Depression Support Thread

gillette147

meyore wrote: »

Just smashed up my phone can't take much more at the moment. Wish I was dead but realise I don't even have the courage to do anything about that either I'm just a failure at everything.

(((((meyore)))))
xxx

Sazbo

meyore wrote: »

Everything just seems so hard atm. OH is away, but if I can't cope the only way to go is to split up and that would be even more unbearable. He's depressed too, but he won't open up to me-we haven't spoken in a week. He texts but it makes me so mad, hence the broken phone. Wish he'd realise what he's doing to me, but I can't get through to him. I hate myself for being so reliant on him to make me feel good about myself. Yesterday I coped fine, had a great day, today I'm screwed up again. I'm sorry I'm going on I feel crap that I can't even pull myself together. I seem to have lost the ability to talk to anyone else whose meant to be close to me, just feel like they're judging me.

Don't be sorry meyore for talking here. That's what we're all here for isn't it? x It must be really tough for you being separated from OH for that long. Do you mind me asking why his texts annoy you? Or why he finds it difficult to talk? You dont have to answer hun, if you don't want to xx Please remember nobody has the right to sit in judgement of you. When all's said and done, they haven't walked a mile in your shoes have they?

Please don't upset yourself hun.

Much love,
Sazzy xxxxxxxxx

meyore

Sorry, he's getting to me because he doesn't want to even text so I feel like I'm making him, being all needy and annoying to him. Its mostly one word answers I get from him and when its anymore than that he's saying things like how he can't come home because he doesn't want to drive all night etc... I used to do it for him, 9 hour drive in a day. I just want him to be normal and loving, or at least talk to me a bit. He keeps turning his phone off and just ignoring me and I hate it. He says he doesn't know himself whats wrong so how can he tell me... Fair enough, but tonight I couldn't hold it in any longer and I told him how unhappy I feel, so thats probably just made him worse. I really just want to let him know how selfish he's being, that I have feelings too and you don't treat people you care about this way. But I don't want to alienate him completely because he probably is feeling hideously bad, because I don't think he'd do this for any other reason. I know different people cope in different ways but I'm getting to the point where its breaking me. I hate being able to empathise with him, because it means I can't speak my mind because he'll feel even worse. Why can't he empathise back?

God, I'm going on, sorry just reread that.

I'm feeling a bit better for sharing though, thanks saz Xx

Sazbo

No worries at all xx It's difficult if you're both feeling down, but it kinda needs to be a two-way street doesn't it? He needs to be there for you, too. And you need to be able to be speak your mind hun, to be open about how you feel. That's how I see it anyways. Don't feel bad for having needs of your own, you're only human hun xx And if you don't see each other to talk about stuff, it's all going to get bottled up if u can't talk on the phone, imo. When are you going to see him next? Do you think there is something in particular getting him down at the moment - like something at work, for example?

Sxx

meyore

I can make him do anything though and theres no point in ultimatums or ignoring him back. Its so frustrating, like I'm banging my head against a wall. I was hoping we'd see each other over the bank holiday, but he says its too far, too much money etc. I'd like to go see him, but theres never opportunity to discuss it. If not, it'll be the end of June and theres no way I can cope that long with him being like this.
I imagine it must be being up there no friends or family thats making him down, but unless he comes home we can't really solve that.
xx

shazrobo

(((((big hugs))))) meyore xxx

Sazbo

meyore wrote: »

I can make him do anything though and theres no point in ultimatums or ignoring him back. Its so frustrating, like I'm banging my head against a wall. I was hoping we'd see each other over the bank holiday, but he says its too far, too much money etc. I'd like to go see him, but theres never opportunity to discuss it. If not, it'll be the end of June and theres no way I can cope that long with him being like this.
I imagine it must be being up there no friends or family thats making him down, but unless he comes home we can't really solve that.
xx

Well, the least that needs to happen is that you feel able to talk about how you feel. It's the very least you deserve - that's just sazzy's thoughts hun xx That's not about ultimatums or anything of that kind. You can't be expected to make it all work on your own. xx

meyore

Thanks saz xx
I just need him to realise that I can help him feel better and then he'll be able to support me too. He's in this little world where he's all alone and he can't see past it. Hopefully tomorrow he'll see, but I've been hoping that every day for ages.
Xx

Sazbo

meyore wrote: »

Thanks saz xx
I just need him to realise that I can help him feel better and then he'll be able to support me too. He's in this little world where he's all alone and he can't see past it. Hopefully tomorrow he'll see, but I've been hoping that every day for ages.
Xx

Meyore hun, if it means anything at all; I really do believe that everything will come right for you. I do mean that. And I hope you have enough of a sense of me to know that I wouldn't just say stuff I don't mean. When you're both hurting, the tendency is to push each other away, but at the end of the day you both love each other more than anything. That's all that matters, to my way of thinking anyway. See what tomorrow brings hun :kisses3:

Sxx

meyore

Thanks saz, thanks for saying that and thanks for being here for me tonight, means a lot to me. Tomorrow will be better, for me even if it isn't for him.

Xx