List Of The Dead And Their True Csa Hell

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Child Support
59 replies 25.7K views
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  • hera123hera123 Forumite
    22 Posts
    ebegee wrote: »
    It is YOU that has no clue.

    I have read this thread with interest. Clearly a very emotive subject.
    As someone that has been through this trauma, i can assure you this. I am not a coward and nor am i selfish. I was driven to do what i tried to do, by the csa. Strong words you may say. But they were true in my mind.
    I have three children with my ex, and i tried to pay what i could for my kids each week. I never wanted the split, and I felt very bitter about it. But it happened and i became a weekend father, through no fault of my own.
    I was earning £875 a month in my job. My rent was £380, i was earning too much for housing and council tax benefit. add the gas and electric. TV licence, travel, phone etc etc .. Not an awful lot left is there i thought .. csa wanted £300 a month out of me.
    I had no life and more to the point my ex in her vindictive way, poisoned my children against me. So visits to me became less and less too.
    Some other man became my childrens father. and me i was supressed by the system to exist and nothing more.
    In my mind at the time. i was worthless.
    and that is why i attempted the ultimate act.

    I am still here to tell the tale. I have not seen my children for a year.
    Im really glad to see a man on here making a stand for himself:T , as a woman I feel dreadfully ashamed of how my own sex can carry on sometimes using children to score points. What you have quoted regarding your children often happens to a great deal of men who are decent and try their best. I never disputed that there are some not so considerate, but sometimes the good go down with the bad and unfairly so.
    It seems rather a lot of bitterness arises with these vindictive ex's, when the parent with non resident care goes on to meet someone else, moves in with them or has another child. Infact, parts of your story are very similar to that of my partners, who has gone on to meet myself three years after his separation. We are both very happy with each other and I do hope this has not put you off of us females, like the men, we are not all rotten to the core. Have faith that your children may one day want to make contact with you in the future, where there is a will there is a way. Good luck for the future and im glad you lived to tell the tale...
  • Loopy_GirlLoopy_Girl Forumite
    4.4K Posts
    Now some people could call me cynical but how coincidental was it that a new poster stumbled upon this site and then shares to us that he wanted to commit 'the ultimate act'...is that the ulitimate act of selfishness? or more likely is it someone in to add fuel to the arguement that has been 'guided' to the board.......
  • ebegee wrote: »
    It is YOU that has no clue.

    I have read this thread with interest. Clearly a very emotive subject.
    As someone that has been through this trauma, i can assure you this. I am not a coward and nor am i selfish. I was driven to do what i tried to do, by the csa. Strong words you may say. But they were true in my mind.
    I have three children with my ex, and i tried to pay what i could for my kids each week. I never wanted the split, and I felt very bitter about it. But it happened and i became a weekend father, through no fault of my own.
    I was earning £875 a month in my job. My rent was £380, i was earning too much for housing and council tax benefit. add the gas and electric. TV licence, travel, phone etc etc .. Not an awful lot left is there i thought .. csa wanted £300 a month out of me.
    I had no life and more to the point my ex in her vindictive way, poisoned my children against me. So visits to me became less and less too.
    Some other man became my childrens father. and me i was supressed by the system to exist and nothing more.
    In my mind at the time. i was worthless.
    and that is why i attempted the ultimate act.

    I am still here to tell the tale. I have not seen my children for a year.
    Must not feed the troll :rolleyes: you just stumble your way into this thread then.
    Hit the snitch button!
    member #1 of the official warning clique.
    :D:j:D
    Feel the love baby!
  • hera123 wrote: »
    tut, tut, well the quote certainly amused our household thats for certain, although a rather adolescent remark to say the least. Therefore I shall leave you to your lonely inner quest and to wave the bitterness banner with pride:T .
    :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: Priceless
    Hit the snitch button!
    member #1 of the official warning clique.
    :D:j:D
    Feel the love baby!
  • kelloggs36kelloggs36 Forumite
    7.7K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    ✭✭✭✭
    ebegee wrote: »
    It is YOU that has no clue.

    I have read this thread with interest. Clearly a very emotive subject.
    As someone that has been through this trauma, i can assure you this. I am not a coward and nor am i selfish. I was driven to do what i tried to do, by the csa. Strong words you may say. But they were true in my mind.
    I have three children with my ex, and i tried to pay what i could for my kids each week. I never wanted the split, and I felt very bitter about it. But it happened and i became a weekend father, through no fault of my own.
    I was earning £875 a month in my job. My rent was £380, i was earning too much for housing and council tax benefit. add the gas and electric. TV licence, travel, phone etc etc .. Not an awful lot left is there i thought .. csa wanted £300 a month out of me.
    I had no life and more to the point my ex in her vindictive way, poisoned my children against me. So visits to me became less and less too.
    Some other man became my childrens father. and me i was supressed by the system to exist and nothing more.
    In my mind at the time. i was worthless.
    and that is why i attempted the ultimate act.

