help with DIY divorce please??

stopthespends

hi all

this is my situation and i have a few questions if thats ok??

ive been legally separated for the past 3 years ( we have a deed of separtaion)..

house got signed over to me and we had no other assets

we have a 4 year old,

ex gives me weekly money for her and also pays half of our loan ( which finishes next april) then he will increase the payments to myself.


he now wants to divorce as wants to buy a place with his girlfriend and she wont buy when hes still not divorced.

He wants to use the online divorce thing and im happy with that now but i have a few questions........

do we have to apply for custody? she lives with me and 'visits' there 2 days a week on average?

do we have to give details of our arrangements?

should i be there when he fills out that forms ...i.e what if he gives the wrong details etc?

i definatly want a clean break order but he did seem alittle reluctant. if he doesnt add it on can i?

sorry for the questions but need to have it sorted in my mind before i say continue....

many thanks moneysavers

Becles

If you want to save some money, you can pick up the divorce forms for free from your local family court office. I think you can download them on the court services website for free too. This will save you the cost of using the online company.

You don't have to apply for custody. There is a section in the divorce form called "arrangements for children" or something like that. You just need to put down that your daughter lives with you, but ex is going to see her at the times you have already agreed.

I would get a clean break order. The divorce only deals with the relationship bit, but you need the clean break order to break your finanical connection. If you don't have one, either of you could claim on the other persons assets at any point in the future. If he is reluctant, you could tell him that without the order, legally you will have a claim on any equity he builds up in his new home with his g/f. That may make him realise how important it is to get such a document.

I didn't get one and it came back to bite me, when my ex ran up loads of debts after the divorce and then tried to claim a stake of the equity in my home. Due to that horrible experience (which I won!), I've always recommended that people get a clean break when they divorce.

bexsmum

Hi Sorry to butt in but can I ask a question too.....

I'm filling out the papers from the court at the moment. Couple of questions : What form is the clean break order? I've got a huge pile I printed off the website and don't think I can find it.

And also in the "prayer" part of the actual divorce papers, there is a section "(3) Ancillary relief : Periodical payment in addition to child support maintenance paid under a Child Suport Agency calculations". Soon-to-be-ex gets 2 bonuses a year on top of his 36k salary. Usually 2 weeks salary on 7th Dec and a bonus which used to be about 2k in his hand on 15th March.

Does this clause cover me receiving some of those bonuses? He's useless with money and I want to put it away for our DD should she decide to go to college/uni.

But I have to say that he does give me slightly more than the CSA calculations on a monthly standing order - he's not a bad person and I don't want anyone to think I'm trying to get money than I'm entitled to, I'd just like to make sure I've got enough when the time comes, to get DD through her education on my own.

drfclee

Can i ask a question. It appears that the majority of people get divorced a couple of years after separating. is that right? My wife left me mid jan 2008, and we've only just agreed to go our separete ways, yet now she wants a divorce. Am i missing something here?

bexsmum

My circumstances are as follows, and not sure if this helps but :
He left us 2 years ago today, I wanted a divorce straight away. He "didn't want the stigma of being divorced". I've waited the two years because there is no reason to now stay married - 2 years seperation is a reason on the papers. I'm determined it WILL happen now because he is having a relationship with someone else.

In your case drfclee its up to you - everyone's different. You can do it straight away, and have the paragraph The respondent has behaved in such a way that the petitioner cannot reasonably be expected to live with the respondent. or you can wait the two years.... its your's and your OH personal choice

drfclee

It just seems very rushed. As in separation of 12-18mths would make getting divorced reasonable. but straight away just seems very rushed and leaves the possibility of regretting it a more realistic reality. Plus its asks the question of 'whats the rush'?

drfclee

oh and sorry to intrued on this post, i just saw how long you had been spearated and thought it was a pertinant question.

Bossyboots

drfclee wrote: »

Can i ask a question. It appears that the majority of people get divorced a couple of years after separating. is that right? My wife left me mid jan 2008, and we've only just agreed to go our separete ways, yet now she wants a divorce. Am i missing something here?

The reason people wait two years is usually because it means a divorce can be obtained without accusations being made against either party. The two years separation rule is that both parties must consent to the divorce.

