigs that commit suicide and leave their children without a father. At no time did I defend any PWC who stops the NRP wanting contact with their children.

    Get your facts right and direct your anger to someone else - preferably your ex where it is deserved.

    But since you ask, men that go on the dole to avoid paying CSA? wow, they are REAL men eh? NOT
  • war1974war1974 Forumite
    4 Posts
    Loopy_Girl wrote: »
    Oooh JN will be delighted that this thread is still going - exactly what he wants.

    No, I don't know best. Those comments (if you can be bothered to read correctly) were aimed at the selfish pigs that commit suicide and leave their children without a father. At no time did I defend any PWC who stops the NRP wanting contact with their children.

    Get your facts right and direct your anger to someone else - preferably your ex where it is deserved.

    But since you ask, men that go on the dole to avoid paying CSA? wow, they are REAL men eh? NOT

    well i did read what you said and i was trying to say that i had considered suiside due to the fact that as a #nrp you not only lose your flesh and blood but also are hit with stupid CSA payments which theoretically cease your own life!
    also if the mother is willing to sit on her backside doing sod all then yes i would rather be on the dole than giving half my wages to the government why should it not make anyone a REAL man? lets face it most of the CSA monies collected DONOT go to the children!

    trust me i gave up on anger a long time ago but MOTHERS or PWC lets face it there are very few men who actually get any form of custody then stop ex's seeing there children it CAN drive even the most SANE of people to consider or commit suicide!

    maybe if you experience the pain and anguish some people go through then you would understand it more!

    my ex stopped my children from having thier biological father in their lives so does that not have the same effect as if i was DEAD?
  • Loopy_GirlLoopy_Girl Forumite
    4.4K Posts
    Oh I do have pain and but it is just in different form. My daughter's father wants nothing to do with her - how do you think that makes me feel? Pretty !!!!!!! sh1tty actually and there is nothing I can do to change that. (unless I dress up as Batman and climb the Houses of Parliment..oh no hang on, there isn't a Mother's for Justice. silly me) But do I consider suicide? errr no.

    And no it doesn't mean you are dead. Because in x amount of years they can come and look for you and you can prove with all your court corre and CSA payments that you DID care and they can make their own mind up.

    And of course your CSA money goes to her. She may only get a certain amount as she is on benefits but the excess goes back into the pot to counter balance the benefits she is claiming. And the children do benefit from the money. They have to eat and wear clothes and keep warm amongst many other things.

    Yes some NRP's are shocking but I also agree that some PWC are too. I have absolutely no time for PWC who stop NRP's having contact. Unless the child is at risk by seeing the NRP then there is no need for it. Relationships break up but it doesn't mean that a child shouldn't have 2 parent's in it's life.
  • enemesenemes Forumite
    909 Posts
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    ✭✭✭
    war1974 wrote: »
    trust me i gave up on anger a long time ago but MOTHERS or PWC lets face it there are very few men who actually get any form of custody then stop ex's seeing there children it CAN drive even the most SANE of people to consider or commit suicide!

    maybe if you experience the pain and anguish some people go through then you would understand it more!

    my ex stopped my children from having thier biological father in their lives so does that not have the same effect as if i was DEAD?

    Hi War?

    Thought I would get my tuppence in here, if I may. As ever these issues are much more complicated than what appears on the surfaces.
    ... seems strange that there are alot of women on here!

    As a bloke, who has full custody ( or residence, as it is called in British courts) I can assure you that there are also women who play nasty also ... give up their jobs so they don't pay the CSA. My ex is a prime example. In nearly three years I have recieved TWO payments from her, totalling the grand sum of about £78. ( She earns £330/week) And do you know what? ... I don't give a hoot! Why ..? Because I am playing straight into her hands. In ten, fifteen years or however long it takes, my children will be old enough to ask their 'mother' why she didn't financially contribute to their upbringing.

    You see ... you are in a strong position, although you don't see it right now. Clearly your vision is blurred with an obsessed anger towards your ex. Although you think that you have been denied your children just now, it wont last for ever. When they are old enough to be curious and want to make their own judgements, you will be able to show them that you paid £25k in courts to see them and that you had provided for them every month also. They will see that their mother for what she is also. It may seem a million miles off right now, but your kids will see the facts for themselves in the future, though it wont seem soon enough for you.

    Loopy Girl is right in what she says ... suicide is selfish, and it takes many aspects of ones life to come together at the same time to want to contemplate it. I did once ... to get out of the awful marriage I was in ... pretty desperate actions, until someone merely suggested that I should leave, with the kids. Duh! How simple was that! So ... by killing yourself now, how are you going to be about in the future when your kids see the light and want to thank you for always having been there for them.

