Problem with friend - returning my things damaged

Bettyboop

Hi,


I need some advice please. Some time ago a friend borrowed a collection of Baby DVD's from me. I texted twice over the last month to ask for them back.

Anyway, because she didn't reply I forwarded the message to her husband so he could relay it to her. Next thing I know she phones in a bad mood saying I can collect them whenever I like. I have a newborn baby who if anything like my daughter will love them so tonight I went by to fetch them, get home and find that the DVD boxes have been chewed, the dvd's cracked and dirty! I gave them to her in brand new condition! I am really angry and don't understand how she could return them like this and not even say sorry. The DVD's in particular cost me £60.00. I can see a falling out about this happening. She can become moody at times and for months won't speak to me and then all of sudden she's in touch again.

I feel like texting her and telling her how angry I am that she has returned them like this....now my newborn won't be able to enjoy them either. Also, they don't have any pets in case you thought the DVD's had been chewed by a dog.

Please advise. Thanks

mrcow

Don't ruin your friendship over some DVDs. It's not worththe argument......you're not going to get anywhere with her anyway.

Just remember to never lend her anything ever again.

misty

She's not much of a friend if she doesn't speak to you for months at a time, doesn't treat your things respectfully, say thank you or sorry - so what exactly do you have to lose by telling her politely how disappointed you are with the condition she has returned things.

TomsMom

Why text? Can't you go round to see her and politely explain how disappointed you are with the condition they are in and how, now, your baby wont be able to enjoy them. Maybe suggest she would care to contribute to the cost of replacing them as they were in perfect condition when you loaned them to her.

If she takes offence so be it, maybe you'd be better off with a friend who isn't moody and ignores you for months at a time!

There's an old saying - neither a borrower nor a lender be. After I had something returned in a really tatty condition (which when loaned was as new but the borrower took it upon herself to lend it to virtually everyone who she worked with!) I vowed never to lend anything to friends again, and I've stuck to it. Saves any falling out!

belfastgirl23

TBH I think I'd set aside the DVDs for now and focus on what is going on with your friend. Assuming that she has been a good friend in the past then what has changed? I'd give her a chance to explain what is going on before getting into anything else - you might find there's something else going on in her life that you haven't known about. If you don't get anything from her then I'd say that you were a bit upset that your baby won't be able to use the DVDs since they aren't in good condition and see if she explains or offers to pay something towards replacing them....

*Louise*

Why text? She will most likely just ignore it.

Better off speaking to her - you might get an explanation

But don't loan her anything again

Bettyboop

I mentioned texting her otherwise I will get my head bitten off......

Don't worry I will NEVER EVER lend her anything again. The disks look as though her toddler has been playing frisby with them!

ceridwen

Returning your property in such a condition shows a lack of respect for you. Not being in touch for months also does.

My question to myself would be "Do I want a friend who shows such a lack of respect to me and my belongings?".

aliasojo

I agree with ceridwen completely.

Out of curiosity...what does she actually do that earns her the title of 'friend' anyway? Personally I'd award her the new title of 'ex-friend'. Most people would look after borrowed items better than their own.


As for the dvd set, I sympathise. My Father was a collector of all sorts and when I was only little, he bought me a boxed set of every Beatles single that had been released. It was a leather effect box with vinyl records. It was a limited edition release and he paid a fair bit of money for it and was sure it would be worth a fortune and I could sell it if and when I needed extra money when I was an adult. I never played the records and looked after it well but when my then OH and I split up, he took the set with him. I eventually got it back years later from one of his family who knew the story and felt bad that he had taken it. The set was ruined. Box was torn and scuffed, records were missing, sleeves were booze stained and torn and the records that were left were scratched to hell. Every time he got drunk (which was a lot) he would play the records. Even after all this time (20 years or so, I still get really upset when I think about it).

Sorry to hijack your thread a little there, lol. I know how annoying it is to have your things ruined.

geri1965_2

I don't agree. I have a very good friend, but if I lend stuff to him it comes back broken, or he loses it. He always offers to replace it though, but I usually say no. I just don't lend him stuff now.

It doesn't make him a bad friend because he doesn't respect my stuff - it's not like he does it on purpose, he is just slapdash and careless.

It's how someone responds to the situation that you judge them on.

aliasojo

Yes but the friend ignored 2 texts, hasn't had contact in a month and wasn't in the least apologetic about the state of the dvds.

So her response to the situation is exactly what warrants the ex-friend tag imo.

Wouldn't a true friend apologise at the very least?