If you use any of the other clauses, you have to back it up. So for adultery you would have to state something about what the other party had done. If you use the clause about behaviour, you have to give examples of the behaviour that makes it intolerable for you to remain in the marriage.

Thus, waiting the two years enables couples to divorce more amicably. Even if couples agree between them to use adultery and behaviour, it can often lead to resentment later on.

The clean break consent order is ESSENTIAL and is the one part of a divorce I would recommend is always at least discussed with a solicitor. Where assets have already been divided it is easer, but there are clauses that need to be included to ensure the clean break. This document is drawn up on plain paper, there is no form on the court website to download. There is the information for a consent order on which parties set out their income and capital.

As for the children, you do not need a residence order if the children are living with you and there are no difficulties. As well as the divorce petition there is a form called "Statement of Information for a Consent Order" and this has to be completed setting out the arrangements for the children.

The procedure is for one party to fill out the forms and lodge them with the court. The court then sends them to the other party with a form they need to fill out to acknowledge the papers. If anything is incorrect, it would need to be corrected at this point.

There is a fee for lodging the petition and to obtain the decree absolute. This fee can be waived depending on the petitioner's income so it is often more financially prudent if any party is claiming benefits or is on low income for them to initiate the proceedings.

bexsmum

Thanks Bossyboots - We've managed to be very amicable about it so far. Sold the house, 60/40 split the profit, did the pension's and halved what they were worth, endowments... I used my lump as the deposit on my house. So I didn't see any need to fill in the D81 Consent Order form, but I'd appreciate anything anyone has so I don't incur the cost of a solicitor for the clean break consent.
And back to the original question, can I put anything down about the bonuses? I sound like I'm being greedy, but I'm really not. I know that a lump sum of money in the pot I've started, on a regular basis, would make a massive difference and he's so unreliable he'll spend every last penny he gets his hands on.....

shandella_2

Becles wrote: »

I would get a clean break order. The divorce only deals with the relationship bit, but you need the clean break order to break your finanical connection. If you don't have one, either of you could claim on the other persons assets at any point in the future. If he is reluctant, you could tell him that without the order, legally you will have a claim on any equity he builds up in his new home with his g/f. That may make him realise how important it is to get such a document.

I didn't get one and it came back to bite me, when my ex ran up loads of debts after the divorce and then tried to claim a stake of the equity in my home. Due to that horrible experience (which I won!), I've always recommended that people get a clean break when they divorce.

Can you only get a clean order break once the divorce and financial settlement is agreed. My husband has a business overdraft of £23,500.00 which is unsecured - can he make me pay half.

I am hopefully staying in the family home - can he force me to re-mortgage and use the equity to pay his debt.

Why did my solicitor not mention this to me?

Bossyboots

bexsmum wrote: »

And also in the "prayer" part of the actual divorce papers, there is a section "(3) Ancillary relief : Periodical payment in addition to child support maintenance paid under a Child Suport Agency calculations". Soon-to-be-ex gets 2 bonuses a year on top of his 36k salary. Usually 2 weeks salary on 7th Dec and a bonus which used to be about 2k in his hand on 15th March.

Does this clause cover me receiving some of those bonuses?

No, the prayer in the petition leaves it open to you later on to make an application to the court to proceed with a request for ancillary relief payments. It is not the point at which you state what financial agreement you want.

If you want to receive a share of those bonuses you need the consent order drawn up. However, if the order makes allowances for future payments then it is not a clean break order but can be done by consent nonetheless. It can still contain the clauses required to prevent either party coming back for "a second bite of the cherry", thus safeguarding future "wealth" but ensuring that the parties are treated fairly at the time of the divorce.

shandella - legally if it is a business debt and you are not a signatory to it, it is not your liability. However, I would expect your husband to argue that the debt was incurred to enable the business to thrive to provide for his family. Thus, it could be seen as reasonable for a portion of that debt to be offset against your side of the settlement. Has your solicitor mentioned a clean break order at all?

I have just outlined really how things can work. There is no real one size fits all answer in this situation except to say that it really isn't something that should be done without legal advice at some stage, even if it is only to have a "home made" consent order checked. Any settlement would need to be seen by the court as being fair to both parties but what is right in one couple's settlement would not be right in another's.