    I get the impression that this is more about getting back at her, and denying her the poxy extra £5/week she gets.
    ...turned against me by the mum and new daddy

    .... you are not doing yourself any favours. Give your children credit and just remember that YOU are the daddy ... he's not 'new', just a temporary replacement!
    :wave:
  • Loopy_GirlLoopy_Girl Forumite
    4.4K Posts
    Wise words indeed Enemes and I agree wholeheartedly with you :)
  • enemesenemes Forumite
    909 Posts
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    ✭✭✭
    Mercian wrote: »
    My experience of the CSA (I'm a single dad btw) is that they do try but their procedures seem designed to be slow...like trying to run over a weasel with a glacier. My ex girlfriend made one payment of £50 and that was it. She makes no effort to see her son. (or daughter by previous r'ship according to that dad) I agree that there are other issues at work in some of these suicides etc... My ex left/got sacked from her work and so the IR has to do a trawl to see if she turns up anywhere else...the CSA in cases like these should be waving the stick and demanding the info...it only takes a call to update the CSA. After all those without the kiddies have more time than those of us who do (I work as well) Its an offence not to give info to the CSA and but when I suggested using that option to concentrate my ex's mind they seemed reluctant to do it. My option now is to use the Small Claims Court, both for the arrears and the court costs she was ordered to pay.

    Hi Mercian

    The basic facts are, no matter what info you give the CSA, they will fail to use it correctly. As for the Small Claims Court, don't waste your time and expense, as they won't touch it ... it will get referred back to the CSA cycle ... which is probably the only thing that works, the CSA cycle!
    After all those without the kiddies have more time than those of us who do (I work as well)
    ...erm, I wouldn't be too sure about that. If she didn't bother about her first child. let alone her second, then really what she does in her own time is nothing to do with anybody - quite clearly she just thinks of herself only, in extreme. They may have MORE time, but we have QUALITY time!
    :wave:
  • war1974 wrote: »

    i hope they all lose there jobs when the agency is shut down!!!


    :mad:


    As an unfortunate member of staff, I do hope so, then I can enjoy a life on income support and my extra tenner child maintenance premium to spend on cheap fags and vodka (btw - that was a joke for anyone with a sense of humour bypass).

    But, i suspect, i'll be stuck there forever, while it changes its name and spends loads of money on another crap computer system, rebranded stationery and badges!

    Me, cynical!?!
  • ANNIEHAHAANNIEHAHA Forumite
    460 Posts
    Having gone through depression and anxisty over the last two years I know the feeling and darkness it leaves you in
    We also have CSA arrears and constantly recieved letters asking us to pay huge lump sums and monthly what would leave us penniless

    put these two together and I had both and I see how it pushes you over the edge, add to this fathers not being able to see kids or only for a limited time, life can be very lonely

    the fathers leave the women NOT the children (I am talking about the ones that are there and want to pay)

    When these dads are on their own evenings and weekends with no money or company I can understand

    MENTAL HEALTH is a serious problem and relentless targeting of dads who are there for their kids WILL sometimes tip them over the edge

    There are always two sides, this is mine, married to a dad, being penalised, while she claims, works, goes on holidays and has even lived in a boyfriends house and had his mortgage paid and yet they dont seem to be catching her at it even though they know!
  • MipsMips Forumite
    19.8K Posts
    ANNIEHAHA wrote: »
    Having gone through depression and anxisty over the last two years I know the feeling and darkness it leaves you in
    We also have CSA arrears and constantly recieved letters asking us to pay huge lump sums and monthly what would leave us penniless

    put these two together and I had both and I see how it pushes you over the edge, add to this fathers not being able to see kids or only for a limited time, life can be very lonely

    the fathers leave the women NOT the children (I am talking about the ones that are there and want to pay)

    When these dads are on their own evenings and weekends with no money or company I can understand

    MENTAL HEALTH is a serious problem and relentless targeting of dads who are there for their kids WILL sometimes tip them over the edge

    There are always two sides, this is mine, married to a dad, being penalised, while she claims, works, goes on holidays and has even lived in a boyfriends house and had his mortgage paid and yet they dont seem to be catching her at it even though they know!

    Annie don't even feel you need to justify your story.

    Only sick and twisted people on here would sneer at the tragic loss of lives in the OP.

    They know the ins and outs of everything, call themselves Mothers?

    People like that don't deserve children. Lets hope their Sons are never found dead, that would wipe the smiles off their faces.
    :cool:
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