Living My Dreams - My New Happy Diary!!

hypno06

Pop back, Sea, just to let us know you are ok, although if you need a break from us weirdos, then that is understandable :cool:

Sea78

Hi all - sorry I've been gone a while - thanks Seaxwyn for the FB message.

Well, update time I guess- ISOM - had drs app tonight, went ok, discussed PMT issues and stuff and have now got to track the moods etc and then take less dose on the last 2 weeks of cycle, and the double dose on the other two weeks, but need to get accurate dates first! Had a good chat - no alcohol is a good move, but he said the odd glass won't hurt if it helps to stop blow outs!

OH and I had another huge row - he got very drunk on very strong lager yesterday at a Christening we went to - I came home with the kids and then he came home about 2 hrs later. He went straight to bed (about 9pm) before getting up at 10.30pm and just went into a tirade of abuse for an hour and a half. Culminating in him saying he was going to go for the kids for full custody (no, I didn't know we were splitting up either) and I was an unfit slack mother, among a lot of other deeply hurtful comments and accusations.

I didn't get to sleep til beyond 2am ish as obviously couldn't sleep after this - so I spent the time cleaning the house. He took the day off work and has been really apologetic and grovelling and is sorry, but I thought we'd done with this all. He's now going to only drink twice a week (yeah, like he said 4 months ago). He also told me that all his friends think I'm mad, blah blah blah - I really believed I'd done something terrible at the Christening that I'd blocked out - again me thinking I'm the one to blame but turns out of course I did nothing (I wasn't drunk and remember everything, but once you've heard something so many times you begin to believe it). He doesn't remember any of this.

I thought things were getting so much better.

I've been away from the boards as I was doing a cyber crop on a scrapping website - had great fun, but again OH ruined it last night with loads of stuff about that too

He seems to think that if he apologises enough and buys me things (with bloody credit) that that's ok - yep, sure treat me like !!!!!, but buy me things and of course I'll be happy.

The scrapping has been helping me a lot - calms me down etc. I'm enjoying learning new techniques and stuff, but I feel down when I'm ridiculed about it later on. He is sorry about that too (of course!) as he seems to quite like me doing it and seems to like the resulting pages. What hurts even more is that I started on our wedding pics this weekend. Ah well, it'll take a while, but hopefully things will improve.

I dont' really know what else to say. I'm not at the leaving stage yet - thought I was, but no.

Sorry I've not been on - will try and be on -think I've put myself off with thediary title - not feeling very positive.

I do hope all are ok.

Sea xxxxxx

Lemon_Tree

hi Sea, sorry to read your message, i hadn't been able to find your thread recently but hadn't forgotten about you. glad you are finding some respite in your life in the scrapping. It was the only good thing about my weekend to be honest, but then my life is nowhere near as stressful as yours. I wish i was closer so i could invite you around for a cuppa and let you just talk but guess that's not the case but i am here if you need to vent.

Seaxwyn

HI Sea, I wish I could invite you round for a cuppa too. I hope you have some real life supportive friends to offload too as you sure need it. What will it take for your OH to REALLY change his ways. Has he ever admitted the possibility of suffering depression himself? If anyone's 'mad' it's not you.

In_Search_Of_Me

aww sorry that things bad again but good that you got to the docs to sort that out & good about not drinking too much. The od one is fine for all of us me thinks but too much is depressing! Plus having a break from it makes you realise that...Hope things settle for you soon & great that the scrapping is helping. MUST MUST MUST do mine this w/e...was busy osing this w/e...hang in there & good to hear you are oki(ish!) !!

boredofbeingathome

Hope things do settle for you Sea. i don't know what to suggest except that OH may also be depressed and unable to deal with responsibilty as well as you can.
It is horrible how we manage to lash out at those closest to us, and i know from a previous partner..many moons ago..that certain drinks don't help either.
Just sending you positive thoughts and hope you can get through this ok.
Bob x

Sea78

Aww..thanks you lot

Should have come on before!! Soooo wish I lived nearer you all! Don't really have anyone round here - most are friends of OH which makes it a little difficult!

The scrapping is wonderful - have gone a bit mad - whoops - OH bought me quite a bit today on his guilt trip spending (guess we'll have more to clear off his CC now) and I was also very very naughty last month and ordered a kit from the states. Did budget it in, but did not budget on so much of the budget being spent on his booze yet again.

Need to finish off the CJ - if only I knew at the start what I know now I would have done a much better job! Am trying to jazz this one up a little as it was quite a plain LO to start, but think I'm getting there!

Have also discovered 'gloo' - like diamond glaze I think ISOM? It's amazing - except that I think it's burnt the inside of my nose - no, I wasn't sniffing it, but my nose feels really strange and it did smell quite strong, although I wasn't that close to it!! Can't think of anything else it could be!!!

Made some pretty things this weekend - including a gorgeous little notepad

So apart from me feelng a little down, life continues! William is peachy - changing so myuch everyday - so not my little baby anymore but is potty trained during the day and is talking soo much more! Sophia is a stroppy teenager in a 5 yr olds body - the cheek!!!!:D

You've cheered me up - thank you.

Sea xxx

hypno06

(((hugs))) and very positive thoughts coming your way Sea xxx

Sea78

Hi all

How are you?

Well, been playing with all my scrapbooking things tonight - must finish the CJ though and get it sent off! Looking forward to getting the next one

I truly know what it means to have supplies that you just can't use and just want to stroke They are sooooo lovely I can't bear to cut them up!

Will come on tomorrow and try to catch up with people's diaries - so much to read!

Sea xxx

elantan

hey sea your mighty talented with this scrapping ...wish i could do something like it but i am just too left brain sided i think