Hubby is Spendaholic - Help Please!!!!

REDMADCURLS

Tried to reply yesterday -but it got lost in the www. ether!!
My mother has always recommended a private slush fund and yes I am going to do it - she also pointed out that OH has nothing to worry about because his 'mum' ie me looks after everything and pays all the bills so he can just stick his head in the sand.
She also told me to forget about being a nag - just tell him how it is and if considers that nagging - so be it!!!!
So ladies I think I need to keep posting and would appreciate any support/advice out there. I think I already said I am keeping a diary so I am hoping to reduce spending by £1000 (at least) in May by watching what he spends and other little things like tesco on line etc (so he doesnt need to go to shops)
Thanks again for all the comments, very much appreciated - tallyhoh going back to read your posts now. Dee-Dee keep me posted with your attempts

RMC

GeorgeUK

Well done RMC - now you have a plan - hopefully both of you can stick to it.

Ask him to keep a spending diary too to help with the budgeting. When i did mine, every morning i'd write down how much i was taking out with me, every item i bought and every transaction i made at a cashpoint. Still didn't always add up, but it also kept me thinking about how much i was spending so was always aware that i shouldn't be wasting money.

If you have no joy in the next few months, it could be time for the knee-jerk talk as i call it. Hopefully he'll have a at least a little light-bulb-moment and will be taking some responsibility for his actions.

Sue-UU

Good for you RMC .....and good for your Mum, she obviously has him sussed too!

George gives a good idea when he says about your OH keeping a spending diary, it would certainly prove his worth as well as making him take responsibility and perhaps finally realising what he's doing to you both too!

Good luck.

Sue

cwp500

This is serious. It is very easy to get into a debt spiral with so many companies making it easy to buy credit.
Please dont be offended but is his excess spending some sort of rebellion against you or some unspoken work or social pressure(s)? It is not always the obvious reason why someone tears around indulging in retail therapy.

I am aware of one man who secretly flushed hundreds of pounds away into one armed bandits and motorway service fruit machines. He felt powerless in his marriage and the buzz from the very very occasional increased his self esteem even though he hated himself for spending his kids money.

If there is any hidden reason for his behaviour then equally secretive behaviour by you if you stash money around makes you into a bad guy and may even present him with the justification he seeks in spending recklessly.

Assuming you are both adult, reasonable people you have to tell him how bad its making you feel and not protect him from himself. A monthly budget that you both set has to be agreed and perhaps only you should be in control of the purse strings; including when to spend credit and when to use cash.

If it helps let him read the support you are getting on this page, perhaps it will make him see how desparate you in turn have become by turning to total strangers for support on this matter.

Treating this grown man like a wayward child may only mean you end up bankrupt with an irretrievably bad credit rating.

He has to realise what his behaviour is doing to his marriage.

Quietgirl

I might get shot down for saying this but my mother always tells me "if you have a good man blind him in 1 eye, if you have a bad man blind him in both eyes." kinds of means don't let em know owt, or let them know only what you want them to know.

I am happily single LOL.

Sue-UU

I can easily see her point, though like me, I'm sure she doesn't mean it literally, just as a means of protecting YOU! We Mums have all sorts of ways of trying to keep our youngsters safe and free from worry. So, no shooting down from me, I understand her well!

Sue

tirednewdad

REDMADCURLS wrote: »

Hi

We have just managed to sort out our finances and get debt free (mainly due to a planned remortgage which was always the plan when we bought house 2 years ago - this allowed much needed work done to house and debt cleared (not what Martin recommends I know but anyways)

Yesterday I decided to go thru bank accounts and see just what our money goes on!
OMG I knew my hubby could spend but I was shocked. Our DDMS and Mortgage cost £2000 almost - so far this month £5000 spent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sat hubby down - showed him eg £160 on Lottery is excessive. He spent £140 in Maplins (Techie store) and £119 in Halfords and cant remember what he bought!!

Thought I got thru to him - today he went to Tesco to get bread and spent £60!!!!
So now realizing our 'chat' last night didnt work

How can I curb his spending without acting like a battleaxe?

Ta
RMC

PS He is self employed and gets most of his money in cash!!!!!!!!

was having a very similar problem with my wife. I started looking into our finances after i started my new job to find out we were overspending by £350 per month.
I sat my wife down to discuss the position we were in and she seemed very understanding. The next day she came home with a new 32"colour tv costing nearly £1000! as she though the old one looked a bit big (43")!
I took it back the next day.

I again sat down with her and reexplained- i told her how much it was costing per year ( this was really scary). She seemed to get it but still not 100%

Since then i have looked at our budget every month and sat down with her to see what was spent and to try to form a budget for next month. By getting her more involved in the actual budgetting- she has become even better than me at it. perhaps try involving him more.
We now know that every month we have £20 to spend on the garden, so that is all we spend.

Another way to save (?) on the lottery cause he is gonna do it anyway, is to get him to sign up on line with the lottery. that way a direct debit goes out of the account and he has entered the lottery with out being tempted to buy more tickets.

Perhaps if you explain his overspend in terms of units of things he likes?- for instance if he likes cycling- explain that if he didn't overspend like he did he could have bought 9 of the latest type of bikes over this year.

As for the direct cash most banks have secure post boxes where you can deposit money even if the bank is closed

If all of that fails then take the battle axe approach- hope that helps

REDMADCURLS

Another way to save (?) on the lottery cause he is gonna do it anyway, is to get him to sign up on line with the lottery. that way a direct debit goes out of the account and he has entered the lottery with out being tempted to buy more tickets.

Thats what he has to stop because it was all too easy to transfer from current account instantly - so now he is going to go out and BUY them - operate in cash (for this thing)

Had written a long reply and then lost it so will briefly say that my work seems to be getting thru to him.

Have made some alterations to accounts and saved a bit - he laughed at how happy I was and so I am hoping that will have a good impact - he says he gets most joy from seeing me happy!

As for the stash - may be wrong to some but I am doing it - he wont even notice because he has no interest in finances - just spending.

Have a great MS day folks

RMC