Fed up with my partner ex wife texting him all the time

cazziebo

Errata wrote: »

If parents care about their children they will continue to talk about them together no matter how old the children are and no matter if the parents are married, cohabiting, separated, divorced. It's called love.

Me and my ex go through stages when we talk daily about our children - much more now than we did when they were younger. I actually find it's more complicated as they get older - teenage tantrums, hormones, exams, boyfriends, driving lessons, holiday plans. When they were younger everything was much more routine and straightforward.

Nicifer_noonoo

glossgal wrote: »

Also, having re-read OPs post it strikes me as a bit odd that 'kids' of 18 and 21 would be sleeping over at their dads on a weekly basis anyway? bit old for pyjama parties...

Our family must have been a bit odd then, haha...I stayed at my dad's every weekend when I was 18. We were a very close family before it happened, didn't see why my age should stop me having a proper relationship with either.

Different strokes for different folks I guess, every family works differently. Which may be why the OP is struggling with the way his 'former' family works.

glossgal

Don't get me wrong, there's nowt wrong with keeping in contact with parents at that age but I still think sleepovers at 21 every week (or every other week) are a bit much! Especially as they're 18/21 year old boys, what about them spending weekends with partners/friends/out socialising? (polite definition!)

If a couple work then weekends are the only time they have to themselves, especially if they don't live together. I know OP wasn't complaining about this specifically but its all part of the bigger picture I think in terms of feeling like a bit of a gooseberry.

poppyscorner

Hi,

My DH's ex calls our house a few times a week and txts regularly however this is because their DD is 8yrs old they talk mainly about DD school outings finances etc if I am honest I hate the calls I accept it because I love DH and DSD its just the ex that bugs me we have past issues and I havent managed to let them go however I have never disclosed my issues to anyone apart from here and now lol she is his past and I am his furture at the end of the day and I knew of her existence when I met him.

His ex does sometimes seem to call for nothing and just chats about her new baby the latest on old friends where she is going for her hols etc etc I dont ask DH what she says he tells me tbh his reaction to the call tells me that she is on about something he aint interested in. So whilst he does accept the calls he is never defensive if I was to ask him and he obviously is dissinterested by her latest holiday etc.
How is your OH when the txts come through is he guarded and happy to receive them or not.

I know our situation is a bit different to yours but I would judge alot by his reaction. I know that when DSD reaches 16 DH is looking forward to arranging their time together with her I agree ex should only be in touch for serious talk about their children (that includes finance,education and any issues difficulties emergencies etc).

traciemk

thank you all for the lovelly reply and advice:j
well ill answers some of your qeastions, ive spoke with his ex wife only a few times(when i was arranging a surprise party for my partner 40th party and arrange for his kids to be there) also once or twice when she comes to my house to pick up kids up, ive allways been polite to her, but what ive been told from my partner is she dont wants to speak to me only unless its a emercancy with kids.
The kind of texts are like, the youngest one is off school this week so are you having them a bit more cos of the half term, the older one has just gone in the army so there was alot of texting regarding meeting up so they could get all his bits and bobs,then the other day she text my partner to let him know she had sent eldest son some money and more socks(which to me is a pointless text) most of the text are about times for access(which is fine but kids see there dad on the same time(for example every other friday they go to his flat once younger one finish school have dinner at his flat then he takes them for there swimming lessons which finish about 9pm then they get taxi to mine to spend the rest of the weekend)
the older two dont really have a social like as such, as i said the older one has just recently gone into the army but before that they would be at home playing on pc or xbox as they did not have job, the middle one still does not have a job so his spare time is on pc or xbox now, when they are over mine all they want to do is go on pc or my son xbox they dont seem to have no get up and go.
it feel like she does not have any respect for me

Zazen999

Hi

Sorry but I think someone is taking the pi55; and it's not the ex-wife.

What are you getting out of this arrangement?

hobo28

Hi Tracie

I've followed your thread with interest as your partner could easily have been me when my OH & I first moved in together.

I hope you don't think i am being harsh but my advice to you is to learn to bite your tongue. If there's one thing I've learned over the last few years of being a step parent is when to shut up. Usually I make my point and leave it there. Trust me, there will be more battles to fight so its important to pick the right ones to fight.

On this one, I do not believe you can win. If you continue to make an issue of this then you will appear as though you are insecure and controlling. From his point of view he's just arranging stuff to do with his kids. The fact you don't consider the texts/information to be useful is neither here nor there. He does and so does his ex.

You say you feel like she doesn't have any respect for you. Quite possibly she doesn't. One thing you will need to be prepared for is that she will always be in his life. The kids are grown up so its less of an issue but their paths will cross still. You need to seriously consider if this is part of his life you can tolerate.

traciemk

thanks for everyone advice

hannahsmummy1

I have to get my husband to ring his ex wife if any probs arise about their son (not that they do, but things like sorting outing visiting etc) he hates doing it, but as i have told him on numerous occasions its not the childs place to be relaying messages, & its happened to us before when the ex wife got the hump because hubby asked the son something to ask the mother & she got the hump because she felt (quite rightly) that hubby should have gone direct to her. Hubby didnt want the hassle of speaking to her (thats how much he likes here lol!) If anything needs sorting out now i have to stand next to him while he speaks to her so he doesnt bottle out lol!

kle87

I think its great that your OH is playing an active role in his childrens lives. However I understand your annoyance on texting. Obviously this communication needs to happen when there are issues they need to discuss for the children. Make sure the texts are talking about the children and if they are then I feel you have to accept this or it may cause problems in your relationship. As for the sleep overs I agree with other posters, its your house...you should call the shots!