Depression Support Thread

LadyMorticia

meyore wrote: »

Even if I don't get the job it'll be good if I get the apprenticeship. Looks like I will, hoping for it anyway

Xx

I shall send you some positive vibes. I hope you get it too. You really deserve it hun. [[hugs]]

xx

meyore

Thanks Lady M, won't find out for sure until July, but it does look good

Xx

slowlyfading

why do i just feel so ignored all the time? meh.

meyore

slowlyfading wrote: »

why do i just feel so ignored all the time? meh.

Sorry if I ever make you feel that way, I don't mean to... I feel like that sometimes too
Are you ok?

united4ever

shazrobo wrote: »

(((((big hugs))))) ladym, really feel for you having noisy neighbours mine are noisy too, and i got workmen in to put some soundproofing on my side of joining walls, hasnt cured the noise completely but made it loads more bearable.
what u been up to this evening, just got in from a walk with ds myself
shaz xxx

Hi Shaz, I wonder if you are still following this thread. Out of interest what soundproofing did you get on your sideof the wall. I have some noise coming mostly from the above flat but would like to get some soundproofing on my side of the ceiling if possible. Also roughly how much did u pay if you don't mind me asking?

gillette147

LadyM,
Your stuff is far better than the album covers of my fave band.
You should offer to do their next one.

rose07

LadyMorticia wrote: »

Thanks. Needed that. ****hugs****

I was sexually, physically, emotionally and mentally abused (not sure if emotional and mental abuse are the same but that's what it says on my case file). I was neglected too. I grew up thinking I was only good for one thing - and that was to be abused. Sometimes when my BPD gets really bad, I still believe that.

My ED is partly about self harm too, so I understand what you mean about the starving yourself thing.

The only place I felt safe was school, but then when I was 11, my mum took me out of school, and I wasn't allowed to return. I'm not sure why. Maybe it was because I enjoyed school and my mum didn't want me to enjoy anything? I'm still not sure. I spent three years out of school until I went into foster care at 14. In the September of that year I was meant to be going into year 10 but I was put back a year and so started in year 9. My Education Adviser said that it was because it would help me to interact with my peers better as I was going to be starting in an upper school that started in year 9 so everyone was new, and not just me. I still got bullied though, because people found out I had been put back a year from a teacher and assumed I was thick. Weird thing is, that I was out of school for 3 years and still got better GCSE results than them. Okay, so I only got 9 GCSEs A-D but whilst they were busy bullying others and not caring about their education, I was working hard to make sure I was nothing like my mum. I was the first person in my family to even get any qualifications - even if they were just GCSEs. A lot of the time I still think I'm stupid though. It's just one of those things I can't shrug off for some reason.

I love animals. I remember when I was 3 and we had a dog called Patchy and when my dad was getting violent she used to jump into my playpen to protect me.

They're about my childhood but my mum and nan still try to phone me and I can't bear to pick up the phone to anyone, let alone them. My dad has tried to get in touch too because he wants to meet up. Sometimes it feels like I'm still that child who was hurt. I know my mum and dad didn't want me. My mum only went through with the pregnancy because she was more scared of having an abortion, but I don't think that excuses the abusive behaviour. If I ever have a baby, and the baby is unplanned, then it would be a surprise, but a happy one. I certainly wouldn't treat him/her like I was treated. I would bring them up with love and care, and teach them to respect others and tell them often that I love them and am proud of them for their achievements.

I wish I didn't believe they were my fault. My old CPN said that I was only a baby when the abuse started and that babies are never at fault and nobody deserves to be abused so it couldn't have been my fault. I always say that to my friends who have been abused but for some reason I can't apply it to myself. It's always easier to give advice to others, instead of taking it ourselves, I guess.

I don't know. My family seem to like hurting people. Sometimes I don't know how I can be related to them. =/

I'm trying to like myself but it seems like every day I find something else about myself that I hate. I'm working on it though, and I'm trying to "re-invent" myself as they say. It's going to take a long time but hopefully I'll get there.

I'm sorry this has been a long post. Sometimes I get carried away in my replies.

Aw. Thanks hun. You make me smile. You are too. [[hugs]]

Lady M

Hi hun

How are you feeling today?:)

Just want to say your artwork is brilliant hun, :Tyou really do have raw talent, you are a precious thing. Maybe I will show you some of my artwork sometime.

I thought emotional and mental abuse is the same, that’s why me didn’t put mental abuse, but I guess emotional abuse fcuks up the mental mind, sooo in effect its all related/connected in some way.

I know what you mean hun, I still think im only good for one thing, abuse. Its almost like it doesn’t matter how much councelling or psychiatrists you get, people always seem to be able to pick out those who are vulnerable. Something im still trying to figure out. But hun, you have a lot to give it shows in your art work and your posts, in no way do you deserve the abuse you got, and you are not only good for one thing, you will get through this.

Ohh well done you on your GCSEs :TI think that’s a great achievement, I went thru a similair thing, I was bullied all the way through school. But I kept buried in my studies like you, and fair nuff I didn’t get great grades, they were mostly Ds, so I went to college to resit my GCSEs and got better ones, which help me to do a National Diploma in Multimedia, which in turn helped me to get into Uni, and achieve m 2:1 grade, so ya see hun, anything is possible.

I think with your mum, yeah, sometimes people don’t like to see others happy, because for some sick reason they get off on other peoples pain and creating it. Maybe your mum needs to think about what it is she needs. But least you got your grades hun, this will set you well for the future.

And hun, there is noo way your stupid, I thought that too, then I had learning tests done, and found out I had dyslexia, and few other learning difficulties, but im fine with that now, coz I know where im at with it. But your def not stupid, your talented, creative but in no way are you stupid ok?

Awww Patchy sounds like my Holly, shes been with me since I was 11 , always been my protector, and always been good for hugs. Do you have any other pets? We used to have a goat, and a cat but they died.

Do you feel safe where you are now, are you away from your parents? I definitely agree with you, a child needs love and support, not abuse and neglect, a baby can have all the food in the world, but if it doesn’t have love and something to hold, it will just feel low, like it is alone. We all need stability which can be in any form, but I think emotional stability is a very important thing.

Its not your fault, its not your fault, its not your fault, is it getting in yet lol. I really understand this, I blame myself constantly, for the abuse I got, for the things I witnessed , for not doing certain things like stepping in, but I, like you, was only a child, we weren’t to know hun, there is someone tryna drum this into my head atm, it might just get there if they say it enough. Soo hard when we are used to being blamed, used to being told it is our faults, and no matter what we do blame ourselves. And I like you, never take my own advice lol

I believe you will get there hun, you have came through all you have been through, which shows you are strong, you are still here and have something worth fighting for, just believe it hun

Remember you are special :A

Much love and huggles
xxx

LadyMorticia

gillette147 wrote: »

LadyM,
Your stuff is far better than the album covers of my fave band.
You should offer to do their next one.

I love Porcupine Tree!

gillette147

They are stunning band.
A reason to live even if there were no others (but there are loads more).
xx

rose07

slowlyfading wrote: »

why do i just feel so ignored all the time? meh.

aww hun (((((((hugs))))))

are you ok? xx