    I am still here to tell the tale. I have not seen my children for a year.

    The figures you have quoted MUST have included arrears, as your actual weekly maintenance would have been £27 on CS1 and £30 on CS2. So, either you didn't pay, or the CSA caused a delay which made arrears build up - now either way you will have been aware of your liability, but failed to save up for it or put some by (even if you didn't have any idea how much it would be - putting away even £20 per week would have reduced the arrears considerably). We don't have the full story here. For some reason, you were paying the full 40% of your net income, due to arrears and no other reason.

    I am merely pointing out that the CSA would not have demanded £300 per month for the full time of the case - only in order to recover arrears which were due, so it would not have lasted forever.
  • ebegeeebegee Forumite
    6 Posts
    kelloggs36 wrote: »
    The figures you have quoted MUST have included arrears, as your actual weekly maintenance would have been £27 on CS1 and £30 on CS2. So, either you didn't pay, or the CSA caused a delay which made arrears build up - now either way you will have been aware of your liability, but failed to save up for it or put some by (even if you didn't have any idea how much it would be - putting away even £20 per week would have reduced the arrears considerably). We don't have the full story here. For some reason, you were paying the full 40% of your net income, due to arrears and no other reason.

    I am merely pointing out that the CSA would not have demanded £300 per month for the full time of the case - only in order to recover arrears which were due, so it would not have lasted forever.

    Hello Kellogs, yes you dont have the full story.
    It is long and complicated, and the csa failed me badly.
    They have lost forms, taken months to make decisions, have said i have not paid when i had proof i did. The list goes on and on with their incompetence.
    I am not blaming the csa 100% but i am just saying that in my case and others it is a large percentage and enough to do damage.

    I certainly did not deserve flaming for my first post, from people that lurk on forums such as this to make spitefull hateful comments to complete strangers, and have no understanding of what its like in the first place.
  • hera123hera123 Forumite
    22 Posts
    ebegee wrote: »
    Hello Kellogs, yes you dont have the full story.
    It is long and complicated, and the csa failed me badly.
    They have lost forms, taken months to make decisions, have said i have not paid when i had proof i did. The list goes on and on with their incompetence.
    I am not blaming the csa 100% but i am just saying that in my case and others it is a large percentage and enough to do damage.

    I certainly did not deserve flaming for my first post, from people that lurk on forums such as this to make spitefull hateful comments to complete strangers, and have no understanding of what its like in the first place.
    I agree with you totally!, out of curious interest I scratched below the surface with these hardcore individuals, having reading some old threads of theirs. It's amazing how the jigsaw all falls into place regarding why some of these spitefull and hateful comments are made, as you also quite rightly quoted to complete strangers!!. ( "please have a read of some of the old threads and you will see what I mean") It's such a shame as these forums can be used in a real constructive way. I would ignore the flaming if I was you, after all they are forgetting there is also life off of here. If I ever get to a few thousand post counts!, please remind me of this..
  • Loopy_GirlLoopy_Girl Forumite
    4.4K Posts
    There is life off of here and yet you have time to sit and read through certain individuals old posts?!!!!

    Full of contradictions there then eh?
  • hera123 wrote: »
    I agree with you totally!, out of curious interest I scratched below the surface with these hardcore individuals, having reading some old threads of theirs. It's amazing how the jigsaw all falls into place regarding why some of these spitefull and hateful comments are made, as you also quite rightly quoted to complete strangers!!. ( "please have a read of some of the old threads and you will see what I mean") It's such a shame as these forums can be used in a real constructive way. I would ignore the flaming if I was you, after all they are forgetting there is also life off of here. If I ever get to a few thousand post counts!, please remind me of this..
    Awww you went to all that bother to read my post history, could have saved yourself a lot of bother if you has just asked ;) it's certainly no secret.

    :shocked: look i've added yet another post to my many others :rotfl:
    Hit the snitch button!
    member #1 of the official warning clique.
    :D:j:D
    Feel the love baby!
  • My experience of the CSA (I'm a single dad btw) is that they do try but their procedures seem designed to be slow...like trying to run over a weasel with a glacier. My ex girlfriend made one payment of £50 and that was it. She makes no effort to see her son. (or daughter by previous r'ship according to that dad) I agree that there are other issues at work in some of these suicides etc... My ex left/got sacked from her work and so the IR has to do a trawl to see if she turns up anywhere else...the CSA in cases like these should be waving the stick and demanding the info...it only takes a call to update the CSA. After all those without the kiddies have more time than those of us who do (I work as well) Its an offence not to give info to the CSA and but when I suggested using that option to concentrate my ex's mind they seemed reluctant to do it. My option now is to use the Small Claims Court, both for the arrears and the court costs she was ordered to pay.
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